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[epitomeof-crazy.livejournal.com]

Wow. I really hope that I don't offend anyone by being here, and please forgive my use of terms because they might not be completely correct.

I don't actually have multiple personalities (that I'm aware of), but the main reason that I joined the community is because the subject fascinates me, and I would love to learn more about it. Who better to ask than those that have first hand experience with it right?

One question I have in particular would be how did you (your core identity) figure out/discover there were more identities? I have lots of questions other than that but I don't like to bombard people I haven't gotten to know yet, with tons of questions. I think it's a bit rude. Thanks. :)

- Kae <3

Edit: Here's another question for everyone. Where did the names of the identities in your systems come from? (Those that have names anyways) I don't really know how to word that, because I am aware that not all names are made up, but just are. If that makes sense.

Comments

[shadowechoes.livejournal.com]

Hiya and welcome :)

Well, to answer your first question, it's one of those things that I'm sure varies from System to System.

For Our System, there were always hints and such since We were very little. (We started splitting at three years old..) My mom always said I was a "multi-facetted" child. Heh. Anyway, big pointers were lots of missing time, lost memories, blacking out and then my friends telling me what "I" had been saying/doing in the meantime, actually hearing "voices" and things like that. It was hard at first, lots of denial and all of that. Then problems with people not wanting to cooperate with each other and stuff. The fighting and conflict itself was a sign that We were different people all in one body.

Finally We started having more co-conscious. We could talk to eachother and figure out where We all fit in. Nowadays, We are highly co-conscious and there's absolutely no question as to whether or now We're multiple.

I guess you could say that I am the "host" of Our System. I'm not the "original", but I've been the most dominant person (as far as who is Out the most) for the last four or five years. It's strange, but for me it was the hardest to accept new people in the System, or the fact that I could be multiple. It seems like almost all the people in Our System who came out later (or even came out before I was around and then came back or whatever) already new about the others and how We were all multiple.

Anyway, welcome and feel free to ask any questions you have. :)

~Ash
of the ShadowEchoes

[epitomeof-crazy.livejournal.com]

How many are there in your system?

[thebigidea.livejournal.com]

I don't know about a "core identity," but we first started to figure out that we weren't all the same singular person when we realized one of us was a dinosaur. :)

He had previously been an "imaginary friend." But then he started writing in our journal. So... it progressed from that.

Damon claims he's always known, but I'm not sure I believe him.

Mar

[shadowechoes.livejournal.com]

Heh, sorry just had to comment about one of your system members being a dinosaur - almost all of the people in Our system are therianthropes, meaning of having an animal spirit. Two of Our members are dinosaurs as well, Rhydan (she's a utahraptor-spirit) and Daleri (she's a deinonychus-spirit). (Rhydan also has an inner system of her own that is composed of all dinosaur-spirits.)

~Ash

[saturniakitty.livejournal.com]

It started with hearing voices, and having conversations with them, for as long as I can remember. It wasn't until at least a decade later that I realized this wasn't normal... I figured out there was actually other people there after talking to other multiples on a self-injury mailing list. And, of course, there were the reactions of people on the outside. My mother was a lovely example of this: "Why did your voice change? Why are you talking like that?? Do you have multiple personalities???" This made me think that being a multiple was an awful horrid thing, and so I was in denial about until recently.

[arimle.livejournal.com]

We don't really have a core identity. I (Elmira-Arimle) had been the frontrunner (the person doing most of the day-to-day business) for about three years before we discovered our plurality. We are median -- somewhere in between multiple and single -- we are distinct people all sharing one consciousness. We can act as the consciousness, all identifying as the consciousness, pooling our resources, or we can act as the consciousness being driven by one particular member -- this is what's going on about 80% of the time. The other 20% of the time we all just identify as the consciousness, and this is very, very tiring and the source of lots of angst. Only very rarely do we have one person out and nobody else -- and it only happens with one particular sort of dysfunctional person, who is really less of a person and more of a fragment. (Or maybe I just don't want to acknowledge her because it brings up things in our past I want to pretend never happened? Perhaps.)

How did I discover there were more people inside? That's sort of a hard question (especially since it happened so recently). I found an empowered multiplicity site online (Astraea's Web, in fact) and after reading it, wondered if it might not be applicable to me, especially to this one particular part of me who I had been thinking of as my "alter ego" and who had occasionally come out and talked with people. And so I tried talking with her and, lo and behold, she talked back, and was quite pleased to be acknowledged.

[kiya]

Our "core identity" has always been fluid. (If any such exists, which is . . . not necessarily a good model.)

When I was about fourteen I found out about Wicca and thought of taking a craft name. I found a name that suited me, and immediately came away with the impression that yes, that was a good name, but that wasn't all that was there. So I spent a while coming up with more names until I was satisfied that I had all the names I needed. (I wasn't right about having everyone, but the aspect I missed hasn't been particularly active before the last few years.)

For the next ten years or so I tagged occasional things as associating with one of those names or another, on the occasions that one or another was speaking clearly as themselves and that information was relevant. It never occurred to me to imagine myself as anything other than singlet over the course of this time, because I'm terribly dim.

I got onto usenet about four years ago, and encountered a couple of functional plural systems, specifically netdancer. Netdancer& (usually, I believe, ^Ken) talked about their plurality a fair amount, and that gave me something to think about.

More time went by. And I had something terribly strange happen -- I was in a state of mind that I'd always associated with a particular one of those names. Stormy is . . . really very strongly emotional, with the sort of emotional stuff that comes with a lot of adrenaline, the sort of thing that it takes a while to come down off and stop jittering. I realised I was hyperventilating, paid a moment of attention to it, and . . . shifted. It was like none of that biochemistry was there, it was something that belonged to someone else, some other body. No shut down, no jitters, no exhaustion, just *flick*.

I wrote to netdancer and asked from some advice about what one or another of them had referred to as 'singtuples'. Got pointers to a few median and midcontinuum writeups and resources. Went from there.

[oihanen.livejournal.com]

on keeping track of people:

name 20 people you know. name 60. heck, name 100. 500, if you like. it's not that hard, but it can be confusing sometimes, such as when the information on a certain person is split up amongst several people, but once you get all your ducks in a row, you know who people are. this works inside and out, for multiples and singletons. if i don't have all the filing systems open and cooperation of the people inside to help me place people inside and out, i'd forget who my school principle is and whether it's turtle or eeyore who's gone and locked themselves in their rooms again. but simply acknowledging different people and basic information about them is just another ability. one that all of us (not system-us, but everyone-reading-this-us) either already have or are working to develope.

the answer to your question, though, would be a big fat, "i don't know."

i'm not really the core (core? what core?), or even related to the original. i don't really know how the earlier version decided there was more than one of us. even before the first split i know of, there were two people here that i know of, and i don't know anything before that. and nobody else that would know is forthcoming with their answers. bah.

in any case, i don't mind answering your questions. at least when i've got answers. :) i'm not really a part of this community, though. i don't post, just lurk. ::waves to the rest of the community:: hi.

m.eve

[asrai-d.livejournal.com]

i keep getting annoyed. once in a while someone will show up isnide and i haven't talked to them for like a year. and then i can't remember their name. sorta frustrating.

asrai

[pengke.livejournal.com]

Well, the way you use core identity sounds like you either mean the real person or the main person.

If you mean the real person, we're all real. It doesn't really matter who came first or last or who might have created someone else. We're still all real people.

If you mean the main person, you've got to understand that not every system works that way. A lot of systems have a lot of different people that handle all of the day to day affairs and there isn't just one person doing everything. Even systems that aren't aware that they're multiple don't always have the same people using the body and doing things. A lot of systems went through a few years or months where one person did everything then someone else took over for a few months or years so the main person changed over time.

We can't remember a time when we weren't multiple. We talked to each other and played together as children. We did have someone that ended up running the body alone for a long time and she forgot about the rest of us. We still knew we were multiple though. She just needed to be reminded. She describes it as being like when you know about something but don't really know that you know. I don't know.

Oh, I'm supposed to give you these links.

http://www.tanuki.cx/pavilion/
http://www.kitsune.cx/blackbirds/layman/
http://www.astraeasweb.net/plural/

[oihanen.livejournal.com]

She describes it as being like when you know about something but don't really know that you know.

ooh. yeah. exactly. (then once you know what you know, you just know that you can't know what you're knowing, so you end up torn between knowing what you didn't know you knew and not knowing anything at all. er, sorry. couldn't resist.)

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

Ummm... first of all, I'm not a "core identity". I'm the one who's corporeal for all purposes of interacting with other people. Your question seems odd to me - it's like asking "how did you figure out/discover that you have siblings?". I don't remember either the birth of my brother-in-the-flesh or the first appearance of the 'brothers' who share my own body; in both cases, seems like they've just always been around.
.

[arhuaine.livejournal.com]

Well, as far as I can tell we don't have a "core identity" in the sense of the person born into the body. As far as I can tell she is gone. The rest of us came later. If however you mean "person who fronts/has the body most often" then that would probably be me. I figured out the whole Multiplicity thing about 6 years ago, when chatting to someone online who was also Multiple, and realising that their experiences matched mine in many ways. I then chatted to a few more and found more similarities. Prior to that, I had taken a "new-age" kind of approach, and believed that these voices I was talking to were channelled spirits or something like that. Even now, I still think the line is very blurred. Some of us really are channelled spirits.

As for "keeping track of everyone" it's not really any different from keeping track of external friends. The ones I spend most time with are the ones I know the best.

[leathersammie.livejournal.com]

My first clue came when I missed the entire 5th grade. Up until that time, I figured everyone was like me, missing time, forgetting things people said I did, getting in trouble for things I hadn't done, etc. But losing the entire 5th grade definitely gave me a clue that something could be amiss.

[asrai-d.livejournal.com]

i missed learning to write a 5 in grade one. i was so embarassed because i didn't know all of a sudden.

[1000-voices.livejournal.com]

Well we don't mind questions at all. You're welcome to come read our personal journal as well and you can ask us questions..... I mean, some alters are more apt to be friendly and answer questions moreso than others.

Anyhoo, if you wish to read how we found out we are who we are, go HERE. (http://www.livejournal.com/users/acid_poptart/166266.html) That's in our one journal that was really for just the host, Athanacia, she's the name you see on bills and on the license to drive and that kind of stuff.... so I guess she's the core. She's also an alternative model and photographer so that journal is for promotion stuff now and we got this journal to talk in.

We discovered we were what we were when she was 26 I think. And even then, she didn't really know what was going on......
You see, I always heard voices, so I thought that was normal. I didn't know it was all that different, but things started to really fall apart, I thought I was going fucking nuts to be honest. I'd forget things like where I lived, forgot my name, would "lose time" and I felt like I was constantly waking up from someone else's dream. Then I read the book, "First Person Plural" by Dr. Cameron West and it helped us figure things out.

It's different for everyone, that's just our story. If you can, read that link we sent, it's a journal entry of how we first discovered what we were.

Sorry to sound so disjointed.

-House of a 1000 Voices

[dreamingkat.livejournal.com]

it's kinda hard to explain... I'm not sure if we have a core identity or if I'm it... I'm probably not the best one to comment... I am out front most of the time, I think... I'm only hazily aware of the others... yet I have communal memory that tells me that there definately are others... maybe the problem is that I don't have a name yet... or maybe I'm dreaming... or maybe dreaming is the ... hrm.... we're gonna go process and maybe we'll post later when we've figured out who is here... sorry for the confusion, but maybe reading this will help you figure out how things work a little better (that's why I didn't just cancel the post)

[iamshadow.livejournal.com]

I'm the main front, but I don't think that that makes me the "core" or even that I was the first or the only at birth.

Was a bunch of things that made me cluey, but only after a long period of time. five becoming a lot more active after getting drawn towards multiplicity and findingplaces like Astraea's Web (http://www.astraeasweb.net/plural/) and Dark Personalities was the main clincher.

Ruth

Waking up was ... hell

[sexylittleone.livejournal.com]

we found out b/c we had an ex g/f who was multiple (She's since integrated). But at the time, we had 176+ individuals within...and the strongest ones were making us lose time, waking up at odd hours & going out into the night walking, drinking, doing drugs...sleepign with ppl we didn't know about. Shrugs. Call that what you will and judge it how you may, it was our existence.

We found out b/c one of the g/f's ppl came out. A strong, violent & very angry young woman. THis triggered one of Ours coming out, who was similar to her. When they met, it seemed as if two long lost soulmates met. They figured out they were multiple over that weekend & well...screwed around with things & left clues to let the others know they knew we were multiple. They'd leave notes behind, smoke way too many cigarettes, have sex...whatever. Waking up the next day, the cores would feel like hell b/c they hadn't really slept more than a few hours and were often hung over or feeling bruised & sore b/c of the nights violent activities. S/M games were the fun for those two and they played hard.

For the next few weeks, we slowly discovered more & more people inside & figured out why we lost time & such with the g/f. It was along & painful process. At the time the body wasn't more than 15 either...the g/f was 19. It was a hellish year in a way but it was enlightening too. Some of the alters partnered together, some hated one another, some just never came out. SOme of the littles played with one another...shrugs.

We are now 3 total. Easier system to mange but I admit to missing alot of ppl. sighs

El

[hurricanrana.livejournal.com]

i always knew. the problem growing up was that i had to hide it cos i got in trouble. i learned not to talk back to everyone else cos it was wrong to talk outloud to yourself or anyone else. teachers would say that Kyrsha and Eden were my invisible friends and think I was crazy when I'd say they're not invisible. so i was always aware of other people. but i wasn't aware of everyone. sometimes i'd stumble upon someone i hadn't met and see it in journaling or something, but it wasn't until i was in the hospital and had a make a map that i really understood things. even though it was natural for me, it was a big revelation (if that makes sense).

as far as your other question...names? how does anyone get a name? they just have them. that's just who they are. sometimes they fit really well. sometimes i think they have hidden meaning. There's one girl in my system named Salome. Knowing her the way that i do..it was amazing to hear where the origin of the name Salome came from in the bible. i don't really know how people in anyone's system gets a name. it just is I guess.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Our experience is very close to pengke's as described above; that is, we were never unaware of one another and used to talk and play together freely. The problem was to pretend to be a singlet in a world that doesn't accept behaviour based on plurality.

"Where did the names of the identities in your systems come from?"

Wasn't sure when I read this if you mean where did the names of the people came from or the places. In our world it's traditional to have several names because you might have a spiritual name that is used only in religious situations, another name that only friends or family call you, an everyday name, various nicknames or pet names, and if you are a frontrunner, an earth name like Jay or Gabriel. A name can be chosen by you, given to you by someone else, or just come to you. As far as place names, those go way back and their origins are shrouded in antiquity.

Nalush

[epitomeof-crazy.livejournal.com]

I never thought of it that way. I actually meant who gave each identity their name, if they have one.

Our names ....

[sexylittleone.livejournal.com]

I'm french...so guess it came from Elle & got shortened to El.

Adriana had a previous name which I am not allowed to give, that was was given to Hyr by our core when our core was 2. Her current name (Adriana) she chose after becoming female recently.

El

[myorp.livejournal.com]

hi! nice to meet you!

as far as things went with us it was a process. initially i was seeking explanation for why i seemed so fragmented and like alot of my highschool experience it seemed as though other people were talking to different groups of friends that we'd try to fit into. it seemed like different people at different times and alot of nights i stayed awake crying to God with my soul to show me who i was.

eventually on one of those nights Gilia and Malmenel came and tried to work how things were out. they didn't really understand because they thought they were the only ones and didn't even realize that i was the one who started the questioning or that Kent was anything more than a name that our parents gave us.

after lots of talking to friends and exploring within ourselves we started figuring more and more things out and meeting more and more of the others. some of us also learned to understand our own identities better while others of us are still trying to figure out who we are.

as for names, some of us had our own names when we arived, some of us chose our own names when we came into awareness of ourselves, and a few of us prefered to have the others name us. one of my friends who is aware of "us" actually helped me name the android that i made in system and who is developing her own personality.

and feel free to ask me any more questions you like. every system is completely different because its made up of different people so every different person you ask will have a different set of answers to your questions although sometimes they might be similar.

[epitomeof-crazy.livejournal.com]

Forgive me if I say wow a lot but wow! Thank you, I'll definitely have more questions in the future. ^-^

[pengke.livejournal.com]

Why do you call us identities?

[epitomeof-crazy.livejournal.com]

Because I have no idea what other term to use... I think it was just the first thing that came to mind and I went with it.

[myrai.livejournal.com]

Okay... hm. We don't really have a core identity but we've got a main frontrunner. She was aware of having other people around, for several years, but didn't really understand the whole idea and wasn't sure what the others were as we'd never heard of non-disordered multiplicity. Sometimes she thought of them as imaginary friends or just "voices in my head". Sometimes some of us had thought of ourselves/each other as different aspects of the same person. Eventually we came across a site on soulbonding (http://livejournal/com/~soulbonding) and since we do have soulbonds in here, recognised the concept straight away. From there we learned about things like natural multiplicity, median systems, and stuff and started thinking "Hm, that sounds like us". So there was never any big shattering revelation about actually having more than one person in here, but more about realising what was actually going on...

As to names... Most of us chose ours, and they don't tend to be particularly meaningful. Caitlin uses a variant on the body's name. Jasmine picked hers completely at random when someone asked "What's your name?" and she just gave one she thought was pretty; later she decided to stick with it. Miranda chose hers and went through several different ones before finding one she was happy with. Cerys initially didn't want to have a name and said "Oh, just call me whatever...", but eventually ended up settling on one, because it was getting a bit difficult to just refer to her as "You know, that blonde girl". Emilia, Cassandra, Viola and Rohan are soulbonds and so they came with names already attached.

[http://users.livejournal.com/-fragmented-/]

Hi :)
Our main person, or core or whatever you'd like to call her only just started taking real notice of us. She is still feeling a bit confused I think, as she always just thought we were voices from her imagination or something but then she realised there was a lot more. (I think that whole knowing but..not knowing thing that others have spoken about applies here). Sorry i'm not very good at wording what i want to say.
With names...we have mostly chosen our own.
I'm glad that you are so interested....our core has a very close friend that she has spoken to about being multiple and it makes her (and me) sad that he doesn't want to know about it and wants to pretend that none of it is real.
So any questions are welcome :)

(sorry if i didn't really answer your question :S )

[http://users.livejournal.com/-fragmented-/]

One more thing...we were just wondering what got you interested in multiplicity in the first place?
:)

- Claire

[thesaturnsystem.livejournal.com]

As for names, I've possibly been here the longest but I only just recently got a name (DazzleBerry). I got it off a livejournal My Little Pony 'meme'! =) Well I liked it so doesn't matter where I got it right? ;)

And as for the others, Fiona introduced herself with her name, Puchiko, Hotaru, and Shiori were named by our "core", and Shi chose her name. Oh wow it's weird thinking about them getting named that was such a long time ago! I remember back in the day when Shi was just referred to as the creepy death girl *laughs*

[thesaturnsystem.livejournal.com]

Oh and feel free to ask us any questions!! You can just comment on our journal =)

[arimle.livejournal.com]

Our body's name is Mira, and it's the name everybody answers to. Originally everybody was just a variation on that -- so I was Elmira and Slávka was Miroslava. Now I usually think of myself as Arimle, but that's because I have a thing about talking backwards. And Slávka has given herself a full name -- Slavěna Stříbrná -- she finds it affirming to have a whole Czech name, I guess. She chose her last name (it means "silver") after a lot of deliberation and picked her first name because she wanted to have a name with a name-day, but also keep her nickname. (She likes her name a lot. When things get slow in class, she likes to write it over and over again in the margins of my notes.)

New people tend to come with names already attached. Nova and Lucie, two little girls I'm only vaguely aware of, told us their names when we met them.