An interesting conversation

[mirrorbrothers.livejournal.com]

So, we were at a con last weekend, rooming with some old friends who knew about me back before I started fronting. I was in front when we went back to the room one night, and I got into a conversation with them (our first) in which I got a couple comments I wasn't expecting.

"I'm having trouble thinking of you as a separate person," Yeah, I'd noticed - but I didn't say that out loud, "because I'm used to dealing with you both together, as a unit."

And I really didn't know what to say to that. It's more or less true - I couldn't front yet when he and Rob were roommates, but I was present around him pretty often. Rob would talk to me out loud in front of him sometimes, or generally react to me, or sometimes repeat what I said as his own words. And I can't really say we've stopped doing that, either. But at the same time, I don't want to be thought of as half a person.

I guess I want to be considered separate from Rob, but not separated from him - sometimes the two of us want to be together, in the ordinary sense of the word. I like talking to him and doing stuff with him, and I don't want to have to do that only in private (not that anyone was asking me to, but y'know) lest someone see us both behind one face and feel we're one person. But it wasn't any sort of prejudice, just a natural impression any close friend might have gotten from the way we act and my unusual fronting situation. So people are getting ideas about me I don't like, more from my actions than any fault of theirs.

The other friend said at one point, "I feel kind of cheated. Like, I really want to spend time with Rob -" suspicious but mercifully brief pause, "- and I also want to get to know you, and make friends. And now I have less time for either."

Again - how do I take that? I'm pretty sure I'm flattered, but it's a little odd to hear someone regretting our multiplicity, even for a reason as pleasing as that. I'm a little worried she might not grok how relatively small a downside this is. But I guess perspective will come in time, if it's not there already.

I suppose I was wondering if anyone had thoughts on any of this, or similar experiences, or whatever.

Comments

[rabbitsystem.livejournal.com]

We've a friend who said, in as near to his own words as I can remember: "I probably shouldn't, but I keep thinking of you as one person with parallel processing."
Which isn't insulting as such; it may be true, after all.
It's just slightly disappointing that he can't treat us as different absolutely, as just together by chance. He has to keep thinking of us as an illusion caused by funny wiring. Maybe we are, but I'd rather not be treated as a synonym for my headmates.

[slaneyder.livejournal.com]

As a single, I can imagine why it's hard for Rob's/your friends to grasp that this really isn't a disadvantage afterall.

Although it's nothing near the same thing, I have identical twin friends; there are times when I want to spend time with Twin A exclusively, and not Twin B. The other way around also applies. Most of the time, though, the three of us all hang out together.

I guess that's about as close to understanding as I can come. I'm still new to this whole multiple thing.

[dark-blade.livejournal.com]

Hm. I was going to say have them kinda consider you like being friends with a couple, but the twin thing works too.

[shandra.livejournal.com]

My thought is on the friend feeling cheated front that it'll work out. My friends worried a lot that things would change. And of course they changed a little but the essences of our various relationships did not, and in the end that was what was important. :) The time thing comes and goes I find; sometimes it seems like there is never enough time and then sometimes there's plenty.

(Until you have a baby, but that's not relevant!!)

For the other... well not to be pessimistic because you never know, but we do have some friends who just don't. get. it. They do treat us a single person. And we remain friends with them for totally other reasons. I find that as long as we're ok with where we are, it works. Once we're struggling for any other reason, those are the friends we drift away from for a bit.

[terendel.livejournal.com]

Understand completely the not wanting to be thought of as half a person. I've had a tough time with singlet friends "getting" that I am separate without being separated. You said that perfectly!

I think if your friends are willing, you need to be seen more often. The more my friends see me, the more they start to understand that I am not just another aspect of my mindmate. In fact, the more I front, the more I understand myself, my likes, my dislikes and how I am different. It's been an enlightening experience, this frequent fronting thing.

Richard

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

*points to what shandra and terendel said* This is about the way I see it, especially the frequent fronting part.

[panther3751.livejournal.com]

Actually, that's kind of what I feel about myself and Z ... not that we're "half a person", no not that, but that we're more of a unit than two individuals. Not that we aren't two individuals, but ... I guess what I'm saying is, as a unit we're greater than just us alone.

We're seperate, but not seperated, just like what terendel said.

I guess I came to this mental conclusion because we rarely front alone. So while our conciousness and personality are different, we're usually both on the surface when interacting with people or situations. Two mental workings behind the same action. Different reasons for the same words. Etcetera.

I'm just trying to say that it's not a bad thing to be seen as a unit - though it is a bad thing to be seen as less than a whole person.

I'm sorry if I didn't make complete sense.

[mirrorbrothers.livejournal.com]

No, that makes a lot of sense. We work as a team. And maybe once I get better at fronting, Rob will be able to kibitz without throwing me off. Then people will see the difference between "Rob fronting while Johnny's there" and "Johnny fronting while Rob's there."

[leto-2-atreides.livejournal.com]

Working as a unit is something that makes a lot of sense to me, too. I am not even sure if or whether that needs an explanation, or possibly what I mean more, with this twin-ning/teaming thing, I am not sure if explanation is something that can be fully given without leaving out a lot of important stuff: emotions going between the two.

(just as a matter of fact, we do quite often co-front in a way that one is the what we call direct front and the other one is an indirect front, it is not exactly co-fronting in the classical sense.

The indirect one can be in the 'back' actually and deal with some totally front-unrelated stuff, yet will get the impressions and (positive) flashbacks of what is going on on the front the parallel time. Anyone else doing this or just our quirk? Smile.)

Leto (for me's and Ghani and her me's. Two plurals, same system.)