Bonjours mes amies.

[foxfire.livejournal.com]

Julian/Nathaniel/Sky/Camille/Alexandra/Stiggs/Bones/Daniel/Robertson here. I'm a resolute mess, an invisible nothing whose lunacy has finally made him homeless. Thanks to the inhuman exploitation of local day labor, I’ve been able to buy a laptop and a wireless Internet connection (and, by the way, a bicycle with which to spend more time with my daughter). Right now, I’m writing from the Downtown Emergency Service Center, a veritable warehouse of every mental disorder one can possibly imagine. It’s the special circle of Hell where reside the tortured souls of society’s rankest discards. And yes, I’m one of them, presently incapable of controlling my flashing mood swings, the dark voices yammering away in my head, and the various personalities who appear to wreck my family relationships, my friendships and my interaction with the authorities.

In reality, I have no self-identity whatsoever. I'm dominated by such a range of personalities that I no longer know who I am. I'm deteriorating rapidly. And no medication in the world seems to help. I predict that, one day soon, I'll disappear under several diaphanous layers of selves. I'll no longer be the person my mother birthed. (I don't even remember who my mother was; she appears in several different memories and is a completely different person in each one; I want to think she's the one called Kiki.) However, they say suicide is painless, and I'll keep that thought deep in my pocket.

I’m locating and joining communities that correspond to my current life situation, and am happy to join this one. Be well, everyone.

Comments

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

Hey, welcome to the community! We're in the Northwest too, in Port Townsend. I'm sorry to hear you're having to stay at the shelter; that has to suck - good you got your bike and laptop, though.

Suicide isn't painless, so I hope you can find a better option for resolving your difficulties. "Life By Committee" isn't easy to manage, but it can be done, and maybe having the support of others who are working on the same thing will help. Anyway, good to meet you!

[tir-nan-og.livejournal.com]

Pleased to meet you! I know there is life after homelessness- my husband-to-be, who is autistic, was homeless for a while. Is there any chance you could do the whole Disability/Section Eight thing, which is a subpoverty lifestyle but at least will give you a home and freedom from economic worry, to give you space to work on yourselves?
As Elenbarathi said, suicide isnt painless at all. It certainly wouldnt be painless for your daughter. Life as a crowd within a body is workable, ultimately. I'm not going to say it's easy or simple. We number about eighteen at last count, but have six or so that tend to really grapple for time out in the body. Crowded, but cozy.
I'm rooting for you. Keep us posted as to how things are going.

[http://users.livejournal.com/-sinteria-/]

Welcome! I fear homelessness and hope that it doesn't happen to me, though it could... I added you to my friends, and I hope that's okay!

[sexylittleone.livejournal.com]

fwiw, I've been homeless. I understand some of your situation.

I hope to hell you climb out of that hole you're in now & get on with life. Its tough...but I'm sure you'll do OK with a bit of luck & some work.

El