Multiplicity

sankee

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elfgoyle.livejournal.com

Wohooo I second that. I ahve lost two fiance's because of DID trust me I am not getting a thing out of it. Shit I am losing more than I am gaining. I can totaly understand the frustration. Heck maybe all those who are "normal" are faking it. That is it next time I am acused I am gona acuse them right back of faking "normalcy".

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whispersong.livejournal.com

That is it next time I am acused I am gona acuse them right back of faking "normalcy".

i must pass this on to one of our system members whos been burned by singlets this way over the years.

ty.

{J}tatiana

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-smiles- i like that. That's awesome!

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fallen-ramiel.livejournal.com

I like that a lot. Thank you for posting it.

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you're welcome. I felt a little better after writing it :)

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artichokes.livejournal.com

How you explain your multiplicity is probably pretty important. Your singleton peers will have a lot of questions for you, and if they aren't answered adequately, your integrity is likely to be in question as well. If a friend of yours has known you for years as one person, it's a difficult thing to accept when there's suddenly new people to know. (S)he might even be offended that it wasn't something known from the beginning.

I wanted to know the origin of my boyfriend's multiplicity when I found out and what his system was like. If you explain it piece by piece (its origin, how your system works, what different people are like, etc.), it's likely to seem more credible. And if you consistently have different people interacting with your peers, as themselves and not passing as a singular you, there's going to be little room for doubt. I used to be skeptical, and with something as different as multiplicity and the Sybil-hype that came with it awhile ago, I think most people have a right to be. But with clear communication and investigation, it's become something as real to me as anything else in my life.

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What usually happens is I'll mention in passing that I've MPD, that it's not too big of a deal, feel free to ask questions blah blah blah and usually they ask what the MP's are like. I guess it's THEN that they start disbeleiving me b/c why the hell would half of my personalities be dysfunctional (autistic, mute etc)

Or, they'll meet one of the autistic ones after meeting me being normal and think I'm just trying to be autistic and make people feel sorry for me.

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Well if I'm faking it, there's a lot of really well qualified highly skeptical people We've managed to convince :)

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hahaha... i've never been able to convince anybody. they're so god damned bent on me faking it.

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::snigger:: they're not bent on you faking it, they're bent on not facing it. All too often its so much easier to say "fake" than bring yourself to face the truth. It would be rather sad if it wasn't for the fact that you end up feeling like shit because of their inability to face reality.

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well they suck :)

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All of us are hesitent to tell anyone, for fear of rejection or being accused of faking. Only 3 know of us. One is an x, who thinks we should be more open. But we have too many concerns for the core if we did reveal ourselves for what and who we individually are.

Multiplicity is so diverse. There are few text book cases because the text book fails to encumpus everything that multiplicity is. but perhaps it is because the powers that be have not worked with enough other cases to see that their already formulated beliefs are not complete? Perhaps those who are not the text book sort rarely seek "help," and the only sort that mainly do are the tex book sort? There are so many unknowns. Arica

or all the psychologists and psychiatrists studying mpd are pompus asses that ar not willing to entertain the thought that they might be wrong. OTOH, you'd think someone would want to get famous off of discovering that there is more to multiplicity than previously believed. -amanda

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i am no longer letting people know that I have MPD. In fact, the whole group has decided that they no longer want to front because nobody wants to believe they exist (including SO) I know this is going to present a problem when everyone thinks I'm "cured" and all of the sudden Lori and Sarena comes out but....

My other's no longer come out to protect me. They come out because something sparkly has caught their attention or they want to cause trouble. I deal with the stress now by myself and stuff so... I just haven't restrained them because they LIKE being out in the world and doing stuff. -shrugs- IDK anymore. I give up.

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Hmmm, would integration or unification possibly be a thought worth pondering in your situation now? I only ask because the others are not being "useful," to you now, and seem to be causing much stress with your personal relationships. Or perhaps that is not something you are interested in at all. I realize I do not know your situation. I hope my above statements were not offensive. It is sad for you just to give up. Best wishes with the future whatever path you choose. :-)

Arica

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From what my S/O has said, that's already been happening the past 3 or 4 days. He says that he's seeing traits of the others in my behavior and that I appear happier and more "with it" and "healthy"

I just dont see that happening in three days. A few months, yeah, but not as fast as it seems to be happening.

From:

whispersong.livejournal.com

Possible they are co-fronting or co concious with you & others .... learning control & how to accede control to others at the same time. That would explain this notion that you're more "with it" etc.

{J}tatiana

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what is co-fronting? I know that we're co-concious but... I don't know what co-fronting is.

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Co-fronting: Two or more people running the body at the same time. Like co-running.

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Yeah, 3 days does seem a bit quick. But I hear that it can happen just like that if some of the others decide to make an alliance. Maybe that is what is happening.

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I don't doubt that. The only one who was keeping us from merging was Fi and Fi was kicked out because she did some SERIOUS damage. Damage that I'm having a very hard time fixing.

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Good luck with all the changes that are occuring, and also with damage control from Fi! ;-)

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-smiles- thank you

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shandra.livejournal.com

That's hard. It certainly does suck to not be believed.

On the other hand, you don't need to invite drama into your life when you come out multiple. You can just state it as a fact, and get on with your life. I've found that people generally are skeptical, and giving them the room to be skeptical - enjoying their company and all the things we do together meanwhile - results in a pretty positive friendship, whether they ultimately come around to the idea or not.

I hear that some people in your system want to be acknowledged for themselves - well, of course they do. But that doesn't happen overnight, or even in one year. Sometimes you need to give people basic information, and then hold back and let them come to their own conclusions.

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I guess so. I've always been open about being multiple, especially when they started demanding being recognized after the rape and that happened when i was 13 so for the past 5 years, I haven't been holding it back, they've been introducing themselves by their own names etc, etc.

Maybe it's because I refer to myself as "Me, myself and I" and not "we"?

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shandra.livejournal.com

I think it's more a question of what is it that you're wanting from them, in terms of recognition? Specifically? Or maybe a better question is what is it that is creating the drama?

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We have spent the past four days simultaneously trying to in ourselves (both as gay and multiple) to various in-laws and out ourselves to an openminded but completely uninformed close relative. Myself I am about ready to pack it in entirely for a time.

Depending on the situation and whom you are addressing,

shandra is right; it might not be to your advantage to list all the difficulties and disadvantages you have with multiplicity. Unbelieving persons (I refuse to call them skeptical -- a skeptic does not disbelieve or believe, but instead has a "jury's still out" attitude) today tend to think of listing your difficulties as a form of bragging or showing off, playing the victim, although you do not mean it that way. This is an unfortunate artifact of Western, particularly American, society, in which calling attention to one's problems -- even to ask for help -- is a sign of selfishness or weakness, or in the current vernacular, "drama".

Try this on for size;

"I have been multiple for eleven years. If I were merely pretending to be a lot of different people, I'd have tired of it and given it up long ago. It would be far too complicated and exhausting. Even method actors tire of keeping up a character. Singlets do not become tired of being themselves; neither do we."

From:

whispersong.livejournal.com

*giggles* wow ty for that last paragraph!!! El will definitely try using that one i think. :P

{J}tatiana

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You're quite welcome. It's a kind of all-purpose statement. Can be used by any multiple, whether they have problems caused by their multiplicity or not.

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This is an unfortunate artifact of Western, particularly American, society, in which calling attention to one's problems -- even to ask for help -- is a sign of selfishness or weakness, or in the current vernacular, "drama".

This is something my S/O is constantly saying to me. "You're being dramatic!" I just want to scream everytime he says that (and sometimes I do)

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Perhaps you need a different SO, someone more sympathetic. Of all people in the world, your husband or lover is supposed to be the person you can speak to about important matters without being dismissed or ridiculed.

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"I have been multiple for eleven years. If I were merely pretending to be a lot of different people, I'd have tired of it and given it up long ago. It would be far too complicated and exhausting. Even method actors tire of keeping up a character. Singlets do not become tired of being themselves; neither do we."

That is just so good. Would you mind if I add something like that to my bio for the people who tell me I'm putting it on?

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You are more than welcome to do so.

Actually, I can't claim credit for it, it came from a singlet friend of ours after fifteen years of observing and interacting with us.

Would you feel like linking in your bio either to the Layman's Guide (http://www.dreamshore.net/blackbirds/layman), to

sethrenn's Myths about Multiplicity (http://www.dreamshore.net/amorpha/myths.html) or to the Astraea FAQ (http://www.astraeasweb.net/plural/faq.shtml)?

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I'll add them all :)

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unshrunk.livejournal.com

I was going to say that you remind me of an old friend of mine that I met years and years ago on a locked ward in Philadelphia... Perhaps it's the LJUserPic (which looks a bit like her)... But then, in many many ways, you remind me so much of (myself)... and perhaps that's why (I) am posting a reply to your post, though I generally don't do that (um, in fact, I don't believe I ever do).

You're probably not completely dedicated to bearing it out and saying (lying?) that you're "one" out of frustration, like you mentioned above (I suspect it is largely said out of frustration, and not that you're completely fed up, not that you're not fed up at all, of course ;)) but if you *are* at that point, let me tell you: it's a harder path than it seems.

I have more years of admitting and denying it than you (does that count as some sort of sick seniority or what? ;)) and I've also gone down that road completely -- and when you do feel a bit safer and ready to come out of hiding, you might find, like me, that it's gotten so hard to talk about it that when you do finally find a therapist you want to talk to, that WILL believe in you (and not because they'd believe in any-and-everything), you can't seem to talk; you get stuck; you're frozen; it comes to feel like no matter what you say, it's ALL a lie -- you're not a singleton, you're not a multiple, even though you ARE a multiple -- everything feels like a falsehood, until the falsehoods all become a gigantic stifling skein of plastic wrap wrapped repeatedly around your soul: You cannot talk. And it sucks, girl -- it REALLY, really sucks.

And I don't want to see that happen to you -- not that I know why, and not that I know you. Maybe it's because, as I said, you remind me of that friend who, like me (like you?) was also multiple, and who one day flipped and decided not to be (our) friend anymore, but whom we still somehow care about... Or maybe, in a way, it reminds (us) of what (we've) gone through... But I don't want to see you stuck like (we) are.

I'm not trying to out-blah-blah-blah you. I'm not shooting for the melodrama (I despise melodrama on principle). I'm a very private person, both on here and in general (hell, I don't even post this under my "real" journal, I keep my problems such a secret to so many). But it had to be said, and I hope you'll take it in the spirit of friendship and caring it is meant.

Peace.

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