(no subject)

[onwa--keramoto.livejournal.com]

hye, ummm... danny's heart hurts and because this is the same body it hurts for me




ummm, how can i stop it from hurting, i cant talk to people i want anymore because if i do it hurts. except now cause danny is in his region sleeping.






i have to go to my room now. thankies and bye

I've had a life-changing experience...

[fayanora.livejournal.com]

This is Alexander Antonin. Yes, I know, you probably have me pegged already. Please just hear me out, though. After what we've just gone through, I am the only one who is out front at the moment anyway...

X-posted from my LJ:

It's not going to be so hard anymore to be positive, now. I have had a life-changing moment. I'm... I know why I came into being, now.

Tristan was an idealistic child... more than that, even. He saw the world the way it should be, and was very sheltered. Nothing in his life contradicted his worldview until he was five, when bullies exposed him to the insanity that is the truth of this planet.

The effect was devastating. He withdrew from the world. As far as he was concerned, his imaginary world was the only real world, and the real world was a hallucination, a delusion. He now walks equally in both, but he and most of the others are still mentally young. Tristan identifies very much with Molly Elizabeth, the inner child. Like her, he is young at heart but wise and precocious and an "old soul" (he has always been very spiritual, and has been an amateur philosopher since the literal age of eight or nine).

Lo is an adolescent. Fayanora and Negarahn are adults for their races, but their races' worldview does not contradict what Tristan's worldview was (and what he wishes the world really were like). Damon seems to be unwilling to become 3-D until he can (literally) find his voice, so I don't know his mental age. The Dame... doesn't count. (Because Her influence is minimal.)

My life-changing moment was this realization: I am the only adult in this system. Tristan was a mid-continuum child who used his internal world as an escape. But when it became clear to him that - some day - he would be unable to survive in the real world in such a state, he had to do something. Being unable to change his own age, he reached out to the adults in his life, exaggerating their traits, and created me.

It backfired on him, a little. With me in the system, we became an angry atheist. Tristan could not have this... being like a child, he could not live without his spirituality. So Fayanora and Negarahn came to the scene, to balance me out. It worked, for the most part.

I used to think I was the inner skeptic, and the Angry One. Now I know the truth... those are just Aspects of my *own* being. I am the adult. It all makes sense now... this is Tristan's body, so he always felt the need to be in control of it for the most part. Being the adult, I have often been extremely frustrated with them. Lately my frustration and our power struggle had grown to the point where I was *sure* that everyone in the system hated me.

It was a shared experience, though, as it always is with us... if they hated me, they no longer do. How can they, when I am their parent? Tristan's real parents apparently - despite how hard they tried - could not help him. After all, they were part of the Outside... they also had an Inside presence, but he could not feel their thoughts, so they were Outside. He needed a parent on the inside, so he created one.

Gods... no wonder Anna Gaskell's "Resemblance" series strikes such a deep chord in Tristan and the rest of us. The series is, after all, about children who create their own parents like Frankenstein making his monster.

I'm sorry for having been an ass in the past. I don't think I'll ever be the same, now. Not now that I am a parent to the others in this system.

With utmost sincerity,
Alexander Antonin Arts