Hello. I’m new here.

[distanteyes.livejournal.com]

I just gave up on having a single LJ account and created and alternate one to join this community and actually be able to post. Here is why. My life is full of closets and most of the doors are open. Most people know I am ‘Poly Bi Pagan Female Gamer Geek’. What most people do not know is that I am also Multiple and Otherkin. I did not like the idea for additional accounts; it feels like deception to me and makes me think of all the people using multiple accounts to generate webs of lies.

My immediate chosen family knows, but none of them are multiples. The one person, of them, who does understand how multiplicity works just got out of a long term relationship with a ‘less then stable’ multiple and doesn’t really want to deal with things that touch on the issue. In my social group there is a strong sense of; multiples are untrustworthy due to a recent exposure to the person mentioned above. So I keep my mouth shut and hide myself from both multiples and singletons alike. I am also slightly screwed because expression of emotion of any sort is discouraged, so I stay bottled up, which leads to bad things.

It has been over 2 years since any one of us was called by our real name. If I get praise in the plural it is a rare occurrence. I do not currently have any friends that are like me and it has gotten incredibly lonely. I did not realize I need contact with other multiple nearly as much as I do. *ears twitch* I am not even certain I should be talking here. I am getting a lot of static from my system in regards to this decision. I made this account over a moth ago and just worked up the guts to post.

I think many of us are of the opinion that talking to other multiples will unbalance us. I think if we do not, then we will end up looking integrated. It will not be the case, but we are slowly loosing our ability to switch at will or in any controlled fashion. Also we are blending more, partly because we are not really allowed to switch in public and partly because of too much mundane work. This scares me. I want to be able to clearly feel each part of me, but I’m not sure how to do so.

My name is W***, I am 9, co-fronting with A**** who is 17 to be able to come up with something coherent. I hope I succeeded. Talking to groups of people makes me nervous so I tend to ramble. Thanks for listening.