the touchy-feelies

[systematique72.livejournal.com]

hey there. we've been lurking here for about a month now, and wanted to introduce ourselves. (waves) we're still trying to figure our system out...nick, the main frontrunner, thought he was alone in here 'til i started talking to him the summer of '05. came as a total shock to him, but he's been a real trooper about it. :) there's probably a half-dozen others or so too, but they don't talk as much as nicky and i do, and i think there's even a bunch more that are kind of "in the shadows". they haven't come out at all yet.

anyways, reason i wanted to post was to ask about a weird thing we've been experiencing for a while now, and see what you all think of it. they seem to be like spirits that come to the body while it's sleeping and, uh, feel us up, so to speak...not in a bad way, just rubbing out shoulder, brushing our cheek, or hugging/spooning us. but it's very vivid, and doesn't feel like a dream at all, even after we wake up. it feels like the body was actually physically touched by someone. nick calls them the "feelies" or the "touchy-feelies", which is as good a name as any, i guess. :) it's not a bad thing, in fact it's kind of a nice feeling afterward, but it's also really *weird*. we're wondering if maybe they're other people in here that can't talk or something but are trying to let us know that they're here too.

it sounds like this dude has experienced the same thing. though he was on drugs at the time, but it happens to us when we're asleep.

and, this might be related, but we've got some weird body-image problems sometimes, mainly cause i'm a chick but the body's male. ;) like sometimes i get surprised about how tall the body is. or sometimes when we're watching a female character in a movie, it's like my sense of where the body is gets displaced to her and i can actually feel what she's feeling physically...this happens especially when we watch a romantic scene where there's lots of making out....or, uhhh.......porn. (blush) nick gets weirded out by this too, cause it's like we're in two places at once or something, and he looks down and goes, wtf, i'm a guy, i don't have boobs. he thinks it might be something like phantom limb syndrome, if any of you have ever heard of that.

ok, later. thanks for reading.
~wendy

Comments

[linnai.livejournal.com]

We sometimes get touchy-feelies too... not quite the way you explain them, but something like that. We also frequently get surprised by the body that we're using, looking in a mirror and such and finding our, usually very strong, self image is much different than our ACTUAL image.

Can be quite disconcerting.

[systematique72.livejournal.com]

yeah, i noticed in the memories for this comm there's a lot of stuff about self-image(s) not matching the body. but i didn't see anything about the feelies, so i wasn't sure if others get them too or if it was just us.

thanks for replying!

[haveapaintchip.livejournal.com]

The guys in here have the same displacement problem. Probably something to do with mental projection. We also project that we're touching each other sometimes.

I don't know what causes it. It gets enhanced when the people in here who use drugs do them. We can still do it when we're sober.

[systematique72.livejournal.com]

yeah i forgot to mention that. we often project touching each other too. we do it when we're feeling lovey-dovey, or when we're stressed out. although we usually experience it from nick's perspective, i guess cause he has more practice running the body than i do. the feelies are a little different though. we know neither one of us is doing it, and whoever they are, they don't talk to us directly. we do hear them giggling sometimes, or whispering, but we can't make out what they're saying....they seem kind of mischievous, like little kids or keebler elves or something.

like i said, it's pretty goddamn weird. :3

[systematique72.livejournal.com]

yeah, for us it sometimes feels like the body has phantom breasts sticking out, or we feel stimulation inside where the vagina/clit would be if we had one. i don't think it's strange, but it kind of weirds nick out a little. but hopefully he'll learn to get used to it.

then there are other times when it feels like i'm sitting/standing right next to the body, which is weird for me because it's from the body's perspective, not from my phantom body's. so it's like the phantom body is both mine and not mine at the same time....gah. it's hard to explain.

[phen0type.livejournal.com]

We can sympathize with a disidentification with the body, and feeling 'phantom body-parts'. By the way, I welcome you to the community, both on my own behalf and on the behalf of the rest of my system.

RIchard
Fen Group

[phen0type.livejournal.com]

Richard, not RIchard.

[systematique72.livejournal.com]

well thanks for welcoming us, Richard not RIchard! ;)

[shade-durza.livejournal.com]

I never connected the touchy-feelies with being multiple but now you got me thinking. When I am depressed during the day it feels like somebody crawls next to me in bed at night and holds me. I really wouldn't know what it is though.

I completely understand the disidentification with the body and the phantom limb syndrome. We all have it, even me and I was born into this body. Sometimes a suit just doesn't fit. Some of us got so freaked out that I've covered the two mirrors that I got with towels.

Welcome to the community. :)

[systematique72.livejournal.com]

thanks. i guess what we're trying to figure out is if the feelies are some more people in our system that haven't come out yet, or if they're outside spirits just visiting us, or what their deal is. i think they could be other members of our system because nick and i can project touching each other on the inside, and i can project being outside touching the body, like i mentioned in the other replies.

wouldn't it be great if we had a set of bodies that matched what we look inside that we could use on the outside whenever we wanted to? though i'd also want to be in telepathic communication with the others, cause i'd miss them a lot if i couldn't hear them (which has happened before). ah well. maybe someday, when cyborg technology is perfected and we can just download our minds to a computer etc. etc.

[shade-durza.livejournal.com]

A set of bodies would be cool but also kind of weird! Like you said I would like some form of telepathic communication but it would still be...strange. Gods, the damage all of us could inflict :P

As for the feelies; I'm going to investigate further myself because if they are part of the system I would really like to know. Whatever they are or whatever it is it's comforting and not obtrusive.
I can also touch the others (if they let me obviously) so it really makes me wonder if the two are related...

[raze--the-rose.livejournal.com]

I get those a lot. Also, I think somebody in my body (I'm female) must be a male, though I haven't met him, because I swear to god I get wierd body images when watching a movie sometimes, or seeing people in public. Good to know I'm not the only one.

[systematique72.livejournal.com]

Good to know I'm not the only one.

likewise! :)

[weirdiguess.livejournal.com]

We have the body image/feeling stuff very very often.

The 'touch feelies... We tend to project a lot, at least when our system is at its most functional (right now stress has sort of put a stop to it). That can manifest as similar to what you describe. We have only once experienced what we'd describe as a tactile hallucination, the sensation that somebody physical actually touched us. It was a hand on our shoulder. We were so blendy at the time we're not even sure who it *was*. It was gone as soon as we tried to see.

~Selene

[aimeepatricia.livejournal.com]

I dislike using my Ender's body for just about anything. I tell him what to type, and he types. Its tall, and I'm short. Its male, and I'm female. Everything feels weird.

Neither of us have ever experienced odd random things hugging or whatnot. I can easily generate tactile, auditory, and visual hallucinations in him; its how I interact with him for more intimate things.

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

Many in our group interact with each other outside of the body. So we have people within the body and without the body who communicate. This is also how many of us relate with each other in physical ways as well. For holding, hugging, intimacies, etc. Many of us have personal relationships with each other and this is a wonderful way for us to make contact with one another. Amirah, for instance, will at times bring her children to the front with her. They'll sit on her lap and interact near the front this way. *smiles*

Kasia

[katullus.livejournal.com]

I know that one of the first ways anybody in here interacted with me was through the very touchy feelies you described, particularly spooning. It was at night, one time I was feeling very nervous and upset and alone. And I could just feel Katullus climb into bed with me and wrap his arms around me. He told me he'd protect me and that everything would be okay. I slept like a baby. It's his favorite way of comforting me. Not only that, I can sometimes feel him or other members caressing my face.

Also, I know that when Katullus is fronting, he's done double takes passing the mirror many, many a time. It gets very creepy.