multiplicity_archives

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Coming out

Hi, I'm Angie. Fourteen, living in a fourteen year old's body with three other girls (Anna, 6-8; Ellen, also fourteen; and Venka, sixteen) a male of unknown age and another being of unknown gender. (That I know of)

I was journalling in P.E. and a friend asked what the picture I was drawing was of, was it me and whatnot and I said 'No, it's Ellen.'

So, of course, he asks who Ellen is.

I avoid his questions (verbal dodgeball, Tom (my counselor) calls it) and he eventually is rotated back in for the rest of the period so I don't have to deal with it.

I'm not really sure when it happened, but I had again sat out of P.E. and was again journalling. This time ... I was with Anna. When I started thinking about what to say, Anna took control and started spilling to him about multiplicity.

He didn't give me much of a reaction, so I figured 'whatever, he's thinking about it, maybe he's forgotten'

So, today, we're talking in P.E. again and I mention Ellen.

He ended up ranting about how I was insane and I finally just screamed at him 'If you'd been through what I've been through, you would have ended up the same way.' and the conversation, or lack therof, ended there.

I just needed to rant and cry at people who would understand ...

*sighs*

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I'm sorry that your friend can't accept the way things are for you.. *offers comfort* It's always hard when people say people like us are insane... At least you have us here, and we understand...

What a creep.

*hugs lotsly*

I'm sorry you got such a distressing reaction. Unfortunately, telling people you're multiple is a lot like telling people you're gay would have been 40 years ago: you might find a few adults who can accept it and not judge you for it, but it's pretty certain you're not going to find any other kids who can (unless they're the same way.)

The most common reactions are (a)"You're insane" or (b)"You're lying to get attention" - both of which hurt a lot, so sad though it may be to have to stay 'in the closet', it might be wisest to do so. Once you're 18 and out of school, things change, because you won't be stuck with the same old high school crowd any more, and you will be legally entitled to give or refuse consent for medical treatment. That last is a serious consideration, because if people start thinking you're actually psychotic, things could happen to you that you might prefer not to have happen.

Perhaps it's time for you and the other older members of your House to have "The Talk" with Anna, about what is private family business not to be shared with outsiders. Little kids don't have good judgement about that kind of thing, so you may have to set some fairly specific rules.

Best of luck, hon; hang in there.

I'm not surprised that it was Anna that talked about it, though. From my experience, children under ten (usually) are still new enough at social interaction that they not only accept it but seem to understand it intuitively. (Usually. I'm by no means saying it's universal, just common in my experience.)

Once people get older than that, self-consciousness and guilt by association become understood concepts, and it's difficult to break through those barriers until someone has experienced enough of the world to learn that nothing is simple or normal.

You reached out and tried to share with someone. We all need that. You'll find it eventually (offline), and experiences like this will help you learn when and how to go about it.

Until then, I agree with trying to help Anna understand that some things need to be handled more carefully.

Yelling at the boy is not a good way to convince him that you are sane.

Where did she write that that was her goal? Besides, sitting there and taking it is also not a way to convince people that you are sane. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I remember JHS, a little too clearly. Being quiet while someone is egging you, is also seen as crazy. (Not that this is readily apparent at the time. Hindsight being what it is.)

As well, the boy might consider that egging her is not going to convince her to seek "sanity".

Personally, I'm not concerned about convincing someone that I'm sane, except perhaps a psych who is trying to decide about committing me.

I hardly blame her for a verbal outburst when the person was egging her like that. *shrugs* I'm not a "sit there and take it" sort of gal.

The person was being a prick, and maybe they'll learn to not be a prick. More people in the world could do with getting yelled at when they are pricks if you ask me. Might lower the sudden upswing of pricks I've noticed occuring since raised voices became "bad".

So maybe he thought she was off her rocker. Here's a thought, even if she is, so what? Is that a reason for a person who is supposed to be her friend to be an ass to her? Does that mean she doesn't deserve to be afforded some basic human dignity?

There is a respectful way to present concern for someone's sanity. Trust me, if a person is really concerned about one's sanity, they had best learn it, 'coz most other ways result in defensive stances which will resist this information. I've been told I'm crazy more than one way, guess which way actually reached me?

If all they're looking at is a reason to treat someone like a freak, well, I hope they don't expect me to care that they got yelled at.

--Me

ditto on that convincing someone you're sane!! LOL

Although I agree with pengke in that yelling was not the best reaction, it was understandable. Sadly, many people don't and will never understand what you've been through or what you're going through now. However, the same could be said for pretty much anything that anyone goes through. Perhaps if you took time to calmly explain your multiplicity to your friend he would have a better reaction. If not, he's not a friend worth keeping anyway.

It starts with, your "friend"s behavior is messed up.

See, I have no opinion on your sanity, I don't know you. However, your sanity has no bearing on whether or not it's okay for him to treat you the way he did. Should his concern for your sanity be real, he could --and should-- have come up with a better way to express it.

What you're describing was extremely disrespectful on his part. Now,

pengke is correct in saying it may not convince him of your sanity. This is true, in these times, such expressions of seemingly volatile emotions, can be viewed that way. However, he's not a p-doc (and so, can't commit you), and is probably working within the pop culture framework of sanity. It may be all that's available to him right now. If so his opinion of your sanity is essentially meaningless.

Pop culture perception of "sanity" and "insanity" is so far off from the reality, that it's almost humourous, except for the emotional damage caused by a lot of the tossing around of the word "crazy".

This is not to say I agree with psychs and their perceptions of those terms at all times either.

I just want you to know this, life doesn't always have to be like that, and there may come a time where you are able to tell when someone coming off like that has something real to say, or whether or not they are talking to hear themselves talk. A lot of people do that.

This guy may come around. He may not think you are sane, but he may learn to respect you as a person anyway. Personally, I don't think you should settle for less.

Just my two cents. Actually, more like the tip of the iceberg.

--Me

Rude people bother me. I'm really sorry that happened to you. My sister is the same way towards me except I have to live with her...

What an unmitigated jackass. Didn't let you get a word in edgewise, did he? No wonder you felt you had to yell. May not have been the best thing politically, but he's poked his nose into your private business by asking you repeatedly what you're writing/drawing, so you think he might really be interested, so there you are sharing a fundamental truth about yourself with him and all he can do is tell you you're insane.

The problem with disclosure is that if he thinks you're insane he can make things pretty sticky for you with other people at your school -- even teachers. Call us paranoid, but we've heard too many horror stories from people -- especially young people -- who've disclosed to friends they thought they could trust. Maybe it was the next day, and maybe it was years down the road, that friend was going around telling other friends, teachers and even employers that the person in question had a "serious mental illness."

Telling him you were multiple because of "what you'd been through" may not have been wise either -- most people do not get that at all and it actually reinforces the "insanity" myth.

This is the third time in a week that someone has mentioned disclosing to a friend, family member or therapist and been told they were insane or psychotic. The political and social climates don't seem favourable to disclosure at present.

What can you do? Maybe the best thing is to be calm, rational, relaxed, and if anyone gives you any static, try to give the impression that it was all a big fantasy roleplaying game. You and your people know the truth, and so do we on this community.

Being 14 and in school and different sucks. I’m sorry you had a bad experience. I understand the outburst thou; I had a lot of trouble controlling my reactions in H.S. Good luck. If you want more people to talk to, friend us and we will friend you back. - Kait

That guy is an asshole, and that's all he is. But our gut reaction here would be to tell you guys to *hide*. You don't want to be "treated". Believe us you don't. Tell em you're role playing. Tell em you're writing a theater play and trying the lines out loud. Tell em anything except the truth.

(I know how important it is, wanting to be seen and accepted for what you are, and how lonely it feels not to be. But be safe first.)

This is just the way we feel, right? Not telling you what to do. But... be careful. And be well.

"That guy is an asshole, and that's all he is."

Actually, from her account, that's not accurate. He is a kid - approximately the same age as she is - and since he's her friend, it's quite possible that he's one of the nicer, more sensitive boys in the school. He cared enough to ask her about her art, and she likes him enough to confide in him, right?

Boys in Jr. High School are not noted for either their tact or their ability to deal with emotional issues of any sort. Since even the majority of educated adults think having multiple personalities is a sign of insanity, what can one expect from a teenager who's had no reason to research the topic?

I don't think it's fair to dismiss him as "nothing but an asshole" on the basis of his reported reaction to an unexpected and doubtless very alarming revelation. It's a common thing for kids to turn to their friends for help and support, forgetting that their friends are also kids, and thus have no more experience and insight than they have themselves.

I'm not advocating confiding in RT adults either, because of the danger of being "treated", but... the fact that a young boy copes poorly with a serious and unusual emotional issue doesn't make him an asshole; it just makes him a young boy.

baby girl...I'm so sorry for you upset. I really am. I wish I could've talked to you about it yesterday. I'm sorry I wasn't around.

I won't pretend to imagine that I know what you went through cos I've never had an experience like that. I don't really even remember JHS. Nonetheless...I'm sorry this happened yesterday

i don't know what to say except i'm sorry that happened :< people can be really mean and i don't blame you for acting the way you did - i prolly would've done the same thing. i think some other people here gave some really good advice like about talking with Anna about when its not ok to talk about some stuff - i had to learn that too. *hugs and good luck*

~Feral

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Coming out

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This is a very complicated issue

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