Being Us

[hairymonster.livejournal.com]

Cross-posted from Our own journal.

Recently the issue of being multiple and how to explain it has been thrown into quite sharp focus. How to explain how We work?

Theres a little "poem" We wrote to explain what it means to Us to be an abuse survivor:

I am a human being
I am a man
I am a father
I am a husband
I am a lover
I am a friend
I am a co-worker
I am an employee
I am a stranger in the street
I am a face in a room full of people

And I am a survivor
But I am still all the other things too

We've tried to apply that to being a multiple, it just doesn't work. We are a multiple or We are nothing. It goes right to the core of Our being in a way nothing else does. We honestly don't know how people who aren't multiples survive, to be totally alone inside yourself, how can you survive that? The absolute silence of it terrifies Us in a way nothing else can.

Part of the problem is that the language to explain it does not seem to exist. We say We are 14 distinct unique individuals and We are, but not in any sense like those We know in the world outside are. We inside are individuals but We also all share each others hopes, fears, dreams, feelings and so much more. The best We've ever come up with is "One soul, many facets."

Its the sharing that's hardest to explain. Each one of Us has their own dreams, fears and feelings, they belong to that one of Us. But they are a part of all of Us and all of Us share them. When one of Us falls in love with somebody, those feelings "belongs" to that one, but because they feel it We all feel it and are all in love with the person. Our inner world is as complex and real to Us as the outside world is. But it's inside Us and We can not think of a way to share it with those on the outside, We so wish We could. We wish those We love and care for could share in the brilliance and vibrancy Our inner world, but We know they never can.

Okay, We've rambled long enough and this probably makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. But We hope that just maybe some will understand Us better for it.

* * "Gabrielle" - Girly, confident and fun * *

Comments

[chezames.livejournal.com]

"Each one of Us has their own dreams, fears and feelings, they belong to that one of Us. But they are a part of all of Us and all of Us share them. When one of Us falls in love with somebody, those feelings "belongs" to that one, but because they feel it We all feel it and are all in love with the person. Our inner world is as complex and real to Us as the outside world is. But it's inside Us and We can not think of a way to share it with those on the outside, We so wish We could. We wish those We love and care for could share in the brilliance and vibrancy Our inner world, but We know they never can"

You said that very well, it really hits home! May We quote you on that?

[hairymonster.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

The Sound of Silence

[(Anonymous)]

We honestly don't know how people who aren't multiples survive, to be totally alone inside yourself, how can you survive that? The absolute silence of it terrifies Us in a way nothing else can.

Ah, but...it's not silent. No more than a multiple with no intra-system (right word?) communication is silent. Whoever's fronting -- in my case, just me, all the time -- has the ability to think, dream, plan, sing, rehash old memories, rehearse new conversations, plot out story ideas, let the imagination fly wherever it wishes to go.

The human brain, *any* human brain, is a busy, bustling and beautiful place.

(Sorry to post anonymous -- no LJ account. Best of intentions, honest.)


Chord.

Re: The Sound of Silence

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

The anon option is open for posts like yours, you're fine. You're perfectly welcome to get an LJ and join this community if you want. Singlets, plural, not-sure, just curious, none of the above -- all welcome.

Re: The Sound of Silence

[totorojo.livejournal.com]

Yes, that's very much what I was going to say.

I'm non multiple myself - I'm the only one in my head and thats how it's always been ... But (and I know this probably won't make any sense...) it's not lonely because I'm here with me. Thats the best way I can think of to put it. ... It was a wonderful thing to realise that I never could be totally alone because I would always have me.

*suddenly laughs* OK, that didn't make any sense even to me. :P

The human brain, *any* human brain, is a busy, bustling and beautiful place.

Yes, thats just it.

Re: The Sound of Silence

[hairymonster.livejournal.com]

Think that's part of the problem. We've always been able to at least "feel" each other's presence inside even when We couldn't share Our concious thoughts. I just can't being to imagine what its like to be a singlet. Have no common frame of reference.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

That is very lovely, and a lot of the way that we feel; this is the way we are, we couldn't imagine life without each other.

Would you feel like making your own website about your homeworld? You could even put a lock on the directory and share it only with people you trust. It wouldn't be the same as like if people could go there, but you could give them an idea of it anyway with the right pictures and text and so forth. If you have your own language maybe you could post some of the vocabulary.

[hairymonster.livejournal.com]

Its why We decided not to integrate, We lost a couple of alters "naturally" during therapy and it was just too painful to contemplate losing everybody. We just can't imagine what it must be like not to have all of Us inside.

We're trying to explain how We are to Our new lover, its hard, she's never met a multiple before.