(no subject)

[exiled-redeemer.livejournal.com]

Okay...I have a slight delema...i could use advice...anything really.

It's pretty much this, today I was thinking about my past, I was thinking how I have no memory from age 0 to 11...I've no idea what could cause that, and certainly never even considered what came to me today.

What if I'm not who I've been lead to believe? What if I'm not Hosting this body? I never thought of it like this, but it would make beyond perfect sense, I can't remember anything at all for that 11 year time period, I've always felt that my body was too small, aching as if cramped into a box. Felt like something was wrong with me being where I am...It would explain why I've always been able to adapt to any situation...what if it's all true and I'm really just a being brought in or created because the real mind of this body couldn't handle it? It's a terrifying thought, because my friends love me, knowing who I am and those who know about the others as well, but what if they find out...I'm really not...well....me? I wish I could explain it better...I just don't want to be left alone if people find out I'm just a creation, and I feel like that is the only that can make sense, when Eichii tells me that he and Joselyn haver been here longer than me...

I've been aware of my others for the last three years, learning something new just about everyday, If it is this way and there really is no 'real' mind anymore, than I'm afraid of being erased completely. Being pulled into that darkness within our innerworld where The Council brings everything I'm afraid of and use it against me.

My question is, has anyone ever been lead to believe they were the first, only to find out they were recruited to be front runner? Whether they be brought in or made so the dominant mind didn't have to deal with it anymore? I'm just so confused......
Signed,
-Kira


-Sistema di Raziel

Comments

[pengke.livejournal.com]

So because you're female like the body that means it's more yours? Why? Gender has nothing to do with who came first. For that matter, how do you know that you started out female? Maybe you only view yourself as female because you've spent a lot of time using a female body?

[cirquels.livejournal.com]

honestly jules doesnt like my body. thats why i know more so. when hes around, we shift more and scratch where we dont have anything. its all very complicated, but we both have it undercontroll. im the one that can say 'go away' or 'stop doing that' and becuase it is my body, he respects that (most of the time heh).

i guess its just one of those things you know. when you question yourself, thats when youre not sure.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

I've lost count of the number of times I've seen people with that exact attitude, including singlet friends -- but also some other plurals -- who assume that not only does there have to be a "main one" or a "first one", that person has to match the body's gender.