Grrrrr

[eightvoices.livejournal.com]

It seems hard to say things but tonight, i just need to vent a little. My entire system seems to be rather chaotic right now. It seems that every voice wants to be heard and yet not all can agree to take turns. Some feel so angry, some are afraid, some are very sad, and some are still in denial. Does this ever get easier?????

Comments

[eightvoices.livejournal.com]

It seems so hard to be patient right now. I know that gentleness with my selves s important and I know that it is hugely disruptive to some of those within to be "outed" in the sense that I am here and discussing it. We were so well trained to keep silent and keep the secrets that it still feels very scary to tell.
And, BTW, thanks for taking the time to reply!

[spookshow-girl.livejournal.com]

Sounds a little like life itself there.

--Me

[our-menagerie.livejournal.com]

Depends on the definition of "easier" I guess. For us, yes a lot of things got easier over time. In the beginning though we didnt think it would ever get easier. Seven years later I can look back and say even though we still have problems, a lot of things are definitely easier now.

[gryphons.livejournal.com]

*agrees with menagerie*.. yeah it changes.. you figure out stuff that works.. and helps.. you discard stuff that doesn't.

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

What are they angry/sad/scared/in denial/etc about? Knowing that is a step to working things out, at least.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Show them that you respect them, their opinions and their desires. Sit them down and have a meeting. Everybody gets a turn. They say what they want, then you all reach consensus how to get them what they want. Also, they get to take turns chairing the meetings. Many things they want may actually be reasonable, (even ice cream at 4 a.m.) you need to be flexible enough to accommodate it without it getting in the way of things like school & work. Good luck.

[catskillmarina.livejournal.com]

My cousin gently chided me for stopping having meetings. Things have been much
more chaotic since we stopped.

[our-menagerie.livejournal.com]

hmmm we dont have meetings anymore. Didnt seem necessary because nothing "bad" was going on. Maybe we should make a point to do that at least every once in a while again.

[catskillmarina.livejournal.com]

nothing bad happening here - that is if you don't count getting so switchy
that one person often does not finish a sentence as bad ;-)

Thing is - being that switchy tires us out something fierce.

-- Constance then Veronica

[jaga-system-.livejournal.com]

Thing is - being that switchy tires us out something fierce.

Hmmm... this is somewhat true for us too. It can become a fierce cycle because as we become increasingly exhausted, we are also prone to switching much more frequently and rapidly. ("rolo-dexing," "revolving door")

Julies

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

"Ice cream at 4 a.m."? Gracious, I wonder whoever could want such a thing? :D

[eightvoices.livejournal.com]

I like the idea of allowing everyone something that meets their needs. Today, we had an odd sort of lunch that pleased all, we danced crazily, lounged in pj's all day, read, and organised the bathroom. All are content now...what bliss.

BTW, you mean not everyone eats ice cream at 4am? I thought that was universal!!

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

well see that's what I thought too ;) Ice cream at 4 a.m. is quite reasonable.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

French Vanilla please ;)

IME:

[spookshow-girl.livejournal.com]

It can. Bear in mind that a lot of people may feel a pressing desire to be heard, and it might not exactly lend them to sharing right now. Just like someone who needs to get something of their chest may not be willing to wait until others outside the body are done talking.

Give it time, people have things they need to say. Sometimes all someone needs is the opportunity to get their emotions out into the air. Once they do that, they may be more prepared to listen to, and compromise with, each other.

I would recommend finding a place where they can get their feelings out without causing too much trouble, and let them. Of course, your mileage may vary, and since I don't know you, I can't really say how much it will improve things, if at all.

--Me

[kasiawhisper.livejournal.com]

*warm hugs*

[eightvoices.livejournal.com]

aww...thanks for the hugs!

[kasiawhisper.livejournal.com]

anytime.. feeling better today?

[posywink.livejournal.com]

We're a little late with this reply, but yes, this resonates with us. When we made our post today (June 8th), we were like, "shoot! We're (sort of) repeating what eightvoices just asked. We stole their word." But we have a tentative plan for making things easier. We're figuring out who's best at doing what, and then we're playing to each other's strengths. For example, some of us don't drive well, so we won't insist that they drive. We're not sticking ourselves with permanent assignments; therefore, we don't feel pigeonholed. Our setup, as always, is flexible.

Yeah, we like what gryphons said. Keep the stuff that works and toss the stuff that doesn't. Good luck to you.

-- Zoe and Lander