multiplicity_archives | Ever wish you could freeze a moment and then smash it out of existance?

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coming out vs staying closeted

Ever wish you could freeze a moment and then smash it out of existance?

I just came out publicly in my journal. And I am scared shitless.

I am the least qualified to have done this, but I am the most confused by everything. I lose years of my life and need to be brought up to speed (after an adequate freaking out phase) everytime I come forward.

My memories stop at age 16... this body is now 24, almost 25.

The husband made the joke "Could be worse, you could be like 10 second Tom" I had no idea what he was talking about, so he sat down and watched 50 first dates... he had rented it as a joke with S.R., and they had a laugh over it. But all it did was make me cry... because that pretty much is how life is for me.

I'm sure you've seen this journal name in here before, apparently I've been a member before.

Anyway, my point was, it is now public knowledge...

What were your experiences "coming out" like?

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*(hugs)*

I still haven't come out. I'm very worried about doing it.

The only people who know about my multiplicity are those who are also multiple themselves. I'm so glad you were able to come out about this to the people in your life.

My coming out experience... phew. My family isn't the most openminded bunch, though they claim to be.

My mom cried because she thought it meant We were messed up and needed to be hospitalized, my stepdad doesn't believe multiplicity exists (as well as a lot of things)... but my friends, my soul-family, they were all very understanding, and hell, some of them knew and said "Oh yeah, I knew that already." I was very lucky in that aspect. I don't much care for my blood family anyway, so it's too bad.

I hope that things get easier for you. You've done the hardest part already :)

-Us

it was weird for me. I lost 95% of the people I thought were friends. I still do sometimes. But I do well at hiding it from people i don't want to know so it's ok. COngratulations on your BIG step. We should talk sometime. I'm 22 = )

Apparently my ex, and current husband know and accept it. My family all did the "you're faking, it's not real, I don't care what the doctor said...don't you ever mention it again"

I found a written journal, and have been reading through it, it seems like no one (3-D wise) has ever really said anything and just figured I was just really wierd. Or have just chosen to ignore it. The people who I was most nervous about their reactions, still haven't replied, eith in journal, or otherwise. That makes me very nervous.

Alot of my friends know and my last three boyfriends knew. I still havent told my family yet though. I don't know if I will ever be able to. My brother and sister know with out really knowing if that makes sense. they know I am different "people" some times but they don't know the name. They are 14 and 12 years younger than me I just turned 27 :( ...My mom I think does know but she is ignoring it just like she ignored what happened to me. The people that mean the most to me in this life know and that is all that matters.
I congradulate you on comming out. I admire your courage it is not an easy step.
Fell free to talk to me some time (I am also on MSN and Yahoo). :)

And anyone who would like to speak with me about it, feel free to add me, and I'll return the favor. Or email me...whichever works best.

"The husband made the joke "Could be worse, you could be like 10 second Tom"

man, that is a pretty fucked up thing to say... really, i think that a lot of folks just don't even think before talking... just make a joke (about things that should *not* be poked fun at) and then roll their eyes if we dare to be hurt by their remarks...

as for our coming-out experiences, i really hate to say it but there is no way to predict how a singlet will take it...

all you can do is just remember that you are not obligated to reveal anything to anyone...

when you *do* tell other people your information, only do it when you want to and when you feel safe to do so...

hugs
Juju & Co.

i see why you think that was insensitive. keep in mind diff ppl deal with things in diff ways. some cry, some laugh or make jokes & others idappear when they encounter info they find threatening or scary.

its possible he said that as a joke to cover discomfort.

give him the benefit of the doubt.

tatiana

They never give singles the benefit of the doubt.

I do. I'm part of a multiple system. Lots of multiples have too many bad experiences w/singlets to do so though. I know one of My House mates, El, dislikes singlets far more than anyone else here. She rarely gives singlets a chance and I do not blame Her considering how shes been treated in the past.

Shrugs, btw you're doing as she did: generalizing. Goes both ways.

Tatiana

What was "comming out" like, scary. I wasn't sure how people would react, was terrified they'd all freak. But it turned out most of my friends were really supportive, one or two pooh-pooh'd it, but We're still friends with them (simply don't discuss the topic with them). My family sort of nodded and the ignored it in the hope that it would just go away (much as they do anything "troubling").

Both my partners' reactions were something like, "Oh. ... now that you mention it, that explains some stuff."

Aside from that, my coming out has mostly been talking about stuff on LJ, and the primary effect of that is all my friends who I didn't know were multiple coming out to me.

Well, in the offline world, only my Mother and my brother know(^our father does not, because ^we know he'd react very badly). They both reacted... okay at the time, I think, but gradually they've started to treat ^us like a singlet, and they are mostly ignoring the way ^we are. The rest of ^our offline family/friends do not know, and ^we don't really feel the need to tell them. Online, the only people who know, pretty much, are those ^we know are okay with healthy multiplicity (both multiples and singlets).

BTW, you don't usually have to use the ^ sign when talking among other multiples :) I was part of the group which originated that, and it was mostly meant to be for things like clearing up conclusion when talking to non-multiples-- we-as-system vs. we meaning our family or a greater group we belong to.

Oh, okay, thanks :) It's sort of gotten into a bit of a habit ^_^;;

Ironically, we're out just about everywhere -except- to our family. We have a suspicion they would take it very badly because thanks to bad publicity and crappy TV movies, people often tend to take "I'm multiple" as an insinuation that you were molested, and we suspect they may jump to assume we're accusing them.

If you want to see the coming-out post Azusa did in her journal, though, I can email it to you.

For me, everyone knows except my places of work :P which was interesting the other day when I injured us quite painfully while chopping pumpkin and I was very close to switching several times over the next hour. Apparently we did slip once or twice but no one was paying attention to us at the time, and Jessiah is probably the most able to act like me without having to try, as long as he's not having a conversation.

Chris

I wish I knew. My partner came out for me. I had to be told, remember, that I was a multiple. Had that moment of the lightbulb going on, where I started thinking, 'Oh, so that's why I have blackouts and missing time and keep "coming to" in strange places...'

Granted, I haven't told everyone in my life yet, but those I feel capable of understanding, I have told. And to a person, they either disbelieve, but humor me, or are baffled, and immediately dismiss it. Very strange.

funny you should ask. we came out to a client/friend yesterday and she didn't get it when we tried to say "more than one mind". "you mean like a split personality?" aarxbgp;lghhbzwczxh. she was not following it at all. and we've been so careful to act the singlet around her, it's no wonder. part of the problem was probably the way we tried to explain it and word choice. jay ended up telling her he did a sort of channeling but that the "spirits" in question were not higher consciousness entities but only people like herself... like old-fashioned spiritualism where you talk to uncle fred.

we have had people get it in the past though, and not think we were either going to climb on bookcases or spin our head around and spit pea soup.

We're out to most of our friends, much of our family (mostly in-laws but some bio-family), and some of our coworkers. We intend to continue coming out in the future.

Coming out in a huge way "sit down, I have to tell you something" has had mixed results for us - usually a period of skepticism (not always) but as long as we've made the effort to keep doing regular stuff with whoever it is, it's calmed down. (Also to be as unflaky as possible - not perfect, but not miss appointments or stuff like that.)

Expecting people to automagically understand accept multiplicity is a lot to ask. So there are sometimes losses. The more matter of fact we've been it seems, the better it has tended to work out. Leading up to it helps too rather than dropping the bombshell, in our experience.

Overall I would say about 20-25% of people have not taken it well - about half of those have walked, and the other half pretty much pretend we never said anything.

However what we have gained is a much more authentic voice and a way to stop - well - lying to people, or covering up things we think they might find "weird." And in the long run so, so much more energy and joy has come into our lives.

With your husband - that is hard, but I'm sure he doesn't understand how hurtful it was or he wouldn't have done it. I suspect what he's saying is "I see you as fully competent and wonderful." Keep talking to him and hope he does start to get it.

Shandra

Coming out in a huge way "sit down, I have to tell you something" has had mixed results for us

That's actually why we decided to adopt a strategy of coming out semi-casually-- on the level that someone might say "oh, by the way, I'm gay." We came to feel that making a big, serious deal out of telling someone you're multiple perpetuates the impression that it's something shameful and unpleasant, nothing you can tell someone with pride and a smile. We are not ashamed of what we are.

The one problem is that people indoctrinated in crappy TV ideas of what multiplicity is, think that if we could admit to it that casually we 'must' be faking for attention, because 'real' multiples never tell you they are and they also can't ever figure out they're multiple on their own and they would never tell you so casually because everyone knows it's gasp such a horrible life-destroying illness! >< On the other hand, if someone's determined to hold that view of plurality, we think we'd rather not have them as a friend.

Though it does also depend on who you're coming out to, yes. We prefer to be casual when coming out with friends, but I can see how if we were ever forced to come out to an employer or relative, we might want to take it a little more seriously-- we'd just somehow want to convey in our manner that we don't see anything wrong with being how we are.

We have never had anyone outright call us a liar, but we have had some grow very standoffish and begin disconnecting from us, and continue to insist on calling us by whatever name they knew us by when they first met us. So yeah, we can say we've lost some friends over it-- just subtly, but it makes us sad all the same.

that's lucky for you. for me, the first time was last year, Dat (who was the boss-in-charge until a few days ago when he quit) was talking to some friends, I can't remmeber which happened first but he was getting sensitive everytime they implied things and they were getting fed up with him being touchy, so it didn't go well. He came across as a bit of a b-stard, took some alone time for a couple of months, came back and things are largely better now. We did lose friends though. Some support us, some insist we're lying and accuse us of it behind my back (said it to Dat and lil eri, and also when none of us were present, but never to me who they assume is the only "real" person here). It hurts. We're getting used to it though.

this systems people have lost friends & such too over this issue of being multiple.

personally i do not care about the outside worlds singlets at large. i have little use for most of them unless they are willing to at least respect that i am as real as they are. if they do that much, i'm willing ot educate, help, laugh with & share their company.

what else is there...? you get on with life & make it as pleasant as possible.

T

personally i do not care about the outside worlds singlets at large. i have little use for most of them unless they are willing to at least respect that i am as real as they are. if they do that much, i'm willing ot educate, help, laugh with & share their company.

*nods* This is very true. I have a lot of singlet friends, being the one who deals with them most, and they are special to me, but the ones who couldn't handle it all I'm doing fine without. My best friends are the ones who acknowledge and accept it, my best friend always knows what's going on in the system, asks how people are doing when they've been having a rough time, today one of the littles made her first phone call ever so she could tell him about the snow we had today.

The friend who had been attacking us, however, the kids dismiss as "norty" and then forget about, and the older ones sort of frown and ignore him. lol

my best friend always knows what's going on in the system, asks how people are doing when they've been having a rough time, today one of the littles made her first phone call ever so she could tell him about the snow we had today.

Hold on to friends like that, they're worth their weight in gold. I have one, she's the first person who believed my story, need people like that around :)

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Ever wish you could freeze a moment and then smash it out of existance?

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