not made of stone but moving as slow

[nematoddity.livejournal.com]

Hey.

For these past several months I haven't been checking in to a lot of my communities, because I've been without steady computer access. So here, among many others, I just haven't been reading the daily entries, and I'm sorry about that.

Because...something's come up. Maybe.

We're not sure yet, but we think someone's awake. My partner Cat pointed the possibility out to me this morning, and I broke down and told her that for the past week or so, I've been having episodes of missing time, blackouts, an increase in insomnia, an excess in sleeping...things that aren't necessarily out of my pattern, but things that haven't been a steady part of the pattern for a few years or more. And this time I'm mostly aware of all of it.

I hadn't told her yet, because I was trying to figure out if it really was someone else awake, and if so, who; also, I was trying to figure out if it was someone else awake, or some other medical problem mimicking the signs.

Jury's still out. This is what we have:

-Got woken up out of a sound sleep by a small voice saying "Hello". Couldn't hear anything outside, it didn't repeat, but I had the definite feeling it hadn't been an external call but an internal one.

-Roommate took the top of my head off for coming upstairs and walking over a bowl and a spoon in the middle of the kitchen floor without picking them up. My memory of the event is me thinking, hmm, I could eat something, and then there's a patch of nothingness, no memory, and then I'm sitting downstairs in the big chair with some chicken and iced tea. Whereupon I ate. Because I'm not sure if my roommate remembers I'm a multiple, or at least used to be, I didn't want to hash out the possibility with her. Which left me basically shrugging like an idiot saying, 'Gee, don't know how I could have missed it, sorry.'

-Apparently 'I' woke up my partner couple days back, speaking in a very small, very childish voice, about losing something in the blankets. When she surfaced enough from sleep to interact and spoke to me, I spoke to her blearily in my 'normal' voice, telling her to go back to sleep. I don't remember either communication. (This in itself is not unusual; I frequently dream vocally.)

-More than once over the past few weeks I've felt this weird sort of 'doubling' effect--as if I'm not the only one looking out of my eyes. Since this is the first time I'm consciously aware of the effect, it's kind of unnerving, and doesn't give me any information about who else is back there.

Individually, it could just be further evidence of some other problem. Taken together...I'm pretty sure someone else is awake, but I don't know where to go from here.

Anyone wanting to chime in is more than welcome to, but I'm not so much looking for a solution as I am looking for validation.

Comments

[kao-no-san.livejournal.com]

A couple months ago I went in to work. When I got there I had completely forgotten how to work the computer there and was struggling to remember things that normally should have been second nature to me. It wasn't a single occurance either. It happened on multiple occasions, enough to the point that one of my co-workers became a bit concerned for me after seeing me so out of sorts.

I later came to realize it was someone coming out after a long 'sleep'. She is not much of a fronter, now or in the past, but she does tend to double front with her 'brother' Orin, which can sometimes make for a very confusing view, since they are both different genders and each have their own preferences and ways of speaking. Nyx had apparently been the one to pick up a thicker southern accent than the rest of us, she fronted when I was much younger, during a stay in the Carolinas, the rest of us got ours from living so long in Florida. (It's a light accent, but it's there)

Nyx making a return did cause us all about a month or so of fustration and confusion. But we are all glad to have her back. Good luck.

Think I'm closest to your situation.

[nematoddity.livejournal.com]

When I joined this community several months back, I was dealing with eight alters (that I knew of--there may be more) that were all asleep. I had consciousness of the fact that they weren't awake, which was unnerving all on its own. I was told by several folks here that multiple time is a strange thing, that no one would sleep forever. I took it as good advice, but since, for all the time I've been aware of being a multiple--about four years now, since as far as I know, I've only been a front personality, the social mask for the others--they've been asleep, it's been...knowing I'm one thing, being another. If that makes sense.

Now there's stirring behind the eyes and it's just ever so slightly surreal. Because I know I'm this thing, but I've never been this thing, consciously.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

That just sounds like someone else in your system, (that "doubling" effect is well known to us) and it sounds like blackout multiplicity. Try leaving written messages for the other person. Tell him or her that they are welcome and should make themselves known to you.

Co-consciousness and common knowledge pools just aren't always possible. Leaving notes is the best way we know of, like what the Consortium do.

Everything's new this time around

[nematoddity.livejournal.com]

Because I wasn't aware the last time. So I'm coming in with proof (from other people) that I am not always myself, and there are more of me. But I don't have any concrete proof beyond what I read here, what I've read in books, as to how it *feels*.

I may never get co-consciousness. I don't know if I can develop common knowledge pools. I'll try the leaving notes idea, though I'm sure I'll feel sheepish until and unless I get one back. :)

Definitely.

[nematoddity.livejournal.com]

Knowing that others have experienced the same effect? It takes a weight off, it really does. It's one less thing that I'm wondering is purely psychological. :)

[iamshadow.livejournal.com]

Sounds like someone stirring and from the 'hello', sounds like they want to say hi too. The notes is a good idea. How's about keeping an exercise book where you can write an open intro in the front, welcoming all to write. Kind of a pseudo diary/letterbook. (I and my friends had a letterbook in highschool...someone would take it to first class, then pass it on to someone else, and so on.)

Also, posting checklists and/or weekly calendars on the fridge or bathroom mirror is a good idea, and tick them off as stuff gets done. Big and bold, so that if someone else is out front and you guys need milk, or to pay the electricity, it gets done and you guys don't end up in the dark.

Good luck.

Well, at least that's not going to be a problem...

[nematoddity.livejournal.com]

...because a), I don't work, and b), in addition to the 'bodymates' inside, I have roommates on the outside. And they divide the bills between them. I help out when I can, but I'm dealing with a ton of medical issues that are keeping me less mobile than I'd like.

I like the 'journal' idea, though. Clean off my bedside table, leave it there...of course, then the paranoia sets in--what happens if I'm the only one writing in it? Argh. :)

[ex-kiota.livejournal.com]

It sounds like you might have a little with you, in which case he/she might not be able to read the notes you leave. Maybe try drawing something and leaving a pen or crayon out? Have you tried kind of sending out an internal call for him/her to talk?

This is going to sound judgemental as hell...

[nematoddity.livejournal.com]

...but, the only little I know I have is pissed off, homicidal, and the scariest thing on the face of the earth. So if it's her there's no way in HELL I'm going to invite her to do ANYTHING where she might have access to knives.

If I've got another one...*blinks*...well, we might have to work something out. I don't recall Cat mentioning anything but a 'very little voice'. She would have mentioned if the voice was hissing--Janice usually hisses.

And claws.

We weren't on good speaking terms before everyone went to sleep. And that was back when I thought I was just crazy, not multiple.

Re: This is going to sound judgemental as hell...

[ex-kiota.livejournal.com]

You said the voice you heard also sounded small, and what Cat heard sounded like someone young. *shrugs* Is it possible for you to put out a general internal call excluding some people?

*shrugs*

[nematoddity.livejournal.com]

I have no clue. I haven't figured out how to do a general internal call yet. The mechanics of the whole process are still arcane. :)