(no subject)

[parisstar.livejournal.com]

[15 Nov 2004|05:26pm]
The thing about this state is the fact that I don't really feel anything physically. In a way it's kind of neat, but in another, it's kind of scary. If I hit myself, hard, or cut myself the pain is there, but somehow, it's somehow in another realm.

Is this normal? In some ways I like to believe so, in some ways I believe that it's something that every-body feels when they under some form of stress, if it's internally or externally caused. In other ways I feel that this is something that I have in and of myself, or in and of my so called "illness" but is it really an illness? Or just a way in which we cope, all of us?

I want to come back, there is a strong force in which pulls me in one direction, while there is another pulling me in another. I wish that I had two... or three, or six or a hundred different bodies to do everything with.

There are so many things to do then I will ever be able to do. This breaks my heart. I want to settle down, I want to be free. How can we do these things when they are so completely oppsite of one another?

I have completely wasted today, another day gone by. Time is like money, once it's spent, it's gone. The thing is, this is from a store with no refund policy. Isn't that just frustrating. I normally don't buy from those stores, but I can't seem to find a socially acceptable alternative.

I'm sure that my rant as I suppose in which you could call it is going on, most likely around in circles and is rather boring, but I must concour, it's rather nice for me to have a place to write it down and essentually, isn't this what this place is meant for. It is after all a journal

I'm fucking mad, I need out of this.

Comments

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

"The thing about this state is the fact that I don't really feel anything physically. In a way it's kind of neat, but in another, it's kind of scary. If I hit myself, hard, or cut myself the pain is there, but somehow, it's somehow in another realm."

That's a classic symptom of dissociation. Yes, it's normal for people to dissociate under certain kinds of stress. It's normal for people to cough in the presence of smoke or other irritants, too, but a person who frequently coughs when no identifiable irritant is present may indeed be ill.

So... when you say "this state", what do you mean? What's causing you to dissociate?

[arimle.livejournal.com]

that's essentially the way it was for us when we used to cut, yes.