I'm a singlet, but I see part of your problem as a problem anyone can have, and I think I can relate, too, and hopefully give some good advice.
I also see myself having that 'control' problem-- feeling like if you give up control, who knows what the hell could happen? Since I'm a singlet I only see this behavior in myself when I'm put into groups. My high school teachers actually seem quite fond of "group activities", though. :D
I'm (objectively- ha ha) an 'overachiever', as it were. I usually get better grades than my classmates, for example, so when I'm put in a group I feel, in a way, 'responsible' for not only everyone else's grade, but especially my own. I fear failure if I let these people, whom I have no concrete reason to trust, take control over my grade-- even if it is for just one assignment. I used to hate myself for constantly completing group activities individually-- but I couldn't stop myself, I felt that no matter who else was in the group, if I didn't do it, it wouldn't get done in an acceptable manner.
Well, one day I realized this and I kicked myself in the ass for it. I forced myself to give up some control in those situations-- which was really hard. I did (and do) end up picking up slack sometimes, but I found that when I did give up responsibility, the work DID get done, and it got done more successfully than I ever would have expected it to. Of course, all this happened to the horror of my classmates, who had gotten used to 'group activity' time meaning 'ass-sitting' time. :D
anyway-- and I only saw a few real direct words of advice in response to your entry, so I'm just trying to reinforce what they said and what worked for me-- try giving up control. Yes, at first you will be plagued with doubt, but it most always turns out acceptable, if not surprisingly well.. but I think it's important for you to put yourself through it, as a first step. It is, after all, the root of the problem, isn't it? If you don't try it, what else will you be able to do, but remain exhausted and 'at odds' with the other members of your group?
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2005-09-07 12:23 am (UTC)I also see myself having that 'control' problem-- feeling like if you give up control, who knows what the hell could happen? Since I'm a singlet I only see this behavior in myself when I'm put into groups. My high school teachers actually seem quite fond of "group activities", though. :D
I'm (objectively- ha ha) an 'overachiever', as it were. I usually get better grades than my classmates, for example, so when I'm put in a group I feel, in a way, 'responsible' for not only everyone else's grade, but especially my own. I fear failure if I let these people, whom I have no concrete reason to trust, take control over my grade-- even if it is for just one assignment. I used to hate myself for constantly completing group activities individually-- but I couldn't stop myself, I felt that no matter who else was in the group, if I didn't do it, it wouldn't get done in an acceptable manner.
Well, one day I realized this and I kicked myself in the ass for it. I forced myself to give up some control in those situations-- which was really hard. I did (and do) end up picking up slack sometimes, but I found that when I did give up responsibility, the work DID get done, and it got done more successfully than I ever would have expected it to. Of course, all this happened to the horror of my classmates, who had gotten used to 'group activity' time meaning 'ass-sitting' time. :D
anyway-- and I only saw a few real direct words of advice in response to your entry, so I'm just trying to reinforce what they said and what worked for me-- try giving up control. Yes, at first you will be plagued with doubt, but it most always turns out acceptable, if not surprisingly well.. but I think it's important for you to put yourself through it, as a first step. It is, after all, the root of the problem, isn't it? If you don't try it, what else will you be able to do, but remain exhausted and 'at odds' with the other members of your group?
good luck with your problem. :)