and no one hurt me... I was never abused. I don't think I was ever abused or anything. It coudln't have happened, I mean, my mom was there almost all the time, she says my dad was never around and stuff.. god, I just don't know. The marker thing wouldn't work, Nameless is just.. she self-mutilates. she likes to inflict pain upon herself, the body.. self-punishment, it seems like. she doesn't talk at all... I dont know.. I like Tamora Pierce and Terry Pratchet.. Pierce would probably make it worse because one of my... others.. loves the books so much. She even calls herself Alanna. she's 10-13.. something.. it changes, it seems like... I don't know what I'm doing. The other day, though, my mom caught me referring to myself in the plural when talking online to Kyle, my boyfriend.. I tried to pass it off as a joke, but I'm afraid that if she found that book or something, or deduced things from my lj, or anything.. I'm so afraid. I'm tempted to check myself into the hospital before others do it for me. I'm so tempted to just let myself fall apart, let them find out.. then I at least wouldn't have to pretend. but what about my life? I was accepted to a good university which I plan to attend in the fall.. I don't want my insanity to ruin everything.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2004-05-28 08:53 pm (UTC)and no one hurt me... I was never abused. I don't think I was ever abused or anything. It coudln't have happened, I mean, my mom was there almost all the time, she says my dad was never around and stuff.. god, I just don't know.
The marker thing wouldn't work, Nameless is just.. she self-mutilates. she likes to inflict pain upon herself, the body.. self-punishment, it seems like. she doesn't talk at all... I dont know.. I like Tamora Pierce and Terry Pratchet.. Pierce would probably make it worse because one of my... others.. loves the books so much. She even calls herself Alanna. she's 10-13.. something.. it changes, it seems like...
I don't know what I'm doing.
The other day, though, my mom caught me referring to myself in the plural when talking online to Kyle, my boyfriend.. I tried to pass it off as a joke, but I'm afraid that if she found that book or something, or deduced things from my lj, or anything.. I'm so afraid.
I'm tempted to check myself into the hospital before others do it for me. I'm so tempted to just let myself fall apart, let them find out.. then I at least wouldn't have to pretend.
but what about my life? I was accepted to a good university which I plan to attend in the fall.. I don't want my insanity to ruin everything.