(no subject)

[pengke.livejournal.com]

Why are people so eager to tell other people that they (the other people) are multiple?

Lots of people experience things that are associated with multiplicity. Dissociative trances like the whole driving in a car example are very common. Tons of people hear voices, either internally or as auditory hallucinations. People have characters, muses, and imaginary friends living in their head. People have internal personifications of their thought processes. Adults get caught up having fun doing goofy things and end up feeling like a little kid again. People have sides of themselves where the same person experiences conflicting emotions or opinions simultaneously. Some people write in wildly different handwriting styles. All of these things are perfectly normal. None of them mean that the person is multiple.

So why is it that whenever someone posts to this community and mentions one of those things everyone jumps to tell them that they’re multiple or some other form of plural?

Someone posts saying they have imaginary friends and they’re told that they might be median. Someone else posts saying that they’ve figured out that they’re not multiple and everyone tells them that they really are. People post mentioning any of the above experiences and suddenly it’s this big invalidating taboo to point out that the experience in and of itself does not mean that you’re multiple.

It’s ridiculous. There is no reason to tell every Tom, Dick, and Harry that they’re multiple. Not everyone is multiple. That’s not being elitist or excluding anyone. It’s just a fact. Suggesting that someone consider all of the possible explanations is a good thing. Telling someone who isn’t multiple that they are is not a good thing. There’s no reason to shower confirmation on everyone who comes looking for validation. The community’s open to everyone. They don’t need the shiny sticker of multiplicity to join. If they’re really confused and need help, tell them how you decided that you were multiple then let them figure it out for themselves. Some of you would argue that there are people who sound like they’re multiple but don’t realize that they are. Really, it’s not this community’s place to make that judgment; especially not when descriptions of completely different things can sound so similar.

I’m not even going to comment on the whole “Everyone who believes that they might be multiple probably is” philosophy.

Comments

[eridanusus.livejournal.com]

hee. Only time we kinda told someone they was multiple was when Dat wouldn't talk to no one who wasn't multiple and he was talking to this girl who just didn't know but later she worked out she was. but he didn't tell her she was. he just kinda implied she was by talking to her.

[squnq.livejournal.com]

It's a condition of attempting to validate one's own state of being.

Probably similar to the stereotype of gays calling everyone who has even a homosexual-esque thought or behaviour "gay".

[tigrin.livejournal.com]

I agree with the "in and of itself" bit... you can't really isolate one thing. I don't think you can be like... I have a really bad headache... I must be multiple! You might just have a bad headache, doesn't necessarily mean anything... I think it can be almost too easy to read yourself into a label sometimes. It's healthy to keep in mind all the possibilities, but I also understand why some people would like some stability or sense. I don't think anyone here is in a position to tell anyone that they are or are not multiple... I've yet to even hear what the definition of that is.

*shrug*

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

I tend to agree with squnq here-- people seem to want others to 'join the club,' because it makes them feel more validated to be surrounded by other people like them. (Or people they believe to be like them, anyway.)

But honestly, I also wish people would be less gung-ho about trying to convince others they're multiple, especially when it's on such a minor pretext as occasionally forgetting conversations you've had. Everyone does that.

I also think some of this attitude descends from the therapy culture of the 80s and 90s-- people like Richard Kluft promoted the idea that if one even suspects multiplicity in a client, they probably are multiple, and need to be subjected to intense interrogation sessions until they 'admit' to it. Incredibly vague checklists were passed around to both therapists and clients, claiming that things like occasional childlike behaviour and carrying on conversations with oneself were symptoms of dissociation. Similar ones were passed around for symptoms of sexual abuse-- some clients were told that any disturbing thought, dream or image they experienced was a memory. By their criteria, just about anyone could come off looking like they were multiple. I suspect there are some therapists who still take those ideas seriously, and pass them on to their clients.

[idianshire.livejournal.com]

Years ago now I was on an email list. There was this woman who wasn't multiple but identified herself as "a supporter to ALL multiples". She came up with this list of identifying multiples. I can't remember it all now, although I laughed incredibly. The one main one that cracked us up was that anyone that wore a sweatshirt with a disney character on it is definitely multiple. I remember saying (an no offense meant here) that maybe it wasn't a sign of multiplicity but rather a sign of really bad taste in clothing.

[laurenthemself]

Oh GODS. Is there any way you can get this list? I'd love to see it if you had any way of finding it...

[shandra.livejournal.com]

Damn. I have no Disney clothes. Does this mean I'm not a Real Multiple(tm)?

[sharpsight.livejournal.com]

[AOL] Likewise (on the first paragraph). [/AOL]

[qilora.livejournal.com]

let's just assume you are talking about people who are *in* the comm here... no one is pulling folks "off the street" and saying "thou art plural!" as they post in here, requesting information...

someone who comes into this comm with a question "do plurals do/have this?" is going to hear "yeah, sometimes they do" and hopefully that person will get links and info as to what they can look into in order to make a further more educated decision about what they are....

people seeking help and people offerring help.
sorry, but i don't see anything wrong with that.

Ulla & Co.

[kasiya-system.livejournal.com]

yeah.. that too!

[pengke.livejournal.com]

someone who comes into this comm with a question "do plurals do/have this?" is going to hear "yeah, sometimes they do" and hopefully that person will get links and info as to what they can look into in order to make a further more educated decision about what they are....


I'm not complaining about this. This is what I'm saying should happen.

What shouldn't be happening are those people coming in asking if they're multiple because they do *insert random thing* and people telling them yes.

[kangetsuhime.livejournal.com]

Seems more like people saying "Yeah maybe."

[qilora.livejournal.com]

i read your post, pengke.

i know what you said.

i think you have a problem with the thought of other people being plural if they are not what *you* have decided this to be.

it also looks like you are upset with the thought of things like "characters, muses, imaginary friends living in their head" should i take that to mean that you have a problem with things like soulbonds and medians?

just curious.

Dok.

[kasiya-system.livejournal.com]

probably because this is a Multiplicity forum.. and it's assumed that if someone is coming in here asking things then it's assumed that it's because they suspect the answers they seek may have to do with being plural.. I mean, if this was a ufo forum then the answers would be in relation to that.. so of course the answers would be in relation to being multiple... eh? right? *is cornfuzzled*

[kasiya-system.livejournal.com]

I’m not even going to comment on the whole “Everyone who believes that they might be multiple probably is” philosophy.

How can anyone truly know except the people themselves who say they are Plural? I don't think it's anyone else's place to tell someone that they are not what they claim to be. There are some that it may be suspected or known that they are play acting, but how can anyone truly know? It isn't my place or your place to judge them.

Jenilee

[pengke.livejournal.com]

I did not say that we should be telling people that they are not multiple. I said we should point out that experiences that are common to multiples and non-multiples alike are not a good indicator of one being multiple.

Saying that everyone who believes they might be multiple probably is is like saying that everyone who thinks they might be gay is homosexual. People go through questioning stages all the time. A lot of times the answer turns out to be negative.

[kasiya-system.livejournal.com]

*experiences that are common to multiples and non-multiples alike are not a good indicator of one being multiple*

Yes, but there are fine lines and there are always shades of grey.

*is like saying that everyone who thinks they might be gay is homosexual*

I'm sorry, but that sentence makes no sense to me. Do you mean that if I said I think I am something then it doesn't mean that I actually am? Isn't it our thoughts about who we are that make us who we are?

-Jenilee

[hellmutt.livejournal.com]

Thanks for this post. Several points I've been thinking about but didn't feel like saying aloud. :)

[luwana.livejournal.com]

There is absolutely 0 wrong with saying "Cool, you might be multiple, look into it."

I´m in a net cafe and don´t have time to say much more, but yeah. there´s a line between saying "OMG YOU´RE SO MULTIPLE" and outright putting people off by continuely throwing "Oh but that doesn´t mean you´re multiple" crap at them.

People might be multiple, people might not be multiple. Saying "You might be mutliple" is harmless. If somebody has imaginary friends, then they might well be median. No harm in introducing them to the concept.

[pengke.livejournal.com]

Why would you want to tell someone that you think they might be multiple? If they're in a multiple community or they're reading about multiplicity, they'll recognize any similarities between multiplicity and their experience by themself.

For a lot of people, suggesting that they might be multiple comes across as though you are telling them that they are multiple. It leads to people becoming confused as to what multiplicity really means. It will cause some people to jump on the bandwagon and end up play acting and pigeon holing themselves to try to fit this new term that you've given them.

Telling someone "Oh but that doesn't mean you're multiple." is not crap. It's not telling them that they're not multiple either. It's pointing out that there are other options and explanations. In some cases, it's pointing out that the experience that they're relating has nothing to do with multiplicity.

[unknown-tales.livejournal.com]

Telling someone who isn’t multiple that they are is not a good thing.

True, and I agree with most of what you said. But isn't it just as bad to tell someone who is multiple that they aren't, and that they need to look elsewhere for answers? How can you draw the line between it being wrong to tell people they are multiple and telling people that they aren't when, in either situation, no one but that person can know?

Fine, don't tell them that they are multiple, but don't automatically say they aren't, either.

[pengke.livejournal.com]

I never said that we should be telling anyone that they are not multiple.

If someone says that they are multiple because they hear voices, you could point out that there are lots of reasons that people hear voices. It's up to them to decide if the voices are from other people or some other source. If you direct them to the soulbonding commnity, they can go check it out and decide if soulbonding's closer to what they're experiencing.

[theoutlawtorn.livejournal.com]

Someone posts saying they have imaginary friends and they’re told that they might be median.

Eh-heh...you're talking about me, right??? ^ ^;;;

I definitely see where you're coming from...Although I think it's nice to be offered some guidance, I wasn't prepared for people to start giving me a diagnosis or anything.

So, I appreciate the suggestions of the other members, but Pengke has a point...we shouldn't be too quick to label other people based on one or two experiences.

Does that make sense??? *shrug*

~Raisin =)

[pengke.livejournal.com]

Yes, I'm talking about you but only because you're the most recent example. You're not the first person that people have said that to.

Ahem, excuse the double comment. I just wanted to point out that they probably suggested that you could be median because you spoke about sharing your body. We all have to share use of our bodies but for us it's someone else physically taking over operation of the body. That doesn't seem to be what you mean by the phrase though.

[ghostwalker.livejournal.com]