I chose to call myself Mercury for a reason

[mercuryisme.livejournal.com]

Hey, everyone...

From the user info page I thought I'd announce my presence here as a psych student, but I'm not interested in you people as guinea pigs... I have a seriously unorthodox fetish for the "crazies"... schizofrenia, multiples, furries, gender dysphoria... the people who don't belong, who feel out of place in their own skin, who are too much for themselves.

I wish I could live a thousand different lives sometimes, be the virgin and the whore and the child and the adult, the man and the woman. Being bisexual definitely raised some questions in my mind about whether or not I really wanted this female body of mine.

Don't be offended when I say part of me is jealous. But I guess you'd understand about "parts"... wouldn't you?

EDIT: I don't fetishize any of you, I have a tendency to use words offhand, I don't think about any of you or your friends naked in the shower to get my rocks off, I'm young, I'm dumb, I talk a lot, I would never in a million years dare to compare any of you to furries, or try to pretend any of you are anything like me, because that would be damn insulting, etc.

There.

Comments

[bell-silver.livejournal.com]

F*ck. My post just got eaten alive. Maybe it's for the best.

Why do you fetishize schizophrenics? It's not like it's easy to be schizophrenic, especially if one has to deal with affective flattening, apathy, thought disorder, impaired self-care, etc. I could see how someone might think hallucinations or delusions were fun, but from my time in schizophrenia communities, I don't think that they would seem that way to the schizophrenic.

Gender dysphoria isn't that glamorous either. All it means is that one has the mind of one gender and the body of another. Generally speaking, one doesn't live being first a girl and then a boy, or vice versa; one lives being a boy in a female body and then a boy in a masculinized body (or vice versa), IF we're talking about those people who do transition, who are also fully transsexual.

As for multiplicity...*sigh* What I seem to be trying to say is that you're trivializing what are in reality serious disorders (sans "furries"). I realize that not everyone sees multiplicity as a disorder (like a lot of people don't see homosexuality or gender identity disorder as a "disorder"), but there are some multiples who do.

[mercuryisme.livejournal.com]

Having a fetish about something doesn't necessarily glamourize it or mean you want to be it. Fetishes are often accompanied by guilt or feelings of disgust. And I'm not jealous of schizofrenics, and never said I was. I would never say any of this was easy because I'm not doing it firsthand, and that would be making a horrible, stupid assumption. I'm horrible at times and very near to being stupid but I would NEVER say or even imply that.

I've known people with gender dysphoria and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I'm interested in the subject because of my own problems with my sexuality and gender identity and because of my friends.

I just can't even reply to this, I'm so angry. You've completely misunderstood everything I wrote. How very, very unfortunate.

[effeteifrit.livejournal.com]

Listen,

I just looked back over your above comments and your recent journal entries. I didn't realize you were only 18.

So before anyone decides to get angry with me... take into consideration that I'm new at this, so don't be harsh. I realize I've got a lot to learn.

I also didn't realize I was being harsh. What I said, it would be good not to take personally, because it wasn't meant personally. Like you don't know me? I don't know you. I've also just ended a relationship which began on the internet in which I feel I was being used (and I have my doubts about said person's boundaries, to say the least), and it's just one in a chain of events which is focussed on in this personality.

...I just realized I'm posting under my alternate handle, which I should have been using in the first place. This is Blaze who posted from bell_silver. bell_silver is supposed to be for our other voices, since I do tend to come on strongly and not to be agreed with by my others, who generally want to disassociate themselves from me (and yes, I realize I'm opening myself to attack, there), even as they depend on me for their protection.

That said, I am still wary because of the fetishization aspects of what you've been talking about. I think the more time you spend in college, the more you'll come to know that not a lot of people (in the US, at least) like being fetishized. This is especially true when it comes down to race. Many people appreciate being appreciated for who they are, not *what* they are.

If someone's going to like me, I would want them to like me based on who I am, not because I'm part of a multiple system, not because I'm in a female body, and not because the body has experienced psychosis. You got that? If not, chop off the latter two phrases: "I would want them to like me based on who I am, not because I'm part of a multiple system." Like, "I would want them to like me based on who I am, not because I'm black." Do you understand now?

[mercuryisme.livejournal.com]

I understand what you're trying to say, and I still think you misunderstand me. What does my age have to do with anything, anyway?

How about all of us just pretend I never used the word "fetish".

I'm tired of bickering over word usage and feeling the urge to just delete my post if I can. Starting to wonder if it was worth it.

Bleh.

[effeteifrit.livejournal.com]

If you think I misunderstand you, tell me how you think I misunderstand you.

Your age matters because your experience is limited. Some of the backlash I've gotten from you could be just because you don't know any other way to handle yourself, and you don't know how to handle criticism or assertiveness. I say I'm wary of you, and you call me pissy and tell me people don't want to be my friend?