Confusion

[joyless-abyss.livejournal.com]

I am unsure if I am Median or Multiple or not, but being the way I am makes me feels like this sometimes:- Like I am faking it. Like I am a singlet who sub-conciously longs to be multiple and has not only lied to others about this state, but to himself as well. Like I've tricked myself into believing I have many selves. Yet they all seem very real to me - but is that just because I have deluded myself well.

I ask myself these questions often. And I feel angry at myself. And confused. Angry that I could fake this, that I could be so disrespectful (IF I am faking) and confused because it all feels very real to me.

Sometimes months go by without one of my 'others' making an appearance to me, sometimes they just come to say something to me, and other times they are around more than I am.

Occaisionally I even conciously mould a new 'other' from the feel of a person I sense inside myself. Manipulating slightly their looks to suit myself. And quite often when a new 'other' surfaces, we have to actually discuss with this new person what they would like their name to be.

I also know that there are several others which we have been unable to communicate with.

I do experience walk-ins on rare occaisions.

I'm very confused here, and I don't know if we are Multiple, Median or just a deranged Singlet.

I apologise if I have used any terms which are not suitable. We're not quite sure which terms are meant to be used.

We appreciate any feedback if you choose to reply, and I'm sorry if this message is just a waste of your time.

-Andy and Amanda Shortland.