We have some minor experience with integration - a few people who were similar pretty much did integrate with each other, including me with Teresa.
Those kinds of integrations seemed to happen sort of naturally and gradually without much outside influence - in Resa's & my case it was kind of like for a long long time we were co-conscious and then some of our distinctions wore down (she was more lesbian & I was more heterosexual & now I/we are more bi), and then I had fuller access to her memories and she to mine and then we agreed on most things and then for a while it was like having an extra arm and I/we could choose whether to speak as "Teresa" or "Shandra" and then gradually it became about the same.
Because in a way Teresa's/my public face remains mostly "Shandra" in nature (I was always the extrovert of the two of us) some people might experience that as a loss of Teresa. To me it doesn't really seem that way; it's more like a few corners were knocked off, in the way that people sometimes change after getting married or having kids; the focus changes and so you don't see them dancing on tables as much.
Not sure if that makes any sense. Sometimes I feel less integrated, so I'm not sure it's a permanent state.
In one 4-day period last year our system was what I would describe as "unified" - we were for once absolutely all present and all thinking/behaving/reacting to the exact same situation. That was a head trip. We were still individually present but it was probably what therapists jerk off too in some ways - we had everyone's personality available at the same time. We were also exhausted, sick, and under tremendous emotional stress (the delivery, birth, and death of our daughter). I think that was very powerful and it certainly has made us somewhat kinder to each other but I don't recommend it.
Both of these things again were very natural /for us/.
Personally I think if any system attempts to integrate for an outside person (therapist) or force people who don't want to integrate, then it does become like a pitched battle and there are deaths. Because whenever you use force that is a risk. If anyone were at any time trying to force me to integrate (esp,. in the past, with Resa, since we were pretty much rivals in some ways)
I would so smack them around. And yes, some fear might be present, although I really don't think anyone could /force/ me to integrate. Historically people in the system can force me to be not-present or 'dead' (as opposed to permanently dead) but they can't get inside my head. Err, ha, but really - they can't, just "our" head , if that makes any sense?
But what we've actually experienced is not like that. Metaphorically I suppose it's the difference between forcing someone into some kind of soul-sucking arranged marriage, or someone chosing happily to join up to someone else.
Our therapist isn't a big fan of integration unless her clients (i.e. the people in the system) want to and I am quite confident in saying that while we probably have unified more as we've shared experiences with each other about the past /and/, most importantly, shared our life in the present for years now, we won't ever be getting down to "one person in one body." We're just not really like that. :-)
I hope that helps with your question. If you want to ask more specific ones I can try to answer them.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2005-03-03 12:11 pm (UTC)Those kinds of integrations seemed to happen sort of naturally and gradually without much outside influence - in Resa's & my case it was kind of like for a long long time we were co-conscious and then some of our distinctions wore down (she was more lesbian & I was more heterosexual & now I/we are more bi), and then I had fuller access to her memories and she to mine and then we agreed on most things and then for a while it was like having an extra arm and I/we could choose whether to speak as "Teresa" or "Shandra" and then gradually it became about the same.
Because in a way Teresa's/my public face remains mostly "Shandra" in nature (I was always the extrovert of the two of us) some people might experience that as a loss of Teresa. To me it doesn't really seem that way; it's more like a few corners were knocked off, in the way that people sometimes change after getting married or having kids; the focus changes and so you don't see them dancing on tables as much.
Not sure if that makes any sense. Sometimes I feel less integrated, so I'm not sure it's a permanent state.
In one 4-day period last year our system was what I would describe as "unified" - we were for once absolutely all present and all thinking/behaving/reacting to the exact same situation. That was a head trip. We were still individually present but it was probably what therapists jerk off too in some ways - we had everyone's personality available at the same time. We were also exhausted, sick, and under tremendous emotional stress (the delivery, birth, and death of our daughter). I think that was very powerful and it certainly has made us somewhat kinder to each other but I don't recommend it.
Both of these things again were very natural /for us/.
Personally I think if any system attempts to integrate for an outside person (therapist) or force people who don't want to integrate, then it does become like a pitched battle and there are deaths. Because whenever you use force that is a risk. If anyone were at any time trying to force me to integrate (esp,. in the past, with Resa, since we were pretty much rivals in some ways)
I would so smack them around. And yes, some fear might be present, although I really don't think anyone could /force/ me to integrate. Historically people in the system can force me to be not-present or 'dead' (as opposed to permanently dead) but they can't get inside my head. Err, ha, but really - they can't, just "our" head , if that makes any sense?
But what we've actually experienced is not like that. Metaphorically I suppose it's the difference between forcing someone into some kind of soul-sucking arranged marriage, or someone chosing happily to join up to someone else.
Our therapist isn't a big fan of integration unless her clients (i.e. the people in the system) want to and I am quite confident in saying that while we probably have unified more as we've shared experiences with each other about the past /and/, most importantly, shared our life in the present for years now, we won't ever be getting down to "one person in one body." We're just not really like that. :-)
I hope that helps with your question. If you want to ask more specific ones I can try to answer them.
Shandra