Ever wish you could freeze a moment and then smash it out of existance?

[darkladyshadow.livejournal.com]

I just came out publicly in my journal. And I am scared shitless.

I am the least qualified to have done this, but I am the most confused by everything. I lose years of my life and need to be brought up to speed (after an adequate freaking out phase) everytime I come forward.

My memories stop at age 16... this body is now 24, almost 25.

The husband made the joke "Could be worse, you could be like 10 second Tom" I had no idea what he was talking about, so he sat down and watched 50 first dates... he had rented it as a joke with S.R., and they had a laugh over it. But all it did was make me cry... because that pretty much is how life is for me.

I'm sure you've seen this journal name in here before, apparently I've been a member before.

Anyway, my point was, it is now public knowledge...

What were your experiences "coming out" like?

Comments

[shandra.livejournal.com]

We're out to most of our friends, much of our family (mostly in-laws but some bio-family), and some of our coworkers. We intend to continue coming out in the future.

Coming out in a huge way "sit down, I have to tell you something" has had mixed results for us - usually a period of skepticism (not always) but as long as we've made the effort to keep doing regular stuff with whoever it is, it's calmed down. (Also to be as unflaky as possible - not perfect, but not miss appointments or stuff like that.)

Expecting people to automagically understand accept multiplicity is a lot to ask. So there are sometimes losses. The more matter of fact we've been it seems, the better it has tended to work out. Leading up to it helps too rather than dropping the bombshell, in our experience.

Overall I would say about 20-25% of people have not taken it well - about half of those have walked, and the other half pretty much pretend we never said anything.

However what we have gained is a much more authentic voice and a way to stop - well - lying to people, or covering up things we think they might find "weird." And in the long run so, so much more energy and joy has come into our lives.

With your husband - that is hard, but I'm sure he doesn't understand how hurtful it was or he wouldn't have done it. I suspect what he's saying is "I see you as fully competent and wonderful." Keep talking to him and hope he does start to get it.

Shandra

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

Coming out in a huge way "sit down, I have to tell you something" has had mixed results for us

That's actually why we decided to adopt a strategy of coming out semi-casually-- on the level that someone might say "oh, by the way, I'm gay." We came to feel that making a big, serious deal out of telling someone you're multiple perpetuates the impression that it's something shameful and unpleasant, nothing you can tell someone with pride and a smile. We are not ashamed of what we are.

The one problem is that people indoctrinated in crappy TV ideas of what multiplicity is, think that if we could admit to it that casually we 'must' be faking for attention, because 'real' multiples never tell you they are and they also can't ever figure out they're multiple on their own and they would never tell you so casually because everyone knows it's gasp such a horrible life-destroying illness! >< On the other hand, if someone's determined to hold that view of plurality, we think we'd rather not have them as a friend.

Though it does also depend on who you're coming out to, yes. We prefer to be casual when coming out with friends, but I can see how if we were ever forced to come out to an employer or relative, we might want to take it a little more seriously-- we'd just somehow want to convey in our manner that we don't see anything wrong with being how we are.

We have never had anyone outright call us a liar, but we have had some grow very standoffish and begin disconnecting from us, and continue to insist on calling us by whatever name they knew us by when they first met us. So yeah, we can say we've lost some friends over it-- just subtly, but it makes us sad all the same.

[chrisau8r.livejournal.com]

that's lucky for you. for me, the first time was last year, Dat (who was the boss-in-charge until a few days ago when he quit) was talking to some friends, I can't remmeber which happened first but he was getting sensitive everytime they implied things and they were getting fed up with him being touchy, so it didn't go well. He came across as a bit of a b-stard, took some alone time for a couple of months, came back and things are largely better now. We did lose friends though. Some support us, some insist we're lying and accuse us of it behind my back (said it to Dat and lil eri, and also when none of us were present, but never to me who they assume is the only "real" person here). It hurts. We're getting used to it though.

[whispersong.livejournal.com]

this systems people have lost friends & such too over this issue of being multiple.

personally i do not care about the outside worlds singlets at large. i have little use for most of them unless they are willing to at least respect that i am as real as they are. if they do that much, i'm willing ot educate, help, laugh with & share their company.

what else is there...? you get on with life & make it as pleasant as possible.

T

[chrisau8r.livejournal.com]

personally i do not care about the outside worlds singlets at large. i have little use for most of them unless they are willing to at least respect that i am as real as they are. if they do that much, i'm willing ot educate, help, laugh with & share their company.

*nods* This is very true. I have a lot of singlet friends, being the one who deals with them most, and they are special to me, but the ones who couldn't handle it all I'm doing fine without. My best friends are the ones who acknowledge and accept it, my best friend always knows what's going on in the system, asks how people are doing when they've been having a rough time, today one of the littles made her first phone call ever so she could tell him about the snow we had today.

The friend who had been attacking us, however, the kids dismiss as "norty" and then forget about, and the older ones sort of frown and ignore him. lol

[hairymonster.livejournal.com]

my best friend always knows what's going on in the system, asks how people are doing when they've been having a rough time, today one of the littles made her first phone call ever so she could tell him about the snow we had today.

Hold on to friends like that, they're worth their weight in gold. I have one, she's the first person who believed my story, need people like that around :)