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Dec. 7th, 2004 12:38 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
riagoose.livejournal.comMuC N-- [f;f/m] S.H+/S.~/S.Sa A(b- r---!/+++) On/r Ww- Cc- OF(r- o-) Ppsi/Pspi/Ppre/Pmag! Fx+^/#^ T++# Ja!/wr!/h/m/x Do R(+/-) C(++/---) So(+++/---!)
Dec. 7th, 2004
riagoose.livejournal.com
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Dec. 7th, 2004 12:48 amriagoose.livejournal.comIt has been quite some time now since I've been able to gather my thoughts about things. Running around in panic lately, I'm trying to scramble to get things done. When I take a minute to watch TV I feel the minutes slipping by and I become frazzled with everything I must accomplish in life. Sometimes I'm so consumed in this world's chaos I forget about the others...and they exist silently in the other world waiting for their chance to front here.
That is why I like it when Ria takes over. She is so calm and sensitive and I love to watch her paint and play piano and dabble in the things I long to do and be if only I weren't always so intense and business like. She calms me like no one else ever can and she knows how to purge us of our stress and strain without even realizing her effect on us all. 'He' controls her so much though...in his almighty form he bullies her more than the rest of us because he knows she is so vulnerable. He convinced her that life was no longer worth living and she began to cut and cut in tearful sorrow until the blood dripped down our arm...
Little Sarah is so afraid and lost yet. I find her inconsolable in her waking nightmare when she chooses to front...clutching her worn 'Rainbow' bunny, rocking and sobbing. Will nothing save her from this endless torment?--she will allow none of us to break through to her alone with wide aged eyes ever watching and huddled. Ria paints her sometimes in that huddled form. A desperate child trapped in an adult body--misunderstood in this world.
--This is Ria now and I am not weak to the wills of 'him'. I just know that all he says is true and pure and his will is to help not harm. Seek the wisdom of his knowledge and find that we are all in dire need of change and help.
That is why I like it when Ria takes over. She is so calm and sensitive and I love to watch her paint and play piano and dabble in the things I long to do and be if only I weren't always so intense and business like. She calms me like no one else ever can and she knows how to purge us of our stress and strain without even realizing her effect on us all. 'He' controls her so much though...in his almighty form he bullies her more than the rest of us because he knows she is so vulnerable. He convinced her that life was no longer worth living and she began to cut and cut in tearful sorrow until the blood dripped down our arm...
Little Sarah is so afraid and lost yet. I find her inconsolable in her waking nightmare when she chooses to front...clutching her worn 'Rainbow' bunny, rocking and sobbing. Will nothing save her from this endless torment?--she will allow none of us to break through to her alone with wide aged eyes ever watching and huddled. Ria paints her sometimes in that huddled form. A desperate child trapped in an adult body--misunderstood in this world.
--This is Ria now and I am not weak to the wills of 'him'. I just know that all he says is true and pure and his will is to help not harm. Seek the wisdom of his knowledge and find that we are all in dire need of change and help.
new alter...
Dec. 7th, 2004 01:53 pmprettyrazor.livejournal.comHi, I'm Will. I was created to "not" deal with a death in the family that's got the whole system flipping out. Basically, my job is to stay functional while everyone else gets a chance to flip out and process this. I'm 25. I am Dolores's little brother. (She aged herself to 27, and she created me.) I am a protector. I was also created to be a companion for a new alter in our girlfriend's system named Leala, but I'm not sure how that's gonna work out. I don't know if she actually likes me or not, LOL. Hard to tell sometimes, you know? And since I just got created last night, I'm new at all of this.
Anyway, it got bad last night... Katie overpowered the person on the surface of the body and was gonna cut, but Chelsea got to the surface of our girlfriend's body and cornered her before she could get a blade and ordered her off of the surface. Katie, who hates being touched or cornered or even spoken to by other people, fell apart and just stood there whispering, "Bad" over and over and over again until Chelsea softened and held her. Katie actually let her, which is MAJORLY shocking. Katie, for those of you who don't know, is 8 years old, and we think she's autistic because she has a lot of the symptoms of autism. She usually flips out if someone tries to touch her or talk to her or tell her she's not bad and starts banging her head. She just kept saying "Bad," even while Chelsea held her and told her she wasn't bad, until Dolores finally overpowered her. Then Dolores created me to keep the system functional, since the emotions were even hitting her. (Nothing hits Dolores. Not really. It takes a lot.)
Anyway, I just figured I'd update. We're not doing so well, and we feel really guilty about Vinny dying and the fact that we can't go to the funeral and our parents won't go because of our history of abuse with that side of the family. We feel bad because we can't cry, even though we want to. We feel like we should have been there. He was sick for months, and we didn't know. We feel like a bad person. (Or is that a bad people?) We're a mess.
-Will
Anyway, it got bad last night... Katie overpowered the person on the surface of the body and was gonna cut, but Chelsea got to the surface of our girlfriend's body and cornered her before she could get a blade and ordered her off of the surface. Katie, who hates being touched or cornered or even spoken to by other people, fell apart and just stood there whispering, "Bad" over and over and over again until Chelsea softened and held her. Katie actually let her, which is MAJORLY shocking. Katie, for those of you who don't know, is 8 years old, and we think she's autistic because she has a lot of the symptoms of autism. She usually flips out if someone tries to touch her or talk to her or tell her she's not bad and starts banging her head. She just kept saying "Bad," even while Chelsea held her and told her she wasn't bad, until Dolores finally overpowered her. Then Dolores created me to keep the system functional, since the emotions were even hitting her. (Nothing hits Dolores. Not really. It takes a lot.)
Anyway, I just figured I'd update. We're not doing so well, and we feel really guilty about Vinny dying and the fact that we can't go to the funeral and our parents won't go because of our history of abuse with that side of the family. We feel bad because we can't cry, even though we want to. We feel like we should have been there. He was sick for months, and we didn't know. We feel like a bad person. (Or is that a bad people?) We're a mess.
-Will
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Dec. 7th, 2004 03:53 pmanonimusy.livejournal.comi just want to be recognized and accepted. nobody knows im here. nobody listens to me.
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