Heh..

[exiled-redeemer.livejournal.com]

I really need tips on communication and also compromisation. And yeah i know, my spelling sucks. None the less, some tips on how to anchor myself so they (preferabbly Lupa) doesn't front would be greatly appreciated. Or even your experiences on keeping unwanted persons from fronting would be helpful. Thank you.

-Kira

 

-Sistema di Raziel

Comments

[judiff]

i think calling people "unwanted" might be making comcating with them harder.
A lot depends on why you don't want the others fronting - if it's just that you don't want them to be out at sepcfic times (like at school/work etc. or stopping little kids from running into the road) then maybe offering them a chance to front when it is ok/safe would help.

[exiled-redeemer.livejournal.com]

The reason why I don't want her to front is because she tends to enjoy physically hurting people. :/ Not to mension has the shortest fuse out of all of us, and when she gets angry she causes us harm by hurting the body. But I suppose, around times when no one is around it wouldn't be too bad to let her go...thankies for the response.

[spookshow-girl.livejournal.com]

Having a short fuse isn't a crime, hell none of us are accused of having a long one. That hardly quaifies someone as having no place in society. Even people who enjoy physically hurting people can do so in consensual venues, some of which don't require patent leather or other S&M steriotypes.

Have you considered that keeping her locked in back might not give her an opportunity to learn how to restrain herself in public? Have you considered instead helping her learn to manage her anger, or otherwise direct it?

--Me

[judiff]

i like used to be a bit like that (well i prolly still have the short fuse). The other people being nice to me (like when Ludy got me my bunny) worked a lot better than trying to shut me up inside.
Can you think of safe stuff she likes to do and then let her do those things when she isn't hurting other people or you?

[duathir.livejournal.com]

Many years ago, the circumstances of my House were such that for my brother to show himself would have put my Kin in extreme danger. He is the strongest of us, and at that time was almost completely wild, accustomed to ignoring our sister's attempts to control his behavior - at his first opportunity, he fled from that place, but was recaptured before even a full day had passed. In his terror and misery he made to fight, but he stood no chance, and those who held him would have been glad of the excuse to hurt him.

Therefore I struck him down. I had never before taken corporeal form in this body, had not known I could do so, and do not know how I did it, but out of desperate necessity I tore him loose from his corporeality and took his place. This caused him great pain and still more terror, hurt and frightened as he already was, and I can never make amends for that, but better that he should be hurt by one who loves him, than tortured for the pleasure of those who would laugh at his distress. I made no resistance - indeed, had not strength to even stand or speak; hardly could breathe - this surely was what spared us from worse 'consequences', since those who held us must have judged us unlikely to survive rough handling.

I did not take form again after that. I do not think I would have been able to do so if I had tried. However, my brother did not know that. A year we lived in that place, and - to my shame, but again, it was necessary for my Kin's survival - I ruled him by threat that if he would not obey me, I would do the same again.

Within two years he had learned that this was an empty threat, and again ran wild, but by then there was no longer such clear and present danger. Still he did frequently endanger himself in other ways - he feared people and machine-noise, but had no fear at all of heights, water, weather, darkness, hunger or animals - not to mention causing chaos to our sister's responsibilities. Therefore must a way be found to keep him within reasonable bounds - without force or threat of force, since such would no longer work.

What works with him is love. His nature is a cheerful and affectionate one; he very much wishes to please those he loves, and is unhappy to cause displeasure. I do not think he comprehends the reasons for most of the rules that bound his life; only that we will be displeased if he breaks them. He is extremely stubborn (a trait we share) and once set on a course of rebellion, is very difficult to dissuade - however, when he rebels, it is always for a reason.

Therefore our strategy is to allow him as much freedom as he wants in all ways that do not endanger us, and to find ways to minimize the hazards of those dangerous things he most wishes to do. For example, if he wants to spend several days wandering alone in Olympic National Forest, this can be arranged - it is not acceptable for him to suddenly decide to go, and set out to walk there without provisions or gear or anyone knowing he has gone. There is no way either my sister or I can 'stop him from fronting' whenever he wants, but we can set up conditions such that he will want to 'front' at times and places where it will not be a problem.

I am here reminded to mention the fact that it has been 33 years since that night I struck my brother down, and that we have only achieved a reliably workable arrangement in the past five or so. Perhaps we would have done so sooner if I had not begun with the use of force. Therefore I recommend patience, tolerance of differences, and recognition of the fact that the needs and rights of your Kin are to be valued as much as your own. May success be yours.

"It is your task to love what you don't understand."
~Rainier Maria Rilke

[exiled-redeemer.livejournal.com]

WoW! That's pretty incredible. All I can say after reading that is you give me hope. :) Thankies! And I could use some work on my patience, and should probably work on being a little less selfish...infact there's a ton I have to work on. >< I thank you oodles. *bows*
~Kira

Sistema di Raziel

[changelyng14.livejournal.com]

I really need tips on communication and also compromisation. And yeah i know, my spelling sucks. None the less, some tips on how to anchor myself so they (preferabbly Lupa) doesn't front would be greatly appreciated. Or even your experiences on keeping unwanted persons from fronting would be helpful. Thank you.

-Kira

I could describe how we do/have done those things, but those are broad topics that i think can be very subjective to the physics of a system. but those are some hard core tools you are after :p
I've witnessed some very effective negotiating tactics fly by in this head i wear. the fact that we've yet to learn how to block our time and thoguhts makes it easier to build trust here. we 'flash' all our motives, upfront, and ulterior. we have a number of truces, one is to never seek out nor develop the ability to 'hide' memories from each other.

one thing that is very unifying for us, is to strongly envision what life would be if we dont get 'functional' and turn into a proper 'crazy'. (no offense to the proper crazies out there) but where we live, its easy to find lucid homeless paranoid screaming people, and we let ourselves reflect how easily we could become that person.

I have had to negotiate with deeper members who have the 'internal strength' to take us out in groups. I've watched people get 'disassembled' before. there are dark places in this head, people I can't communicate with, whom i can't access, and i don't know what they want, if they want any thing at all. there's a whole nother tribe in here, and we take our treaty with them very seriously.

internal takedowns are hardcore. we only do it in a crisis, or after failed negotiations. and theres the chance you'll lose, but for best results, systemwide agreement and help in doing it is the best gameplan.

I have to go, im going to get an im installed i think :P

luk n luv
-Tia

[exiled-redeemer.livejournal.com]

Awesome. For somereason truces didn't cross our mind. Huh. Anyways, if you don't mind, if you get any form of IM would you mind if I refferred back to you if I have anymore questions? Thanks again for the advice!
-Kira


-Sistema di Raziel

[changelyng14.livejournal.com]

ok, im im'ed up on yahoo.
changelyng14(@yahoo.com?)

[sharpsight.livejournal.com]

Interesting. *obeys a similar agreement, left over from when first a truce was agreed on, but actively attempts to seek out/develop the ability to conceal such thoughts or memories--without, so far, any apparent success*