hello

[readyalready.livejournal.com]

Hi all,

i went in to see a therapist for serious depression a few months ago. i've since been diagnosed w/ depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder and god knows what else...last session she brought up dissociative identity disorder. i didn't know what it was and for some reason didn't ask, and then i looked it up...and now i'm scared. we were talking about how i dissociate often, i run away from stress, i split myself off, sometimes i act like a three yr old, sometimes i take on another identity, but while i understand i may have a dissociative disorder, i really don't think i have DID. i read that a person w/ DID believes they are more than one person and i feel more connected than that, i know what i do and while sometimes i feel like i can't control it, i still realize i'm one person. now i know why she was asking me "does she have a name?" or "does she have another age?" etc. i am confused and scared. i do not think i have amnesia, so i don't fit the criteria so why is she bringing this all up if i don't fit the criteria? i have therapy again on monday so i'm going to bring it up and hopefully get some answers. this is all new to me, and i just recently joined an abuse survivors community and a ptsd community so i thought i'd check this out too. i'm just really alone right now cause at this point i dont feel comfortable telling anyone about this mpd stuff and all of this hit at a such a bad time (i ran into my abuser a few months ago..the first time i'd seen him since childhood..which has spiraled me into this hell). i know i've needed therapy forever, but i didn't realize how much would come out and i'm feeling like i now need to be in therapy a lot longer than i wanted to be. i want to heal and get on with my life. i can't afford (literally) to stay in this state much longer. i just sorta feel like having all these labels of different mental illnesses is freaking me out more than anything. i just thought i was depressed.

take care everyone and i'm looking forward to learning more about this.