Mindeodean

[fayanora.livejournal.com]

When I was a kid, my subjective world overlapped the real one quite a lot, and my imagination was very active. So active that I never really grew out of it. However, The War against my "evil" side (combined with previous explorations into the challenging "real world") pushed me into a state where I exiled myself to only one room of my inner world... the Dark Playground. It's a desolate place, with few denizens (most of which live in the shadows) and a blood red sky with some black in it. Some ghosts haunt it, and the dried dead leaves blow around in the wind, whispering as they do. The gate is rusted shut, but I have the power to open it now. And everything is covered with a layer of age and disuse, as though they were tangible things. The ground isn't much better, being made of broken-up concrete.

The only living beings in the Dark Playground (when I'm there) are myself, the six other "personalities" of mine, a phoenix, my Goddess Shao'Kehn, and a weeping willow tree.

Before, I wanted to talk more about that realm, describe it. But I kept putting it off, deciding not to. Because I was haunted by the sense of "this is IT? This is ALL?" If it HAD been all, I might have decided to talk more about it. But it wasn't until today that I rediscovered the rest of my subjective world, which I have named Mindeodean (min die oh deen). I named it after a planet I used to pretend I was king of, which used to be called Tristanania, where I was the king Tristan the Terrific (got that idea from Alexander the Great).

Anyway, I was thinking about how my subjective world used to be, when I realized what I had done. So I made the proclamation, "Your king has returned," half-jokingly, and all of a sudden, thousands of translucent people appeared around me and started to cheer.

I was surprised how suddenly I was able to get out of my self-imposed exile. But it was great, the day flew by, and work days usually drag by. I met lots of interesting characters, one of which was "That-eous," who is apparently my advisor, and used to be the unseen Narrator when I was a kid. He is a formless entity that hovers over my right shoulder, though he can take a form if he wishes to. I named him. Apparently, everyone in Mindeodean was waiting for me to return and name them. That'eous told me that when I was a kid, I had access to any information about Mindeodean that I could have wanted, even the thoughts and memories of its citizens... and everyone else there had that ability, too. So the names are just a way for them to have more reality in the real world, which they apparently get through me. I am their go-between.

I could go on and on about the wonders of this world, but I was a little concerned that I might slip back into hiding from "Tayballin," AKA the Real World. That'eous told me that I needn't worry. We had all grown and learned from this lifetime, and all I had to do was keep remembering how to strike a balance and use Mindeodean not just as an occasional escape, but also as a tool to help me in the real world.

I asked him how this could be, how my subjective world could help me deal with the real one and not hinder me. Thus, he explained to me how. He told me that for the eight years of my self-imposed exile to The Dark Playground, I had *already* been using the tools of my subjective world to help me cope with the outside world, without knowing it. The residents of Mindeodean were so scared for me during my war against my evil half (which resulted from my forgetting one of The Laws, which I will explain later), that they sent five heroic volunteers into the Dark Playground to assist me. These five characters (Alexander, Fay, Fayanora, Molly Elizabeth, and Negaran) snuck up on me and merged their consciousnesses with my own, helping me when they could. Some helped me by giving me the tools I needed to function in the outside world and others served to do sneaky things to help my parents figure out what was wrong so they could help me.

The cause of the whole situation had apparently been that I was still terrified of the unpredictability of the outside world. Mindeodean had always been a utopia, after all. (See the Laws.) But then I found the Dark Playground and the "evil" that lurked within it, which I percieved because of forgetting one of Mindeodean's Laws. So nowhere was safe for me, which is why 1998 was such a year from hell for me.

I could go on... That'eous talked for hours about what had happened, in what was apparently my welcome-back speech. But I had time to find other denizens of Mindeodean. I made friends with some "wall pixies" which bear no resemblance to pixies at all... they are six-legged lizards that live in the floors, work or shop or hang out in the ceilings, and commute through the walls to get from one place to another. They have invisible wings, but can only use them to chase beings called fnordits (little balls of light the size of half of a shelled sunflower seed that are attracted to and created from chaos).
(Don't worry, I talk to these denizens with thought-speak only.)

The coolest part of Mindeodean is the "Web." Any Mindeodeanians (myself included, apparently) can access any information, even hear the thoughts and memories of other Mindeodeanians at any time. When I was a kid I used to restrict my access to this information a little, so that my "battles" against "villains" could be more interesting. But no matter how violent the struggle to get to the villain's lair, it always ended in me diplomatically talking the villain out of his or her diabolical scheme.

The most interesting thing That'eous told me, though, was that my evil side ended up calming down, cooling off, and merging itself with my Goddess, Shao'Kehn. Which is why, he said, I can literally hear her voice in my head when we talk. (Though not as an outside voice... I recognize it's an internal voice.) Also, he said that the myths I have on my web site (the ones about Ahndahn and Shao'Kehn in particular) represent symbollically what was going on during The War, and afterwords. With Ahndahn representing me, apparently.

The Laws of Mindeodean:

1. No resident of Mindeodean, once created, can ever be destroyed or changed in form without its full informed consent. Though in truth, the closest thing to death for Mindeodeanian residents is being forgotten... even then, if they are remembered for even a second no matter how many years have passed, they come back. I got a great example of this when its first denizens, Mr. Cloud and Boneface, appeared to me.

2. There are no true villains in Mindeodean. "Villains" are either just playmates pretending to be villainous as part of the game, or if they truly have a problem they are merely acting out for attention and help, since their actions ultimately do not hurt any Mindeodeanian citizens. This is the law I forgot, that started me warring with my "evil" side.

3. Anyone in Mindeodean can be anything they want to be, at any time. But the fun is in the limits, the rules, and the game. So as long as a game is fun, the players tend to play by the rules of said game.

4. Mindeodean and Tayballin overlap, but only interact with each other through Tristan. Other "other realms" tend to do the same thing, though through other people.

5. No one's Will may be trampled on in any way. If one Mindeodeanian citizen does something like, say, kidnap another... it is because the other is playing along with the game.

6. Never take anything that happens in Mindeodean too seriously. It is all a game.

So to summerize, I discovered today that I am NOT an "internal dichotomy split." I was NOT one mind until 1998. I am a Natural Multiple, with a whole universe in my mind. Oh, and I am also a Median, which in case you don't know what that means, is defined here: http://astraeasweb.net/plural/glossary.html

Anyone else here have a subjective world of their own? Anyone else a Median?

Chaotic Blessings;
---Fayanora

X-posted to beyondthegates, adultchild