Hello, I’m mrs. Hannibal… The shivery feeling? I’ve been told that when something has been said to me has struck me out of the blue, it’s almost the sense of “I don’t want to hear this” and I can feel myself shut down and shut off…well, that, and “don’t respond to that - too revealing an answer”…I suppose it’s to have things still kept hidden…strangest feeling…and you are so right in the when suddenly something makes a great deal of sense and speaks to us on many levels or addresses many parts. exactly…well said…
JULIAN is not so much suicidal as he is sullen, likes to drive fast (no license), and mouth off…but I see what you’re saying - a purpose for whatever reason…he’s also looking for help, but doesn’t know how to ask - and apparently he’d written a poem to my friend asking for help…amazing…I just now got that…
I shall read your blog, thank you for the invite… Oh, gosh - I’ve know there were things wrong for a long time now…even while things were happening, THEY WERE WRONG…and yet, a lot of that was “lost” in my memory and really didn’t come to the forefront until a few years back…but not dealt with at all…not. At. All. This “issue” came up years ago, but now it has become more and more prevalent in my every day living and the hard thing is - I’m confused about this being acceptably real or not in that I mean I still DON’T believe this…my kids and friends and coworkers tell me otherwise…I want to brush this off as imaginary, and yet…I can’t…and that is what is killing…
resistance is futile, sayeth the borg No kidding… I want desperately to know, and then in the same hand - this is too frightening to comprehend even w/my mind…and I can find reason for much, but this? Well, this has me flummoxed like nothing else in my life…denial would be grand if it worked - but it doesn’t because there are too many variables that say to the contrary… I don’t know if they are conflict or not - I can’t figure that out as of yet… Makes for interesting dinner conversation, wouldn’t you think? And yes, more often than not - blocked, but not so much as impotent…sometimes, definitely - out of control…it’s hard when I can’t tell where I end and where they start… does that make sense? forgot to touch on "resisting" - yeah...more than i ought to, i think...even w/some knowledge, i still don't want to believe this...
My iI>operative truth is supposedly a british male - but I don’t know any more than that…
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2007-04-29 08:48 pm (UTC)I’m mrs. Hannibal…
The shivery feeling? I’ve been told that when something has been said to me has struck me out of the blue, it’s almost the sense of “I don’t want to hear this” and I can feel myself shut down and shut off…well, that, and “don’t respond to that - too revealing an answer”…I suppose it’s to have things still kept hidden…strangest feeling…and you are so right in the when suddenly something makes a great deal of sense and speaks to us on many levels or addresses many parts. exactly…well said…
JULIAN is not so much suicidal as he is sullen, likes to drive fast (no license), and mouth off…but I see what you’re saying - a purpose for whatever reason…he’s also looking for help, but doesn’t know how to ask - and apparently he’d written a poem to my friend asking for help…amazing…I just now got that…
I shall read your blog, thank you for the invite…
Oh, gosh - I’ve know there were things wrong for a long time now…even while things were happening, THEY WERE WRONG…and yet, a lot of that was “lost” in my memory and really didn’t come to the forefront until a few years back…but not dealt with at all…not. At. All.
This “issue” came up years ago, but now it has become more and more prevalent in my every day living and the hard thing is - I’m confused about this being acceptably real or not in that I mean I still DON’T believe this…my kids and friends and coworkers tell me otherwise…I want to brush this off as imaginary, and yet…I can’t…and that is what is killing…
resistance is futile, sayeth the borg
No kidding…
I want desperately to know, and then in the same hand - this is too frightening to comprehend even w/my mind…and I can find reason for much, but this? Well, this has me flummoxed like nothing else in my life…denial would be grand if it worked - but it doesn’t because there are too many variables that say to the contrary…
I don’t know if they are conflict or not - I can’t figure that out as of yet…
Makes for interesting dinner conversation, wouldn’t you think?
And yes, more often than not - blocked, but not so much as impotent…sometimes, definitely - out of control…it’s hard when I can’t tell where I end and where they start…
does that make sense?
forgot to touch on "resisting" - yeah...more than i ought to, i think...even w/some knowledge, i still don't want to believe this...
My iI>operative truth is supposedly a british male - but I don’t know any more than that…
Thank you for all the feedback…I appreciate it…