I'm not normal
Dec. 14th, 2004 03:49 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
mysticeden.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
multiplicity_archivesCross posted in my journal... I guess I just wanted someone to read it and maybe opinions or comments....
I'm not normal...and I never will be normal. Even if I was a singular I'd still be weird. Honestly I never think I can be a singular and I don't want to be. I like being this way. I mean if it weren't for the toehrs I wouldn't have been able to survive for so long. And although now it's hard for me to let them out because of college , other people and taking care of Casey I know they're there. Most of them are like a big disfunctional family lol and I do love them... even though I'm an idiot sometimes... Ah my head is killing me. Since june I've been forcing myself to be out, all the times other have been ouot don't even tally to a week of that. i'm tired and will disapear soon, I wonder whats ging to happen then...
Well I'm getting of topic...normal....hum...sometimes I crave for it but most of the time I despise it. I surround myself with other abnormal people and call it good. Is that why I did't want to be around the international people deep down, because they feel normal and so...distant from me nd my world. There's so many thing I don't understand. Okay so Amy (this otaku girl that I really don't like but somehow end up being nice to but i've been trying not to and..off topic...) in the anime movie night (which suxed...grr becaue I was going to stay all night =( ) when we were watching Twin spica (which I really like ^_^), tere is this girl in it that basically gets locked in her room all through childhood and tutors are sent to her so she never really leaves the room, well Amy fliped out and was like "How could anyone do that?!?!". she meant the parents of course, my response was "easily" i think I said more but i don't remember, I know casey said soemthing too. All I could think was how normal, this concept was... Sad ne? I guess but to me thats no big deal, it's nothing wierd or odd. I mean I was locked in my room untill I was 17 myself. I was only allowed to go to school and if I ever went out somewhere it was with my mother. I undertood the character full well... which is funny because of the fact that as soon as i saw her I thought how she wouln't be my fave character but that she was very much like me. Just the way her eyes looked...and lo and behold! yeah...-_- So it's odd for me that other people find things odd soemtimes that to me are normal...
It's odd because I hadn't though about the whole being locked in my room or the aprt in a long time. I mean hell untill I was at least in junior high (probably 9th grade) I didn't even have a key to the place. whcih means what? That I was locked in and I couldn't get out, so if the house would have burned down I'd be dead now. You see the outside door was bars loked with a big ass lock. Those of you from PR should know those doors well. you see in PR everything has bars on it... to protect from intruders or something... they're normally on the out side of every window, door and whatever. What funny is this. In my moms aprt the bars were on the inside, now what does that tell you. There were bars on the inside of all my windows....*sigh* I should move on. i'ts just like talking about abuse in psych.. everyone gets depressed and meesed up... fuck... most of the stuff they've talked about it nothing... I'm not saying it's bad just there's worse... and i'm not used to anyone showing my sympathy(well some do), especially about that.
About the pr houses? heres a link
http://bvrealty.com/ 0807/pitahaya.jpg This is a really nice house. never lived in something like that but see the bars everywhere?
Well I want to rant more but i'm not sure what to say....
bah... just go see my icon journal xp http://www.livejournal.com/~mysticstaricons
yes theres a mystic in all of us...
Angeliz
sorry about typos
I'm not normal...and I never will be normal. Even if I was a singular I'd still be weird. Honestly I never think I can be a singular and I don't want to be. I like being this way. I mean if it weren't for the toehrs I wouldn't have been able to survive for so long. And although now it's hard for me to let them out because of college , other people and taking care of Casey I know they're there. Most of them are like a big disfunctional family lol and I do love them... even though I'm an idiot sometimes... Ah my head is killing me. Since june I've been forcing myself to be out, all the times other have been ouot don't even tally to a week of that. i'm tired and will disapear soon, I wonder whats ging to happen then...
Well I'm getting of topic...normal....hum...sometimes I crave for it but most of the time I despise it. I surround myself with other abnormal people and call it good. Is that why I did't want to be around the international people deep down, because they feel normal and so...distant from me nd my world. There's so many thing I don't understand. Okay so Amy (this otaku girl that I really don't like but somehow end up being nice to but i've been trying not to and..off topic...) in the anime movie night (which suxed...grr becaue I was going to stay all night =( ) when we were watching Twin spica (which I really like ^_^), tere is this girl in it that basically gets locked in her room all through childhood and tutors are sent to her so she never really leaves the room, well Amy fliped out and was like "How could anyone do that?!?!". she meant the parents of course, my response was "easily" i think I said more but i don't remember, I know casey said soemthing too. All I could think was how normal, this concept was... Sad ne? I guess but to me thats no big deal, it's nothing wierd or odd. I mean I was locked in my room untill I was 17 myself. I was only allowed to go to school and if I ever went out somewhere it was with my mother. I undertood the character full well... which is funny because of the fact that as soon as i saw her I thought how she wouln't be my fave character but that she was very much like me. Just the way her eyes looked...and lo and behold! yeah...-_- So it's odd for me that other people find things odd soemtimes that to me are normal...
It's odd because I hadn't though about the whole being locked in my room or the aprt in a long time. I mean hell untill I was at least in junior high (probably 9th grade) I didn't even have a key to the place. whcih means what? That I was locked in and I couldn't get out, so if the house would have burned down I'd be dead now. You see the outside door was bars loked with a big ass lock. Those of you from PR should know those doors well. you see in PR everything has bars on it... to protect from intruders or something... they're normally on the out side of every window, door and whatever. What funny is this. In my moms aprt the bars were on the inside, now what does that tell you. There were bars on the inside of all my windows....*sigh* I should move on. i'ts just like talking about abuse in psych.. everyone gets depressed and meesed up... fuck... most of the stuff they've talked about it nothing... I'm not saying it's bad just there's worse... and i'm not used to anyone showing my sympathy(well some do), especially about that.
About the pr houses? heres a link
http://bvrealty.com/ 0807/pitahaya.jpg This is a really nice house. never lived in something like that but see the bars everywhere?
Well I want to rant more but i'm not sure what to say....
bah... just go see my icon journal xp http://www.livejournal.com/~mysticstaricons
yes theres a mystic in all of us...
Angeliz
sorry about typos
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no subject
Date: 2004-12-14 10:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-15 04:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-15 12:55 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2004-12-15 04:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-15 01:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-15 04:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-15 03:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-15 04:31 pm (UTC)Thats true... I guess it just bothers me because I don't want to go on alone. I only have one person here that knows me for who I am... at least I have that... but shes kinda nuts right now... so I'm alone for the most part...
no subject
Date: 2004-12-15 04:43 am (UTC)For typos: Livejournal has a spellchecker in the previews now. You can also do what we do a lot of times on longer posts, type it in a text editor and run the editor's spellchecker on it from there before copying and pasting it into the livejournal window.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-15 04:21 pm (UTC)Yeah I know lj has spell check but it's annoying to use and I do sometimes use word for it but when I have a strong emotion I just want to get it done fast. I'll try to remind myself to use word when i'm not in a hurry though...-_-