this is a long shot

[nightwind292.livejournal.com]

But with the way things echo through the wab, I thought I would try.

She, they self refranced as 3~J. The first multiple I had met. Back in the days of major domo and listservs, thre was an open discussion forum for many forms of pagan religions. 3~J was a saitanist, but as I came to understand it, they where humanist. Me, I was hardly getting my toes wet. Immortals.meithos@juno.com ... what a child I was.

Twas about 10 years back. And I am mostly certain she was older then I was (16).

Jane was the spokesperson, but after a while of taling with them, i could tell who was actually typing at the moment, the 3 handing it off easilly, even in the middle of sentances.

I can still remember the one time when she and i 'sat down' and discussed things, nature of the inernal universe, how i had almost broken multiple myself, things like that.

to this day, i can still picture the large mansion, the varrous rooms that each of them had constructed for themselves, how some stayed back, and the one who was locked away (he wasn't safe to let out).

So why post? Because I want to thank her. For the advice back then that kept me from shattering, for the memmories of that experiance that is helping me understand my girlfriend now. For the touching story of how one of her reformed into the rest durring a very tough time that would have otherwise shattered them worce. Because some things need to be said, even if it's only into the empty wind of cyberspace. For the compliment in the last e-mail i have from her, "just as sweet as goku, never change".

I'm leaving the comnity after this post. But will be tracking the posts in reply to it. I turned notification on.

But I had to say it.

Thank you 3~j... whoever you are.

[please crosspost this, as long and as far as it will go, with links back here to me. if any of the three arn't intigrated, I belive they will reply.]

Comments

[azraile.livejournal.com]

*hugs and smiles* you are sweet ^_^

I glad you didn't shatter.... your confusing enugh to talk to some times as it is when your sleepy =p *Giggles and nuzzles* teasing aside though I like you how you are now and if she has something to do with that I thank her too ^_^

short form

[nightwind292.livejournal.com]

because of her, I kept opening the doors where I had hid things from myself. made sure to keep looking at those blank spots, those hurt spots, the parts i put away. to bring a bit front, to let it wash into me, through me, to stay part of me, until icouldn't stand it anymore and had to put it away.

I would hurt, i would cry, i would brea kdown. But this way the wounds healed clean, closed, faded. Those blank and empty spots might remain so, but it's better for me, then having sombody walk out of there. Gaps are bad, replies... *looks to everybody else* need i say it?

Re: short form

[azraile.livejournal.com]

*nuzzles and curls up* well your lucky to be able to do that sort of thing.... I hope to learn how though.... lol.... I already 'shattered' though lol.... even if kitsu and frostbite poped in there still the feral side that split off of me at the very least

If I can ever help anyway do pleas tell me.

[(Anonymous)]

i understand your feeling sentimental, i don't like to forward anything to anyone. you're request is cheesy, imho.

not to individuals, mistake in explanation on my part.

[nightwind292.livejournal.com]

but to ther lists for multiples. I figure they are likely on one of them somewhere, as she was on line long before me.

[pengke.livejournal.com]

Even completely ignoring the fact that there's nothing shattered or broken about being multiple, that person did not save you from becoming multiple. That would be like someone here going over to the soulbonding or muses communities and telling people that they'd better stop playing with their imaginary friends or they might end up multiple one day.

I still feel thankful

[nightwind292.livejournal.com]

And I honestly belive that she saved me from a degree of harm.

However you care to read that, I would thank her.

I belive though you misinterprated me if you think I am making any sort of comparrison to eather of those groups. I had already repressed a good deal of my emotions and memmories to the point where I was loosing my self idenity. As I understand it, that is often identified as a precursor. I also understand that my understanding is about as flawed as it can get while not being insulting.

As i see it, if I had continued to devide myself, eventually it would have come back in a negitivly impacting way. I woudl have gladly hid behind anybody who offered ...

Re: I still feel thankful

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

Actually, what you're doing is really more like going into a gay community and thanking your friend who encouraged you to repress your same-sex attractions because they prevented you from 'turning gay.'

Not a good way to earn fans.

Re: I still feel thankful

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

I must to some extent agree with sethrenn^Shiu and pengke on these points. Your entire initial post has a "there but for the grace of God" flavour that may not be appreciated by some multiples.

I had already repressed a good deal of my emotions and memmories to the point where I was loosing my self idenity. As I understand it, that is often identified as a precursor.

Agreed that said repression is not a good thing, but you are confusing loss of self-identity with multiplicity, the presence of many independent minds in one body.

I know an early 20thC theory was that repression of otherwise healthy thoughts, feelings and desires could sometimes result in those drives coalescing and forming an entirely new individual, but I'm not entirely convinced; women's independence was a hot issue at the time and Freud and Jung were both very much in vogue. I'm an agnostic on this issue, however.

Be that as it may.

As i see it, if I had continued to devide myself, eventually it would have come back in a negitivly impacting way.

Agreed, but not in your becoming multiple. And again, even if you had split in the manner you suggest, this is not necessarily a negative thing.

I woudl have gladly hid behind anybody who offered ...

This statement sounds more as if you expected people to come in from outside (which certainly can and does happen, I'm one such in my own system) than to arise from splitting of your one true original self. Just curious.

I do indeed feel that you need further information. Have you seen these:

http://www.kitsune.cx/blackbirds/layman
http://www.astraeasweb.net/plural/faq.shtml

Also, concerning your initial inquiry; your friend& may have changed their online handle. Have you thought about asking after them in the community on which you originally met them?

Re: I still feel thankful

[nightwind292.livejournal.com]

it hasn't existed in atleast 5 years.

and I do admit that most of what i know of psycology is freudian and jungian.

so suffice it to say, they helped keep me arround when I would have self destructed.