1) While he's in that living situation (and by the way, I am not sure I understand how a wife can prevent a husband from seeking help, so red flag there) he probably won't feel safe and secure anywhere. But you can listen to him.
2) In a word: don't. Picture this. Every time you walk into a room the people there look at you (or past you) and say "oh - where's Joe? Can I talk to Joe?" It's demeaning and nasty. It would likely make you want to leave. That's their body too and their life too. They have equal rights to your friend. Until you understand that it will be hard to support them as a unit, and it's as a unit (more or less) that they will move towards health, or not.
If there's a specific reason you need to talk to your friend, you could say politely "I know it's a pain but I need to talk to my friend because I need to know if he's meeting me Thursday" or whatever.
3) Just stick it out. But remember. All those other people in his system are people too. So if you are committing to being with him, you are committing to having some kind of relationship - friendly, wary, whatever - with everyone else. This means trying to forge a detente or peace with the people who, for whatever reason, are acting out at you. It may be that your trying to get your friend back to the front is contributing to their desire to treat you badly.
If you can't commit to relating with basic respect and consideration with everyone and anyone in his system, leave now. Honestly. It doesn't mean you have to like everyone or put up with nasty stuff, but you need to know that you are not befriending a single person. You are befriending a person who is surrounded at all times by other people who are forced to share /their/ body and /their/ life with /him/.
4) In my opinion he should not concentrate on strength, but on listening. It seems to me from the very little information here that the people you are labelling as dark and violent actually may have the best grasp on the situation. If my arm were broken and my husband were keeping me from getting it set, I would become violent towards him.
If your friend is not seeking therapy and is in emotional pain, and instead trying to fix his relationship, that's likely a Big Fat Reason that the other people in his system are trying to a) hurt him (get him out of the way) and b) hurt the wife that's standing in the way. From their perspective his loyalty is to her and not to them. Now they may be messed up and violent anyway, but really, if their violence is directed at someone who (it sounds like) does not have his best interests at heart, they are by default on their side.
A truly violent and dark alter would support the wife.
And as a final note, if someone tried to integrate ME I would become much deeper and darker... wouldn't you, if someone were trying to wipe you out of existence?
I would encourage him to talk to people who are multiple, too.
Good luck; I've been pretty blunt but I think your desire to help is genuine and your connection and caring can be a real positive to your friend.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2005-09-16 01:40 pm (UTC)2) In a word: don't. Picture this. Every time you walk into a room the people there look at you (or past you) and say "oh - where's Joe? Can I talk to Joe?" It's demeaning and nasty. It would likely make you want to leave. That's their body too and their life too. They have equal rights to your friend. Until you understand that it will be hard to support them as a unit, and it's as a unit (more or less) that they will move towards health, or not.
If there's a specific reason you need to talk to your friend, you could say politely "I know it's a pain but I need to talk to my friend because I need to know if he's meeting me Thursday" or whatever.
3) Just stick it out. But remember. All those other people in his system are people too. So if you are committing to being with him, you are committing to having some kind of relationship - friendly, wary, whatever - with everyone else. This means trying to forge a detente or peace with the people who, for whatever reason, are acting out at you. It may be that your trying to get your friend back to the front is contributing to their desire to treat you badly.
If you can't commit to relating with basic respect and consideration with everyone and anyone in his system, leave now. Honestly. It doesn't mean you have to like everyone or put up with nasty stuff, but you need to know that you are not befriending a single person. You are befriending a person who is surrounded at all times by other people who are forced to share /their/ body and /their/ life with /him/.
4) In my opinion he should not concentrate on strength, but on listening. It seems to me from the very little information here that the people you are labelling as dark and violent actually may have the best grasp on the situation. If my arm were broken and my husband were keeping me from getting it set, I would become violent towards him.
If your friend is not seeking therapy and is in emotional pain, and instead trying to fix his relationship, that's likely a Big Fat Reason that the other people in his system are trying to a) hurt him (get him out of the way) and b) hurt the wife that's standing in the way. From their perspective his loyalty is to her and not to them. Now they may be messed up and violent anyway, but really, if their violence is directed at someone who (it sounds like) does not have his best interests at heart, they are by default on their side.
A truly violent and dark alter would support the wife.
And as a final note, if someone tried to integrate ME I would become much deeper and darker... wouldn't you, if someone were trying to wipe you out of existence?
I would encourage him to talk to people who are multiple, too.
Good luck; I've been pretty blunt but I think your desire to help is genuine and your connection and caring can be a real positive to your friend.
Shandra