We're here too...

[leathersammie.livejournal.com]

I guess I will make this post, then go back into lurk mode. I'm a 46 year old mother of two, I have Multiple Sclerosis, and was diagnosed with DID before they called it that, and before that period of time where folks thought it was cool. I have spent my life struggling to remain in control, and covering up for those times when I wasn't able to.

My most embarassing moment because of alters? Going to work, running late, and dashing through the door only to have my manager look me up and down and ask the question "Who dressed you?" Upon hearing the question, I glanced down at my clothing for the first time that morning, and realized I looked like a 5 year-old hippie child had emptied the goodwill bin onto me. I glanced back at her, and with the most innocent of looks said "What? You don't like my outfit?" then hustled off to the dispatch office where no more people would see me.

Nice to meet y'all, now I think I'll just slip back into lurk mode for a bit.

Sammie

Comments

[36.livejournal.com]

"before that period of time where folks thought it was cool"

When was that?

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Hi Sammie!

I think there are alot of lurkers on this. One thing I like about this community is everybody gets to see a view other than their own.

By "cool" I bet you meant people who live multiple and are alright with it and feel it isn't a problem? I think all of us need to know and remember that it -is- a problem for a lot of people, and messes up things in their lives. And neither way is it less or more valid.

Elaq

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, but how many of these problems are the result of the current frontrunner refusing to let anyone else have a life? It's hard to work together to maintain a consistent public persona when people refuse to admit that there needs to be group work.

[leathersammie.livejournal.com]

When was that? Well, as I am sure everyone is aware, every time some writer has another book about what is popularly called "multiple personality disorder" there seems to suddenly be a rash of persons who either think they have it, or think it might be a good way to get away with things and avoid taking the blame. I have seennit time and time again. Criminal activities blamed on "alters" and it runs the gambit from infidelity to speeding tickets.

Unfortunately, it is those opportunistic creeps that make life even harder on those of us who really have to deal with this on a daily basis. Those of us who have had our lives disrupted, lost jobs, relationships and in some instances, had our lives enriched by alters.

I had an ex who had had an experience of a woman who thought it would be cute to fake multiple personalities. Because of this, I was of course under suspicion as well. It's a sad fact, but true.

Anyhow, that was what I meant by that :)
~Sammie

[leathersammie.livejournal.com]

I explained that comment to someone else's reply, and I hope it clarifies it for you as well.

I am fine with persons living multiple, if they have co-consciousness and cooperation between everyone involved. In fact, I envy those persons with some communication, and wish I knew how to open those doors for myself. Hopefully, being in this community will get me pointed in the right direction.

I have never believed that so-called "integration" was the only solution, nor the best one. Of course, my opinion of the mental health service providers is, in general, one of dismay and disappointment at the very cavalier attitude many psychiatrists view people like us.

~Sammie

[leathersammie.livejournal.com]

Exactly the problem *I* have. Since I have no co-consciousness, there can be no cooperation or group work, although I realize it is really necessary and important. I used to lose weeks at a time. I would find myself in strange towns, having lunch with people I didn't know, and no idea how I got there or when. It was quite disruptive. I (me personally) missed the entire fifth grade. Sometimes I have to just wonder...
I am not interested in getting rid of the others, nor do I mind sharing, but I just simply don't know how. As far as I'm concerned, the more the merrier, but sooner or later, someone has to let ME know what's coming, so I can prepare for it. Only seems fair.

[pengke.livejournal.com]

You don't have to be co-concious to set up a working system. Sure things are easier if you can communicate with each other directly but there are other ways of setting up communication. It's communication not co-conciousness that you need. Leave messages for each other with outside people. Write notes to each other. If you can get everyone on the same page then you can do things like keep lists of the day's responsibilities so that who ever is out can tend to things.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Ohh, *that* people who think it's cool. Okay.

We've met at least two people like that and they were really exploitive and manipulating. Ergh.

Communication

[leathersammie.livejournal.com]

I used to have a journal that I left notes in, and sometimes I actually got notes back. Some were pretty painful. I didn't want to see and feel that pain, but I knew it had importance to me. I'm not sure what happened to it, it disappeared during my move and I haven't seen it since.

[prettyrazor.livejournal.com]

Hi Sammie,
First of all, welcome to the community. :)
In response to what you said, integration definitely didn't work well for us. We ended up bringing almost everyone back! Our current shrink understands now that we work well as a multiple system, and integration would most likely make things worse.

-Nicholeen, for the People

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

We also remember the days when MPD was 'cool' and an excuse for everything. Unfortunately, we've seen more than our share of that attitude as well. It's the reason why Azusa of our system wrote this essay (http://www.kitsune.cx/~amorpha/excuses.html); you might like it, since it talks about basically the same thing-- people trying to pin crimes and irresponsible behavior on their 'bad personalities,' and the skepticism with which that has caused plurals in general to be viewed, as a bunch of fakers trying to evade responsibility. :\

And since most of us in here are very active in trying to help each other out and create a smooth image of a single person for the public, that really grinds on us-- we're doing all this work behind the scenes that no one sees, and someone comes skipping along going "Oh, my evil mass murderer personality did it!" and we feel we might as well not have tried at all, since we don't seem to get much recognition when we -are- responsible. :\

Yeah, this is kind of a soapbox issue for us. *grin* I think part of what's needed is just plain more multiples speaking up-- saying, "Hey, we're plural, and we live as normal a life as anyone, and we don't commit crimes and then go blame it on our bad personalities. We just happen to be sharing a body, that's all."


Anthea, for amorpha

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

"I explained that comment to someone else's reply, and I hope it clarifies it for you as well."
Yes, we saw that and we do understand.

We've known two multiple groups -- the Anachronic Army and the Consortium -- that don't have co-consciousness and operate through lists and notes and other methods, and they do fine that way. So it's even possible to do without communication if everyone cooperates to use the lists and notes (or whatever) system for frontrunning. Some kind of operating system. Cooperation is everything.

[myorp.livejournal.com]

Hello, nice to meet you. Its good for me to hear of people who are older and more experienced in dealing with things such as this.

I hope you all work out some ways to communicate as I can immagine that having no interaction with your alters must be extraordinarily frustrating and confusing at times.

Good luck!

[leathersammie.livejournal.com]

Yes, I have seen it more than once (I watch Court TV when they have actual trials happening) and from a very early age, I remember getting in trouble for things *I* didn't do. I remember being told I said things that I know *I* would never say. Nevertheless, *I* was the one they could see (the public at-large being the "they) so I felt a responsibility to take the flack for those who could not be seen. It seemed that once all the alters realized that *I* was taking the blame for and the responsibility for everything that was done within the body, things seemed to seetle down a bit.

Before that, things got out of control on a regular basis. I wish I could open whatever part of me is shutting off the communication, so perhaps we could get somewhere.

Frustrating and confusing at times...

[leathersammie.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes. Frustrating and confusing at best. I finally learned to stop hollering "HUH? WHAT? I DID NOT!!!" when someone told me of some thing I had said or done, or some place I had been and they saw me there.

Now I pretty much rely on answering odd questions with odd questions of my own.

For instance:
Question: Was that you I saw in the leather bar in San Francisco last night?

My answer: Did it look like me? How was I dressed? I didn't know you went to leather bars in San Francisco. When did you get involved in the leather community?

That usually turns the focus off of me and back to them. Thank goodness.

Re: Frustrating and confusing at times...

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately it is not unheard of for people to take advantage of plural systems with bad communication, by claiming other people in the system did or said things they really didn't. If the person they're talking to can't communicate well enough with the others to verify it, they can claim "well SOMEONE in there did it" and accuse the system of all sorts of things-- sort of the inverse of 'my evil personality did it.'

Re: Communication

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Could you start another one? How about a message board?

Re: Communication

[leathersammie.livejournal.com]

ooh. You know, that hadn't occurred to me, but I actually already have a tagboard that i'm not using and another journal that is sitting there doing nothing...I wonder if I would have any luck? Hmm... I think I'll give it a shot! Thanks for the idea, I'll keep you posted whether I get any nibbles!

~Sammie

Re: Communication

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Y'welcome! Luck to you!