Intro

[fayanora.livejournal.com]

I'm not really good with intros, but I'll try.

I am a great many things. Pagan, transgendered (but not transsexual), Otherkin, strange age identity issues, and now, apparently, multiplicitous.

Actually, I've known I was multiplicitous for years now. But I think I may be unique here in that I'm fairly sure I was one being until about 1999. That was my year from hell, in which (among other things) I tried to rid myself of something I didn't like about myself through denial, and ended up fracturing myself. But unlike MPD or DID, I don't have blackouts. My personalities all seem to share both mind and body (including memories) equally, almost like a nation of telepaths. I think that we share so much because the attempted removal of said aspect of self was a complete failure... we created an agressive personality from that experience, but it was an incomplete personality (I would call it a frankie, which is a term from "Kiln People" by David Brin... a frankenstein copy of one's self, a chimera of sorts). Luckily, through acceptance and love, we re-integrated it into the whole... but continued to be "fractured."

Up until a few days ago, I tried convincing myself that they were like imaginary friends in my head. And they are, in a way... in that, I can create new ones when I want to. But the old ones tend to stick around unless they decide to "die." One in particular, my Goddess of many names (sometimes Shao'Kehn, other times Djao'Kain or Shoikin or Zyao'HKehn, etc), seems to have nested permanently in my head, and is always there for advice giving and reminders and to answer questions.

But there are others:

1. Alexander (or Tristan, which is my given name), my masculine side. (I am a male, but I feel much more female.)
2. Fayanora (Fay), my feminine side.
3. Molly Elizabeth - my inner child, a blond haired little girl who says she's seven and affects a younger voice than that. (Replacing many l's and r's with w's.)
4. Various others who talk or argue (usually amicably) amongst themselves, but have not given themselves names. (Who, by the way, have made me take ten minutes to figure out if there's anything I left out of this list, constantly editing and re-editing it before... okay, we get the picture!)

Yet, because we share so much, we tend to not care what names we're addressed by. This is probably because most of us blend together so much that it's often hard to tell which one is speaking at any given time, and often we speak collectively. The only exception being that Molly Elizabeth jealously guards her name... and has her own way of speaking. :-)

Does anyone have anything similar?

Bright Blessings;
---Tristan Alexander Arts/Fayanora

Comments

Internal-Dichotomy-Generated Plurality

[effrenata.livejournal.com]

This is interesting. I fit the same pattern as both of you -- a deliberate and conscious "split" created to contain, express or signify a dichotomy within the original person. I don't regard myself as "shattered" or "fractured", though. I think of it more as "branching", growing in multiple directions.

It started, in my early teens, as a deliberate forking or branching of this consciousness. The first two proto-personalities, so to speak, evolved into Anomia and Marlana, representing Chaos and Order respectively. The Marlana side of me went undercover for most of my adult lifetime, and has only recently resurfaced.

I find it interesting that the so-called "Jekyll and Hyde" pattern of plurality created by an inner conflict within a single person does exist, and perhaps is less uncommon than was once thought. This adds a new model to the types of plural origins -- natural, external trauma-induced, soulbonded, walk-in, and internal-division induced. In my case, it was very strongly voluntary. The inner conflict can occur among various lines: good/evil, male/female, order/rebellion, etc. In all four cases I've seen so far -- you two, me, and one other -- the first "split" is into two polarized personalities, and further branching occurs afterwards.

We also tend to blend a lot, too. We think of ourselves as primarily sharing a consciousness and identity rather than a body.

Re: Internal-Dichotomy-Generated Plurality

[(Anonymous)]

This is really cool to know that there are others who have experienced this sort of spiritual multiplicity. I really would love to talk to you more as well... I am currently trying to find others who have undergone the same sorts of spiritual tranformational branching as you call it... I like your terminology. Please feel free to friend me... I would be very interested in comparing some notes.

Re: Internal-Dichotomy-Generated Plurality

[fayanora.livejournal.com]

I am a Neo-Mythos (new mythology) Neo-Pagan, and two of my Deities are Ahndahn and Shao'Kehn, Order and Chaos respectively. Shao'Kehn (who has many other names as well) might be interesting to this community, as She has long had the title of The Goddess With Multiple Personality Disorder. Though I might change that title to remove the word "disorder."

Anyway, I think I'll make a new post about it.