"Comming Out"

[adreamerforme.livejournal.com]

I'm not honest with most people about my multiplicity, but I'm starting to come out. Right now I've been talking to strictly other multiples about it (multiples in my life).

This is something I want to be honest about..... but the problem I'm really having is trying to figure out how we can all be ourselves around people rather than the person people have learned that I am.
That's very difficult for me..... expecialy since the person everyone knows as US isn't who any of us are. What's more, we all have different preferences on everything.

I'm bisexual (leaning towards lesbian), I don't eat meat and I can't stand candy. I'm a little frustraited, but slightly boisterous.
Lala's straight and really prefers to kinda live on candy and soda, but she also eats meat. She doesn't say much but she's pretty cynical.
Sadeyl.... I really don't know if she even has a sexuality. She's a sweet, shy, artistic little vegan.

We're all very different, even though we have our similarities (duh, right?)...... and it's hard for us to be ourselves around the group of people we know because the change between us can be so drastic. We really don't know much of what to do.


I guess I just want advice about being able to be real and honest about this.... not having to hide it but still not freaking people out.
We don't want to hide it anymore --- this is too much part of me/us...... but I don't people to freak out, worry, or beleive that we're lying (or crazy).

I'm just a little confused.

Anamyse / X-posted

Comments

[ex-memepr0g.livejournal.com]

I'm not quite so sure how to tell you anything right now, as I'm quite hazy on my own personality dynamics. I imagine it'd be pretty difficult.

[arcis.livejournal.com]

mm.. that happens as well here, like.. I eat meat, omnivore, really, but another member doesn't (or if he has his way, won't eat anything but water, milk and vitamin capsules, pfft), and sexuality is way too diverse (homosexual, bisexual, straight, not even legal age, .. even homophobe, although I know it's not sexuality.. but yea.. >.>)

um.. we take middle road. we say that's we're omnivore but has 'moments' that we would 'prefer' something and the other time don't, it's really easier to just not use labels *nodnod (and about sexuality, we say that we're bisexual, the homophobe can freak out on himself >D)

if you've decide to coming out, though, probably it'd be easier for them to understand the 'change' ^^ if they really accept you being many, I don't see why they would have problems with you being yourself, ever changing as it is.

good luck :D

- Oz

[shandra.livejournal.com]

Well you can either hide it, shrug it off like "I'm having a vegan day" or "I feel like eating junk today" or whatever, or come out.

I went for about 3 years where we were generally vegetarian (Lyria's choice) but I would occasionally sneak off with one of the people I was out with for a huge steak dinner at the Keg. So. :-) I think if you don't espouse a food style but just eat without comment, it's not too hard... the only downside is if other people are cooking for you. So taking over the cooking is one way to control for that, and then you can make vegan meals, or vegan meals + meat for other person without having to actually say "no! don't put that ham on my plate!"

Our experience with coming out is if you're /not/ prepared for disbelief, etc. don't come out. If you feel grounded and ready to deal with that potential reaction, then it's a better time.

Good luck. :)

[cirquels.livejournal.com]

only two people in our life know about us. everyone else who i love thinks im 'normal' and that i just am 'strange'. my boyfriend whom i live with just thinks im bipolar or something, even though ive tried telling him many times.

im weary about telling people. but id say find a couple of people who you honesty feel you can trust, and just come out with it. see how they respond, and maybe move from there. i am slowly 'comming out' as well. hell, if i was gay - that would be ten times easier for me haha. but yeah. id say go slow, dont blow everyones minds at first. heh.

[jenilee-dreams.livejournal.com]

Here are some past and recent discussions I've found on this topic in the Memories. I chose some of the better entries.

http://community.livejournal.com/multiplicity/422070.html
http://community.livejournal.com/multiplicity/501370.html
http://community.livejournal.com/multiplicity/460678.html
http://community.livejournal.com/multiplicity/413746.html
http://community.livejournal.com/multiplicity/410070.html
http://community.livejournal.com/multiplicity/385168.html
http://community.livejournal.com/multiplicity/273021.html
http://community.livejournal.com/multiplicity/251042.html
http://community.livejournal.com/multiplicity/213923.html
http://community.livejournal.com/multiplicity/132625.html
http://community.livejournal.com/multiplicity/88252.html

I hope this helps some to see other viewpoints and experiences. :)

[thehumangame.livejournal.com]

Well, when I really care about someone, I'm willing to not push them. I'll reveal details s l o w l y over the course of years. Don't make them deal with more things when they're not used to the first things yet, etc. Also, paradoxically, sometimes you have to be secure enough not to need acceptance in order to get it. What I mean is, you have to not get discouraged by initial bad or neutral reactions. They don't really mean people won't accept it in the long term, once they've had a year or more to get used to it. Patience is a virtue.

Also, it's generally better just to mention multiplicity matter-of-factly, in the middle of other topics, instead of making a big production of I'm Coming Out Here's My Secret Please Accept Me. Most of my offline friends are on LiveJournal too so that made it really easy to just present it in a non-threatening manner at first, where they didn't have to deal with it if they didn't want to. I didn't expect them to respond to any of it but I knew it'd help them get used to it.

~j

[adreamerforme.livejournal.com]

We're actualy all looking forwards to it. Sadeyl doesn't much mind playing the part of someone else (I think that's because she's generaly shy to begin with), but Anamyse and I are getting sick and tired of it.
We'd like to not have to pull off being different people than who we are.... because we all have very different perferences and personalities.

Me, personaly. I'm so rather.... erm ANNOYED.... that even Anamyse - the main fronter - is putting on an act (the way we act outside is reasonably much different then how we all are inside). As well, I don't front much anymore BECAUSE I have to play a part.... but I rather like the experience of fronting.

Much of what we show outside is, as you say, fabricated..... and it's just getting kind of emotionaly/mentaly bothersome/stressful on us as well as the body (I think it's the chemicals the brain gives off while reading out emotions of being stressed ---- we tend to get pretty tired).
I just don't think it's benifital to us anymore to hide this as much as we do.

[gryphons.livejournal.com]

Hmm.. yeah.. it can be a big.. and really scary decision.. the only place we aren't open about being plural is at work.. cause well.. 1)we live in the south 2) work with people who.. believe everything they see in soap operas/tv.

For us it was easier to tell some people we trusted (our closest friends) see how that went and go from there.. Or if people asked why certain things changed so much.. we were honest..

but it's scary and very difficult dance to pull off at times.

[exsillium-nocte.livejournal.com]

I'm out with my closest friends and girl friend, and that's about it. However, once when I was on a school trip to New York, someone else made an appearance, and I was accused of drinking from the minibar in our room... Long story short, I was kind of forced to come out to my room mates and the two teachers who were chaperoning the trip. Though the teachers seemed to completely dismiss it at a lie, the room mates actually seemed pretty cool and accepting of it. I guess what I'm saying is, you'd be surprised how understanding people can be (if they believe).

... And for clarification, no one drank from the minibar; the maid left brought in some empty bottles from the other room and forgot to take them away.