Hey there - I'm a Ren Faire musician too, and I totally sympathize with the 'performance mentality', the need for it all to be perfect when one's up on stage, and the anxiety that comes when (for whatever reason) it's not perfect. That anxiety can all-too-easily spiral down into "Oh Gods, I suck; what am I even doing up on this stage?", and then there's the corollary, "Oh Gods, I sucked; how the hell am I going to get through four more sets today - twelve more sets this weekend - two more weekends....!" Yeah. It can be terrible.
My 'brother' Crist-Erui is the strongest of us corporeally - he can take 'front' whenever he wants, and tends to do it unexpectedly. He's also the best musician, but he has a tendency to go 'off the map' - he'll go from playing a specific song to doing his own variations and improvisations, which are wondrously beautiful, but then when he suddenly switches out again, I'm, like, "Okay, exactly where ARE we?".
He's very shy, and doesn't like crowds and noise, so he rarely does this when we're on stage during the day, but at night-time Bardic Circles he'll start 'flickering in' - LOL, my kid says she can always tell when he does it because he gets "that deer-in-the-headlights look" when he notices the audience, then flickers out again, leaving me faltering for a moment till I find my stride.
The thing I've learned to do is just relax and let him do his thing when he wants to do it, and not worry about what people might think, or whether they'll notice the difference, or how long he's going to be 'up'. If we've got a sudden, unprecedented instrumental improv in the middle of a song.... why then, we've got one; generally it turns out well, and I just sort of mentally shrug and wait till it's my turn again.
Not that this has been an easy attitude to cultivate, because my own style is to do the music exactly the way I've practiced it, and 'surprises' are always kind of unnerving. Even after all these years, it's weird and alarming to suddenly find that I don't have control of my hands on the instrument because they've turned into his hands, and I'm just along for the ride, as it were. There's nothing I can do about it though, so acceptance is my only viable option.
With the "Oh Gods, I suck" thing, I've found that breathing exercises and positive self-talk help the most. There's a technique I was taught by a practicioner of Chinese medicine, which is meant to balance the chi, and it reduces anxiety better than anything else I've found:
Breathe in through the nose 'as of smelling a flower' for a slow count of six. Pause. Breathe out through the nose for a slow count of six. Pause. Repeat.
It sounds ridiculously simple, and it really is, but it works, and the more one practices it, the better it works. Five minutes of doing it will cut right through pre-performance jitters or after-performance melt-down. As for positive self-talk, it's basically a matter of opposing "Oh Gods, I suck" with "Hey, I'm okay; I may not be Heather Alexander, but I'm good enough, and I'm doing what I love - these people have come here to love my music; their good energy is all on my side, cheering me on, and I know I'm going to please them."
It can't be about the money. I know, the money's important in a practical, mundane sense, but worrying about it kills the joy, and it's the joy that makes the music sparkle. There too, positive self-talk will help - reminding yourself that you're there for love and art, and putting the whole question of how much money you're making aside till Faire's over. I'd suggest not even counting it, just shove it in a pouch and forget about it till you get home.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2005-09-06 08:21 am (UTC)My 'brother' Crist-Erui is the strongest of us corporeally - he can take 'front' whenever he wants, and tends to do it unexpectedly. He's also the best musician, but he has a tendency to go 'off the map' - he'll go from playing a specific song to doing his own variations and improvisations, which are wondrously beautiful, but then when he suddenly switches out again, I'm, like, "Okay, exactly where ARE we?".
He's very shy, and doesn't like crowds and noise, so he rarely does this when we're on stage during the day, but at night-time Bardic Circles he'll start 'flickering in' - LOL, my kid says she can always tell when he does it because he gets "that deer-in-the-headlights look" when he notices the audience, then flickers out again, leaving me faltering for a moment till I find my stride.
The thing I've learned to do is just relax and let him do his thing when he wants to do it, and not worry about what people might think, or whether they'll notice the difference, or how long he's going to be 'up'. If we've got a sudden, unprecedented instrumental improv in the middle of a song.... why then, we've got one; generally it turns out well, and I just sort of mentally shrug and wait till it's my turn again.
Not that this has been an easy attitude to cultivate, because my own style is to do the music exactly the way I've practiced it, and 'surprises' are always kind of unnerving. Even after all these years, it's weird and alarming to suddenly find that I don't have control of my hands on the instrument because they've turned into his hands, and I'm just along for the ride, as it were. There's nothing I can do about it though, so acceptance is my only viable option.
With the "Oh Gods, I suck" thing, I've found that breathing exercises and positive self-talk help the most. There's a technique I was taught by a practicioner of Chinese medicine, which is meant to balance the chi, and it reduces anxiety better than anything else I've found:
Breathe in through the nose 'as of smelling a flower' for a slow count of six. Pause.
Breathe out through the nose for a slow count of six. Pause. Repeat.
It sounds ridiculously simple, and it really is, but it works, and the more one practices it, the better it works. Five minutes of doing it will cut right through pre-performance jitters or after-performance melt-down. As for positive self-talk, it's basically a matter of opposing "Oh Gods, I suck" with "Hey, I'm okay; I may not be Heather Alexander, but I'm good enough, and I'm doing what I love - these people have come here to love my music; their good energy is all on my side, cheering me on, and I know I'm going to please them."
It can't be about the money. I know, the money's important in a practical, mundane sense, but worrying about it kills the joy, and it's the joy that makes the music sparkle. There too, positive self-talk will help - reminding yourself that you're there for love and art, and putting the whole question of how much money you're making aside till Faire's over. I'd suggest not even counting it, just shove it in a pouch and forget about it till you get home.
Too long; continued next post...