The more you know.

[eternalism.livejournal.com]

So bit by bit, more evidence comes to light that I may have been part of a multiple system for longer than I realised. I figured that Brooke was the first. Turns out she may not be.

The easiest one to remember would probably be Voice, who had no name other than that. I called it (for it had no gender) Voice because that's what it was: a voice in my head. It was calm almost to the point of being cold, and surfaced a lot during times of mental shit, or when I was really upset. Voice never spoke through me, but rather to me, and usually made me feel a little colder. Other times, Voice tried to show me the illogic in half of my decisions, and tried to get me to do things that may help.

Voice faded long ago, though. Hasn't been seen in years.

Keile (pronounced as Kayla) may be another one that surfaced for a while in my first year of university. For those who have ever read any of Mercedes Lackey's Valdemar books will understand what I mean when I equated her as some sort of Companion-like figure, but for those who haven't read the boks, I shall explain.

Companions are horse-shaped creatures that form a bond with Heralds, who are usually the main characters of the stories. They act as guides, an external conscience, helpers, friends, someone close to the heart and mind. Sometimes soul, even. But that's what Keile felt like to me. She'd try to keep me on the straight and narrow, chide me gently when I made a decision that I knew wasn't the right one, and so on. But she seemed to come from more outside me than inside, so I'm not entirely sure if that counts.

As with Voice, she faded after a while. Hasn't been back in over a year.

But the one I remembered tonight was around back in my high school days, and his name was Kerel. He was an inquisitive little bugger, always wanting to know about people. How they lived, what they did, who they were, etc etc. My roommate, Griffin, even has examples of his handwriting, from when Kerel interviewed her.

Again, Kerel hasn't been seen in a long time.

However, what really makes me wonder about Kerel is the fact that I have large blank spots in my memories, around the time that he was around. I only clearly remember one incident when he spoke and wrote, but he was known enough for people to make the occasional comment about him. Hell, he even had a name, and I didn't find out until much later that the name Kerel is actually found in a good few baby name books.

He spoke a little differently, if I remember, with a slight sharpness to some consonant sounds.

I've wondered for a long time why I have blank spots in my memories about high school, and all the odd stuff that was going on at the time. I wonder if it might have been Kerel.

Of course, it's just as likely that my brain simply couldn't handle the odd stuff that was happening, and I repressed it. Which is odd in itself, since I wasn't too involved at the time, didn't play a big part in the spiritual happenings. So I wonder why it's been blocked from my mind. Did I find someout out that I just couldn't handle? Who friggin knows?

(For those who are curious, the incident in question is when Brooke first got here, though in the body of someone else, and she was believed to be in a fair bit of danger.)

So yeah, knowledge of multiplicity and whatnot is making me seriously look back on my past, and making me wonder if I've been part of a system for a lot longer than I first thought.

[/rant] Just felt like getting that off my chest. Thanks for letting me ramble. :p