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Ok an update on the situation...

[luciastorm.livejournal.com]

(for any of you that didnt read my first few posts i would make a link to it but im not sure how...so just scroll down and find it:S)

Ok, i have spoken to number #3. He still wants to see the other girl, which is understandable but he is not doing anything about it at the moment. He has agreed to get to know me better and give me a chance before he acts on his feelings for this other girl. This is really good progress but there are some complications.

He sees himself as a separate being and if our relationship progressed, he wants to be the one who i love...this is hard to explain..it's like: he doesn't want me to be in love with somebody else as (for example) I wouldn't want him to have feelings for another woman if he is with me..

I can understand the logic in this but it doesn't seem fair in a multiple system situation.
I love #1, he is sweet and caring. #2 i like, he has his nice moments but basically i have to live a lie with him in order to make him think that he is the one i'm interested in.. in order to keep #1 who wouldn't function anymore if he lost me.. This must sound like a really twisted and corrupted relationship but i really do love #1 (who is "out" 90% of the time) and i have to do this so i don't lose him.

I really do have feelings for number #3 and i don't think it is dishonest or betraying to the others because i think it is different when they are sharing a body...you know?

I could easily do the same with number #3 as i do with number #2. Although it would be much better because i genuinally care about #3 and i enjoy spending time with him. Should i accept that the only way i can be with number #1 for the rest of my life is to make the others think that i love them more???

Number #1 can never hear or see anything when either of the other 2 are out, he would never know that sometimes i have to pretend that it isn't just him that i care about. I don't think he would mind if he knew...but obviously i can't tell him about #3 because i would be breaking a promise and the trust that #3 has put in me (also jeopardising my relationship with him)

Losing them is not an option.. number #1 is my best friend as well as my soul mate and my whole future is with him..we have business plans together and he's even named our future kids!

Just your views on this would be helpful..i'm sorry if i'm rambling but you guys are the only people i can talk to about this and i really need advice - even if it is just to back up in my mind what i believe i should do.
xxxxLuciaxxxx