Surreal yes! By the way, Victoria here! Totally surreal! Wanting to tell people, but cannot because they just don't understand. Outside the community, I mean! I'm only out mainly school work and little things. You said it best, "Sit and see the outside world, watch it all fall apart inside, and feel so very lost and helpless and at the same time.... all knowing." I've said that so much over the years. No one ever understood that logic, but it's true!
Okay, you made sense, don't worry. Trust me when I say a lot of people do understand and share the sentiments, even if its on their own levels. Also, don't apologize for your feelings. They are yours. If people don't understand (which they do) they will ask so they can understand. We want to help somehow, even if it's just by listening. I can understand how lock up isn't an option for you. I don't like lock up. I went in overnight voluntary and I went AMA the next day. I wasn't solving anything inside, when I needed to tackle the outside stuff. (Abusive marriage) Since you feel a good strong sense of duty, then do your best to do what you need to do but stay safe. Treat yourself gently right now. Also, please drink a bit more water than usual, if you don't already. I'm not sure how your eating or sleeping is going, so be gentle with yourself. Since you mention Laney, maybe tell Laney thank you, if you haven't already. It is good to have someone in the crew that can help us out that way. I can understand how you describe Laney, as a lot of my inner crew is the same way. I do understand so well the breaking down and crying, plus holding onto the dog for comfort while praying. I've done that many times too. **Hugs** Feel free to email me or post in my journal, if you wish to speak with me at anytime. (That goes for anyone who thinks I can help them, even if just by listening!)
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timeasmymeasure
Surreal It Is!
Date: 2003-12-12 02:23 pm (UTC)Okay, you made sense, don't worry. Trust me when I say a lot of people do understand and share the sentiments, even if its on their own levels. Also, don't apologize for your feelings. They are yours. If people don't understand (which they do) they will ask so they can understand. We want to help somehow, even if it's just by listening. I can understand how lock up isn't an option for you. I don't like lock up. I went in overnight voluntary and I went AMA the next day. I wasn't solving anything inside, when I needed to tackle the outside stuff. (Abusive marriage) Since you feel a good strong sense of duty, then do your best to do what you need to do but stay safe. Treat yourself gently right now. Also, please drink a bit more water than usual, if you don't already. I'm not sure how your eating or sleeping is going, so be gentle with yourself. Since you mention Laney, maybe tell Laney thank you, if you haven't already. It is good to have someone in the crew that can help us out that way. I can understand how you describe Laney, as a lot of my inner crew is the same way. I do understand so well the breaking down and crying, plus holding onto the dog for comfort while praying. I've done that many times too.
**Hugs** Feel free to email me or post in my journal, if you wish to speak with me at anytime. (That goes for anyone who thinks I can help them, even if just by listening!)