In response to an LJ post-war...

[niteofsyn.livejournal.com]

---EDIT---
I have gone and made these two posts friends-only once again. It's not that I don't want you guys to read them, it's just that I don't feel comfortable, knowing my family could stumble upon it once again, especially with those two posts unlocked... If you want to read them, comment the first post for niteofsyn. Sorry for the hassle.
---EDIT---

A few days ago, in response to a post in my LJ, a post-war broke out. Things were said (if you click the link, you'll be able to read it). Then I wrote a response to the whole thing.

saturniakitty thought it would be a good idea to link to it in here. I didn't think it was such a bad idea.

Just a small warning before the links: This DOES have some negative things about being multiple, as well as other things. It is mildly depressing until my response, and It's LONG. Okay, it's not a novel, but it's a lot longer than a normal LJ post. *shrug* Just thought I might inform you.

I'm not going to put the link up for the 1st post because it's in the first line of the 2nd post. =P
Link: http://www.livejournal.com/users/niteofsyn/25429.html

-C.J.


Hmm...random question: If I have Multiplicity on my friends list, does that mena everyone from Multiplicity can read my journal? Or do I have to post the entries as public for you all to see them? *shrug*

Comments

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

There are all sorts of rumors about what is and is not possible concerning personal livejournals, communities, and friendslocking.

If you join a community, everyone on that community cannot automatically read friendlocked posts in your own livejournal. Click here for more details:
http://www.livejournal.com/support/faqbrowse.bml?faqid=81

If you friendlock a post you make to a community, it does not restrict the entry to people on your personal friendslist; it restricts the entry to community members who have the community on their friendslist.

And of course, if you do not friendslock your posts to this community or your posts to your own livejournal, anyone on the internet can see them. I advise anyone who is worried about security on this community to lock their posts so that they are viewable only by community members.

Read this for more information on how locking works:
http://www.livejournal.com/support/faqbrowse.bml?faqid=24

[rhydan.livejournal.com]

I read through the comments on the post war and such, specifically what your friend Roxy was saying - it sounds like she does care about you but is definately misinformed about multiplicity. I would try to stress the fact that all of your other problems - the SI, being suicidal, paranoia, depression, anxiety, etc - is not *because* of being a part of a multiple group. Yes, she's right - being suicidal and so depressed that you (or anyone else in your group) is engaging in self-destructive behavior *is* a problem, but it isn't related to the fact that you are part of a group. There are plenty of singletons who engage in self destructive behavior, just like there are plenty of people who are part of multiple groups who don't engage in self destructive behavior.

I understand that you and the others in your group are still trying to get used to sharing one body and may not be completely healthy or functional, but the fact that you are a group isn't the root of your problem - you all will just have to learn to cooperate and function together, just like sometimes the members of a "phsyical" family have their differences that need to be worked out. It sounds like most of your individual and group problems are centered around your depression.

I wouldn't give up on your friend Roxy just yet - like she said in her one commment, she is doing what she thinks is the best for you because she cares. I think she means well in the way that she thinks is right, even if her reaction was hurtful to you. Maybe if she's willing to be open-minded, you could invite her to view the community or some of the functional-multiplicity websites so she can see some "non-textbook" examples of healthy groups out there? Hopefully she will continue to be supportive of you through all of your issues, and will have a better opinion of what multiplicity is really about.

~Rhydan
(of shadowechoes who is too lazy to log into the system journal at the moment)

oh, and as for your random question -
Posts you make in your journal won't show up on the friends lists of community members. People can always view public posts of other members in the community by clicking the friends list link from the community. Any friends-only entries you post will only be able to be seen by people on your own friends list no matter what.

[niteofsyn.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I understand it now.

-C.J.

[niteofsyn.livejournal.com]

I know she cares...but she didn't have to go and insult the other people who were also there trying to do the same.

My others and I aren't exactly trying to get used to being in one body. It's been like this for a long while (I posted in here a few days ago about it all). We are trying to get the whole communication thing down. If you read my other two posts, it'll make more sense.

I've only noticed I've had depression since around Freshman Year of High School (about 6 years). But according to Syn, she and Nighthawk have been around since I was born. They've only been able to talk to me since 1992 (Again, explained in other posts.)

I never said I was giving on on Roxy. I know she cares, but she just won't accept opinions that aren't really hers. She likes being right, as most females are, and I can understand that. But she didn't have to go and do what she did. :(

Thanks for the advice.

-C.J.

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

One thing that people often don't realise is the number of problems that can be caused by being in denial of one's own multiplicity, or can be solved by the group learning to support each other and work together.

I know that a lot of what looked like 'neurotic' behaviour, to other people, when we were younger, was a result of constraints placed on ourselves by a frontrunner to prevent other people from "getting out," and from trying to shut them out.

Frankly, we do much better when we're operating as a team, and I think any general standard used to measure 'mental health' (overall happiness, satisfaction with self, number of goals achieved, etc.) we're a lot better off than we were five years ago trying to live as a singlet-- and no matter how many websites you can find which are 'endorsed by medical professionals' and call us a disorder, it won't change that fact. As someone in the thread pointed out, women wanting to have careers were once considered insane.

I have wondered from time to time if a lot of alleged 'concerned friend' behaviour, of the "But this is a DISORDER!" variety, stems from simply having difficulty dealing with the concept that the person they consider their friend won't always be around reliably.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

The following is my personal opinion and should not be construed as any sort of advice. After reading the entry in question, I think that if someone treated me this way -- purporting to be your friend and yet not accepting you as you are -- I would say that she is not really a friend.

She is entitled to her opinions and her point of view, but she is less than respectful towards yours. Even if you were completely mistaken about being multiple, her attitude leaves a great deal to be desired. That she resorts to namecalling shows that she doesn't know how to have a reasoned argument or debate.

I don't give a damn what she thinks of the community or about the concept that personal experience doesn't count when it comes to whether or not one has a mental disorder. I've worked with mental health pros who knew their stuff back before all this biodeterminism shit -- they would have been the first ones to tell you that personal experience counts a very great deal.

Note that the one psych student who answered you spoke favourably about the ideas of your getting support from laypeople and also about the idea that multiplicity is not necessarily a disorder.

No one on this community can formally diagnose you (not even the mental health pros who lurk here), or tell you whether you are multiple or not -- that is a decision you have to make for yourself.

Also, I'll let you (and everyone reading this) in on a little something. A mental health diagnosis is still only guesswork. All a pro can really say is that your symptoms as presented to him match the diagnostic criteria for Glaubner's syndrome, or whatever. It is not quite like a physical diagnosis. The primary purpose of "diagnoses" in mental health is to obtain that all-important DSM code number so that your insurance company will pay for your sessions. It can take weeks or months of sessions to find out what is really wrong. Most of the time they just make an educated guess, especially at first.

If you feel you genuinely need help, you should by all means try to get it, but know that you can and should shop around; if you're not satisfied with a particular therapist, get a different one. There are many different disciplines. I don't object to the idea of people going into therapy, I object to the therapy culture that makes people dependent on the mental health system to define normality, pathologizes normal human experience, and shoves medication at people whether they need it or not.

Treasure the people who stand by you. Strength to you.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. We've seen these rumors going around again in several places. I may make an administrative post out of my above comment.

[shandra.livejournal.com]

Word. It was the same for us - many more problems before coming to an acceptance of each other.

Mind you there was a fairly spectacularly not-very-cohesive period during the transition from "don't want to know/notice this" and "can live with this on a permanent basis."

[shatterstorm.livejournal.com]

Dang. I wonder if she's one of our relatives... :P

Drive away all other support than me! Put down people like you so that you know how I think of you - without me having to tell you directly. Viewing a contradictory opinion as an attack. And the "choose me or them" thing...

We started realizing a lot about our birth family when we learned about the concept of emotional abuse. I'm not saying she (or our birth family) are bad people. They aren't. But they have some harmful behaviors. You deserve to be treated better. It took us years to fully accept that we shouldn't put up with that kind of treatment - may you learn faster. :)

[changelyng14.livejournal.com]

Hey mate. I just skimmed alot of your cross-linking.

Sorry to find satisfaction at your problems, but its nice to see that someone besides me has problems like that. highres is/was your gf?

whoever she is, she doesn't seem to be taking your news well.
its nice to see Syn defending ya'lls community though, it suggests she has an interest in ya'lls well-being.

Ive got a number of friends that are going wayside because I don't care for their reaction to my business (splittiness)
Ive also got a number for whom it goes well. every person I choose to open up about it, i acknowledge that I am taking a risk. a good friend of mine we opened up to early came by with her husband and brother and had a 'confrontation' kinda chat. touting words like 'dementia', and 'psychosis' among others, demanded i/we get help and even offered to pay for it. her mom is a 2-way split and she's very researched and opinionated on the subject. its been very recent that my people have been able to get away with references to the subject.

I've got a number of friendships like this, including my recent ex-gf who self-integrated their 20-something population down to (mostly) one and has become very intolerant of multiplese (language of being multiple, as opposed to singlese).

I hope you find wisdom and luck in managing this stuff in your world. I/we havent really got it entirely figured out yet.

my suggestion is that if you want tolerance/acceptance/whatever from people, know that they are watching you/your system. if your crew is crazy, toting knives, afraid of each other and in chaos, its harder to dismiss their recommendations for medications, intensive therapies and such.
resolve whatever internal conflict your crew has and stand together, since you all share the same fate whatever you do.

if you're responsible, taking care of life, etc. its alot easier for ppl to accept you and your nature.

honestly, of the systems i know irl, the ones that do best in life keep their business to themselves. among my irl 'functional' system-friends, it is i/us that are the freaks because we make it common knowledge.

this isn't something I've done, nor something Ive read about, but something I'm doing and I hope to someday have it figured out. Since my system came unglued, and 'individuals' have started popping up out of the cracks, some who lack understandings of things like, 'pain', or 'furniture', or 'english' and such and some of which have demonstrated their ability to 'dissassemble' me and others (for lack of a better fitting word). I've had quite a time trying to help build the treaty and arrangement my system operates on.

one thing that has helped before, has been to go find one of those 'crazy people' that rant and stare into space, or cuss at traffic or whatever. and let my people watch that and think about how i/we could have that life very easy if we don't handle responsibility, and internally coexist cooperatively and peacefully.

anyways, i hope i've said anything useful. I tend to get longwinded. sorry if I've bored

Synch. Changelyng Tribe's Executation and Security.(means I handle all fucked-up shit) :p