Toiling

[cross-clan.livejournal.com]

I hesitate posting to this community because "I" am part of a semifunctional trauma based system and feel a little out of place.  

Until we stumbled on this community a few months ago, We bought into the belief that we where broken in need of repair.  This viewpoint has always felt uncomfortable for most of us.

We've only had a small glinpse of healthy multipicity and "I" feel envious!!  In part "I" feel intimidated by the concept. And the thought that we may never achieve it tears me up. "I" desire  the communication and organization sooooo much.

I'm sorry for the lack of clarity, feeling a little emotional

- Trich

Comments

[terendel.livejournal.com]

Is it possible that now you have seen healthy multiplicity that you can work toward it yourself? Many of the people on this forum have struggled for communication and organization. Perhaps with time and support, you two can have it.

[cross-clan.livejournal.com]

It is possible. I'm not usually so negative.
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with the way things seem to be going, one steep forward two steeps back.

[hold-me-coldly.livejournal.com]

We are also trauma-based. And also very disorganized, chaotic and some unco-operative. As opposed to integration, I expressed a deep desire to work toward co-operation and communication within to my therapist and this is what we are working on. Perhaps you and yours could do the same. *hugs*

[cross-clan.livejournal.com]

The thought of integration scares us to death!!
I feel like there's allot of good in here if we could just work things out.

[chaostiny.livejournal.com]

We too are trauma-based... we have gone from non-functional to mostly functional, going to college, managing a budget, actually having healthy relationships...etc... It is possible to work things out, it just takes a lot of well... work.:) Hang in there... the ride may be rough but it is worth the destination...

[cross-clan.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It's helpful to know that some systems have moved from one side to the other.

[shandra.livejournal.com]

Hey Trich. :) My belief is most if not all multiples can get there - sometimes you have to see it first to know what you're aiming for though. Welcome!

What do you find intimidating in the concept?

[cross-clan.livejournal.com]

The only thing we've understood to this point was integration.
So the possibilities of healthy multipicity seem huge; But desirable nonetheless.

[shandra.livejournal.com]

Oh I can see that: how do you manage so many competing demands/feelings/versions/etc. as opposed to trying to get it down to one person.

Although to us, integration has always seemed like an insurmountable hurdle: how could we possibly decide who/what stays/goes and so on. And what if we lost people's strengths? Yikes! So. :-)

You didn't ask for advice so this might be out of place but the one thing we have found most helpful is to focus on the postive and best characteristics of each person, while maintaining fairly strict bottom lines (no harming the body or others; go to work every day; etc.). So someone who seems "totally mean and nasty" can be seen as "strong-willed, expressive, and full of a dynamic energy." It doesn't mean they can go be awful, but they can be appreciated where they are for who they are. FOR US (not for everyone) that has been where health's mostly come from.

That and a few well timed bribes like guitar lessons. :-) Keep us posted on how things go!

[cross-clan.livejournal.com]

That gives me some new ideas, Thank you for the input.

-Trich

[catskillmarina.livejournal.com]

Welcome !

Dont feel uncomfortable. Functionality is a spectrum. Even though
we get along in our job and world well does not mean that we do not
have our dysfunctional times. EVERYONE does ;-) It is part of life.
When your emotions and moods are a flat line... so are all the rest
of your body functions....

Again, welcome. We have had to work very very hard to get the level
of function we now have.

--- Miri of Mtribe

[cross-clan.livejournal.com]

Part of the problem is most of what we see is the functionality and not the road traveled.

[catskillmarina.livejournal.com]

We were there 18 months ago - loosing time and all sorts of crazy stuff.
Progress can come quickly with work.

---- Miri of Mtribe

[pthalo]

hello from another trauma based system that isn't what one would call functional either (though we've been worse *shrug*)

you know, it will take a lot of time and it will be a lot of work and it won't be pleasant and you'll never ever reach a stage where everyone agrees all the time and everyone's happy and there are no problems because this is earth we're talking about here, but things can get better, even for trauma based systems. there are in existence healthy multiple systems who were created through terrible violence. i think that's part of what recovery is about -- getting to that place where things are sort of okay and you communicate with each other and things aren't always happy but everything doesn't suck anymore and you don't wake up every morning going "gah! another day of this!"

we're not really functioning that great, but right now our current lack of functioning is more due to ocd and to some extent ptsd and some general life suck than anything but i think at least some of us have reached the place where not everything is about abuse anymore. you know that stage where it's all you can think about and everything you do is because you were abused and everything you don't do is because you were abused and every child you see you feel jealous of, or worry "who's gonna ruin you too?" and it's all you write about in your journal because it's all you can think about and everything you do, you do it as an abuse survivor somehow, even if it's just going to the movies? i think we're finally past that stage.

you'll get there, if you guys work hard. don't beat yourself up for not being there now, it won't get you any closer to it. i know you're probably working hard now and you're wondering if there's anything to do to work harder, and there might be, but there might not be, unfortunately it's not the sort of thing you can just microwave for 3 minutes and have it done with.

[cross-clan.livejournal.com]

3 minutes would be nice!

[netdancer.livejournal.com]

You can get there.

Netdancer Collective is trauma based. We've had years where we were such a mess it is amazing we retained any sort of coherency at all...

Look at us now. :)

Break it down, big tasks into smaller ones. Don't be afraid to try things that might improve communication - if one doesn't work, there will be something else to try.

Preservere.

It's a long, hard road. But the end results - the power to shape and create yourself? Worth it.

[cross-clan.livejournal.com]

Thank you. We needed to hear that!

-Trich

[weirdiguess.livejournal.com]

You can get there if you work at it. Least that's what I think.

The girls sometimes read this place and get pretty emotional, sometimes a little envious. It happens. Everybody's different.

[crystalseraph.livejournal.com]

I'm definately not trauma based at all, and neither are the others here, but there has certainly been hard times, just no definitive 'split' or roles or anything...we are on a crash-course to funtionality, with one guy trying to regather pieces of himself, one guy in a certain degree of denial that we are are a group, and the other with a stressful working life inside. So it really is something you just conciously work with. Stuff here certainly doesn't happen automatically and its definately not easy.

Good luck, I'm sure you and your group can work something out. Communication seems to be the most important thing: if you guys aren't able to talk to each other directly, then setting up a place for you all to write or record stuff for each other is apparently a good way to go :D

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

Being "healthy" is also a state of mind. If any group says they are perfect and the absolute model of being fuctional, I'm not sure I'd believe them. We certainly aren't, but we do work very hard to try and maintain an aura of functionality.

"Healthy Multiplicity" doesn't mean perfection. I personally believe it means that a group has made a decision amongst themselves to accept the way they are and work towards being co-operative with each other. Once those sorts of decisions are made then other areas can slowly fall into place.

-Butterfly & Jenilee

[cross-clan.livejournal.com]

My introduction to the system was eight mounths ago, and I had the preconceived notion that we would be further along by now. I'm trying so very hard to figure out where we fit in the big picture.

I'm looking forward to the many aspests of a healthier state of mind.
And I am trying not to be frustrated with our lack of progress. At the same time the prospects of "Healthy Multiplicity" (even to a digree) rather than "integration" inspire us.

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

Always go at your own pace. Comparing yourself to others is fine as long as they are being used as an inspiration for how you'd like to be or not like to be. Everyone moves differently. Wanting to be a certain way is a step closer to it actually happening. Be patient with yourselves.

Kasia

[cross-clan.livejournal.com]

Part of the reson I'm pushing is a portion of my frounting time things are fuzzy, and I can't seem to reach ether side. This feeling terrifys me.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Check the community userinfo -- you are not out of place here, it's open to all.

Anyway, all that "functional" means really, bottom line, is the earth world stuff -- bills get paid and the trash gets taken out, etc. Doesn't matter who does it. We've seen groups who tell us they have a lot of internal chaos and are re-arranging their operating system and so on, but all the daily responsibilities were getting done. It isn't some huge goal, it's everyday things.

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

(And making pasta without it accidentally going down the disposer in the sink.)

[shandra.livejournal.com]

What??? Shit do I have to turn in my 'functional' badge? What ratio of pasta inside strainer to outside strainer do you have to maintain???

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

Mine was 100% pasta into the disposer!

-Butterfly

[nat-leia.livejournal.com]

XD Thanks for that.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

And maneuvering ground coffee from the grinder into the freezer storage container (an empty TJ's cream cheese carton) without spilling any -- including on the floor like I did this morning. Hey, but I vacuumed!

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

I spilled sugar on the counter while pouring it into the sugar bowl. lol

-Butterfly

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

:D I read one of those coffee table books once that had different age groups saying some of the most valuable things they'd learned, and an 80-year-old lady said "I've learned that the best place to fill a sugar bowl is over the sink."

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

That's a good idea. :)

[phen0type.livejournal.com]

This community is meant for all sorts of multiple or plural systems, not only 'healthy multiples'. You are very welcome to post here about your experiences. There are others in this community that are going through things that are similar to you, so I hope you do not feel alone here.

Richard of Fen Group

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

"Functional" is kind of a loaded term. We used to use it to mean, roughly, "systems who try to live cooperatively and don't buy into the idea that being multiple means they HAVE to always be less healthy/functional than a singlet", but we've also seen accusations of nonfunctionality slung around as insults, or people demanding incredibly stringent criteria be met before you can call yourself functional. (You can't be disabled, unemployed, depressed, have PTSD issues, etc-- even if you're working on the issues you can do something about.)

And that is never how we intended the word to be used, and makes me regret that we used to use it a lot. And we've seen people pick up some of the same misconceptions about it that they picked up about "empowered"-- that it meant you couldn't have any kind of abuse or trauma history, or personal problems etc. By those definitions, we fail the criteria for functionality, even though we're not a created-by-trauma system. And that's really absurd; it should have a lot more to do with how you are now than with anything about the past. Yes, we've done some incredibly stupid and misguided things over the years trying to stay alive emotionally, even though they didn't all have to do with our own multiplicity. Now, we figure-- big deal. A lot of people do stupid and ultimately harmful things for the same resons. It's better that we admit to it than pretend we've always been June Cleaver and prop our life history up as any kind of model for others. We don't want other systems to have to go through some of the same kinds of things we did, while trying to figure themselves out. That's part of the reason our page exists.

[cross-clan.livejournal.com]

That was very helpful, As I'm reshaping my perceptions of "healthy multiplicity"

Perhaps another factor to our tainted inference was within our own residential community.

For twenty years we were hospitalized, Druged, and therapized in an attempt to explain, memory problems, thoughts that were not mine, hearing things that "normal people" didn't, sensations of being pulled into an abyss, and so on.

My childhood memorys are fragmented, and may account for a month of the body's life, but in that month's time people seemed to see me as strange, and almost fear me.

The reason for my lengthy sentences, and my emphasis on "normal people"; was to illustrate the idea that from my earliest childhood memorys to just before this community, that my inferences where built from societies way of telling me that I'm not okay, psychotic, and crazy.

I think most of us would agree that from these experiences we've learned to not trust anyone around us.

I just wonder if my misconceptions of certain terms may in part be due to my overzealous thoughts that society may have it wrong.

-Trich

Weeee, healthy multiplicity!

[delraith.livejournal.com]

Then you can play around with what normal is. Is it just people who obtained more of the 'sanity' illusion?

If normality is sanity -- multiplicity in our view is not in any way insanity, mental illness, w/e, it just means you have a higher population density (haw, haw) -- and you guys want that funny word, you just have to (something we have to more like) insure the well being of your community. Because we're not one person, we're in one body, but ehn't in no way one person.

Shit, we're giving advice, and it could be unfounded, not to mention we're not doing the "it feels like to me..." So, the above, is our perspective, you guys might have a different solution.

The word 'integration' always frightens us too. I don't know what I would do if every one else vanished, well integrated; simply put, I love the voices in my head (I know it's our head, pshh).

I'll avidly state that society does conceive multiplicity badly, well most societies. As is a reoccurring matter, psyche dictionaries, media, all portray a very stereotypical 'disorder' DID, MPD, DDNOI, etc. You see movies like Fight Club, and that gives us (our household) a pretty bad rap.

Blah, about to rant about people not liking us, well not accepting, as we're all supposedly aspects of one person.

Which is WRONG, idiots...

Aye, it is wrong. I like to think we know what's going on in our head.