(no subject)

[freakshownia.livejournal.com]

If you are the main front (or one of them) do you ever wish that you could just step back, and let others take over? And just be completely cut off, not watching the action or anything.

I do. Life is stressful, and sometimes I just want time off. But then that seems unfair - singlets can't "take a break" and let others control their body while they're away.

What do you think? If other people in your system are willing to take control while you're gone, is it still "fair"?


[Edit: The reasoning behind this is because I have heard singlets mention that they wish they could do the same, but obviously they can't. I guess it's silly to think of this in terms of fairness, but this is just something that occured to me.]

Comments

[kangetsuhime.livejournal.com]

But then that seems unfair - singlets can't "take a break" and let others control their body while they're away.

And people born with no legs can't walk normally without special aids, should I use a wheelchair out of sympathy or regard for 'fairness'?

If people want to take over, and you feel like a break, go for it. We do it out of habit now. We barely even notice.

[mirrorbrothers.livejournal.com]

Fair? Fair to who? If Rob could step all the way back and let me take complete control, but refused to out of "fairness" to singlets, I'd scream my head off. There's plenty of ways that singlets can take a break from life, but if you never leave the front, your headmates don't have any other bodies to use. So I'd say you're trying to be fair to the wrong people.

Johnny

[leucrocuta.livejournal.com]

Eh, you could equally say (and people often do) that it's "not fair" that multiples have to divide one body and one life between them.

If you want a break, and others are happy to step up and take the front, and it's possible for you to step back and let them, then I am really not seeing the problem here.

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

Eh, you could equally say (and people often do) that it's "not fair" that multiples have to divide one body and one life between them.

*g* Can I borrow that and use it somewhere (with your permission, of course)?

[leucrocuta.livejournal.com]

Hey, sure. :)

In my case

[worldnamer.livejournal.com]

Lately, I've been escaping the world a lot by stepping back and letting others handle the mess, so your post hits home. The others find this to be unhealthy, and unfair on them, because they have to cover for me while I'm gone.

I think if others are willing to step up, though, yes, it's totally fine to take a break. As always, negotiation with the people you need to deal with is a must. Assuming it works for y'all, then I don't see a problem. But if they're not okay with it, then maybe it isn't fair.

[gryphons.livejournal.com]

We tend to agree with the majority sentiment, so far. We have several primaries.. and change out quite frequently.

If you have people who are capable and willing to take the front, why would you not accept their offer. Would you turn down a vacation at work if someone offered to fill in for you?
We see no problem with sharing time.. For us.. it has worked out much better than having one person primary til they fall over.. accept what your family/friends/headmates are offering.. it's good for you and them..

As far as fairness, unless someone you want to step in objects.. then why worry about fairness with single souls

[grey-reverie.livejournal.com]

I actually have the luxury at my option to back off from the front and hide out in the inner world, but.... I don't really take it. I used to run and hide when things got really tough, but have toughened up these past few years, and would rather stand and face life knowing I've got family to support me rather than hand off my problems to them.

Hrmm... that, and only a few other system members are actually able to run the show on their own, but none of them are too interested in this world, ya know? I don't blame them. :3

-luca

[posywink.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I wish I could step back and not witness some of the stupid stuff we have to deal with. But it seems as if I have to be around to some degree, if only to run things. Sometimes Craig takes over managerial duties in my absence, and it usually works pretty well, but it's difficult if not impossible for me to back out completely. Believe me, my teammates would be thrilled if I could do that. -- Julia

As for fairness, as long whoever takes over is **ready and willing** to do so, we don't consider it unfair. Some of us don't mind being pulled in at a moment's notice. Others simply refuse to be yanked by the shirt collar by someone who's pleading, "C'mon! Sit in the chair 'cause I need you to handle this RIGHT NOW!" So for us, it depends on the person, really.

That's pretty much what everyone else has said. Aren't we original? -- Craig, with input from Thomas and Zoe

[browncoatrebel.livejournal.com]

I wish I could, but I've found that the others can't function as well--or sometimes at all--if they're not functioning through me. They aren't used to dealing with the world on any terms but their own, and not for extended peiods of time--we've discovered this the hard way.

Also, I've found that I cannot willingly switch back the way others can switch forward at will. I believe that it was because I was created specifically to be a front. Most of the time I'm my own person, but sometimes others use me as a shell--I am present and aware, but it's like they are wearing me as their skin--I don't know how better to describe it. Only a few times have I been able to remain gone for extended periods of time, and those were when others decided to force me back because I was just not functioning in the real world.

As to fairness, what we tend to believe is unfair is to demand that someone take over because whoever's at front doesn't want to handle it. We believe it's acceptable--even encouraged--to ask for help, but in our system forcing someone to take over--or not take over--is unacceptable. The exception to this rule is when someone is unsafe to him/herself or the rest of the system/body. Then we can force them to do stuff, usually to stay back.

Sara

[pthalo]

omg all that time. of course, they do take over for me, and while some of it is "hey, it bugs me that the laundry hasn't been done, it obviously isn't bugging you, pthalo, so i'm going to take care of it", which makes me happy, because yay clean clothes, and sometimes someone else will go to class instead of me, but most of the "breaks" i get are "ooooh that looks interesting". i get plenty of breaks from eating pizza and watching movies and playing on the internet, oh, boy, do the others give me plenty of break time when there's a computer screen around!

and i think it's perfectly reasonable to want to take breaks and to take them. it's like living in a house with a bunch of roommates. it wouldn't be cool if one person was doing all the cleaning and all the shopping and all the work, would it? sure singlets don't get breaks from their head, but if they live with someone else, they ideally get some breaks from housework when their housemates chip in. and oftentimes if one person in a family is feeling upset and needs a break from life the other people will take over a bit for a little while to help them out.

[chex-mix.livejournal.com]

Pizza is my very best to eat. Ashley

[duckbunny.livejournal.com]

This is actually Seb speaking - but Control wants to say that in our system, she's always conscious, and the thought of not being awake when the body is baffles her. Baffles me, too, how the body could function without her. She's kind of the valve - if she wanted to she could push me back but she might have to fight, and she doen't often do that. More often it's of a morning that she has trouble letting me and the others out. That's not deliberate, it's just that she isn't very good at stepping aside yet - cos for us it is 'aside' and not 'back'.
The point is, sorry to ramble, that yes she'd like to be able to step back completely but that we don't think that's possible in our system. I can, so can the rest - but not Control.

here's a bit of a rant, but I do answer you eventually

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Side note, only peripherally related to the discussion:

Many therapists and some multiples still believe that the entire point of multiplicity is a perceived ability to escape reality. The fact that some multiples report subjective places or worlds enhances this notion.

This presupposes that the earth world, the here and now, is the one and only genuine authorised reality. To paraphrase Tolkien, we have long been beset by the attitude that to embrace any world but that of consensus, material reality arises out of some form of original sin, and that we must be converted to a new religion in which we see and believe only in that material world.

It is not escapism (in a negative, non-Tolkienised sense) to wish to travel elsewhere. One of the most common and irritating misperceptions about Peter Pan is that the children left with Peter because their home lives were unpleasant. An entire professional fan fiction (Wendy) was published some years ago based on the idea that the children were abused and neglected. Indeed, they were not -- they were very happy, as Barrie describes. It was a desire to travel, to see the Neverland, to have adventures -- the same as Alice -- that induced them to leave with Peter. They would never have gone had they not known that Mrs Darling would leave the window open. (Peter himself had counted on his own mother leaving the window open, and she didn't.)

That said, I'll answer your question by describing our experience. Jay was our "main front" for many years, and it took a great deal of effort and energy to pry him out of that position. He still defaults to front; it's habit. Habits can be broken.

And no, I don't see it as unfair that we can exchange places at the front and singlets can't; singlets generally have their own ways of managing these things. Consider the very commonly reported experience of "leaving one's body", or feeling that one has actually traveled to another place in a dream.

Re: here's a bit of a rant, but I do answer you eventually

[chex-mix.livejournal.com]

I love those books!

[chex-mix.livejournal.com]

i do it when i sleep.ian.

[tempusfrangit.livejournal.com]

We can and do. I'm the primary-around-the-core's-family fronter. My backup is The Echo. I took the name of the Core.

We have different levels of fronters and who their backup is, just in case. Then there's the hoards who don't front at all. :\

[raido-household.livejournal.com]

I admit I've sometimes thought about that. I'm usually the one who's fronting all the time so it gets tiring after awhile - especially when I'm doing stuff the others remind me to do.