multiplicity_archives | (no subject)

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discovery,
naming

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Wow. I really hope that I don't offend anyone by being here, and please forgive my use of terms because they might not be completely correct.

I don't actually have multiple personalities (that I'm aware of), but the main reason that I joined the community is because the subject fascinates me, and I would love to learn more about it. Who better to ask than those that have first hand experience with it right?

One question I have in particular would be how did you (your core identity) figure out/discover there were more identities? I have lots of questions other than that but I don't like to bombard people I haven't gotten to know yet, with tons of questions. I think it's a bit rude. Thanks. :)

- Kae <3

Edit: Here's another question for everyone. Where did the names of the identities in your systems come from? (Those that have names anyways) I don't really know how to word that, because I am aware that not all names are made up, but just are. If that makes sense.

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Hiya and welcome :)

Well, to answer your first question, it's one of those things that I'm sure varies from System to System.

For Our System, there were always hints and such since We were very little. (We started splitting at three years old..) My mom always said I was a "multi-facetted" child. Heh. Anyway, big pointers were lots of missing time, lost memories, blacking out and then my friends telling me what "I" had been saying/doing in the meantime, actually hearing "voices" and things like that. It was hard at first, lots of denial and all of that. Then problems with people not wanting to cooperate with each other and stuff. The fighting and conflict itself was a sign that We were different people all in one body.

Finally We started having more co-conscious. We could talk to eachother and figure out where We all fit in. Nowadays, We are highly co-conscious and there's absolutely no question as to whether or now We're multiple.

I guess you could say that I am the "host" of Our System. I'm not the "original", but I've been the most dominant person (as far as who is Out the most) for the last four or five years. It's strange, but for me it was the hardest to accept new people in the System, or the fact that I could be multiple. It seems like almost all the people in Our System who came out later (or even came out before I was around and then came back or whatever) already new about the others and how We were all multiple.

Anyway, welcome and feel free to ask any questions you have. :)

~Ash
of the ShadowEchoes

How many are there in your system?

I don't know about a "core identity," but we first started to figure out that we weren't all the same singular person when we realized one of us was a dinosaur. :)

He had previously been an "imaginary friend." But then he started writing in our journal. So... it progressed from that.

Damon claims he's always known, but I'm not sure I believe him.

Mar

There are about 60 that are known (including kids, fragments, and Spirits), not all are active currently, and not all of them come Out (some prefer to stay inside). We know that there are more in the "back" though, that We just haven't met yet.

~Ash

Heh, sorry just had to comment about one of your system members being a dinosaur - almost all of the people in Our system are therianthropes, meaning of having an animal spirit. Two of Our members are dinosaurs as well, Rhydan (she's a utahraptor-spirit) and Daleri (she's a deinonychus-spirit). (Rhydan also has an inner system of her own that is composed of all dinosaur-spirits.)

~Ash

Doesn't it get confusing? How do you keep track of everyone?

It started with hearing voices, and having conversations with them, for as long as I can remember. It wasn't until at least a decade later that I realized this wasn't normal... I figured out there was actually other people there after talking to other multiples on a self-injury mailing list. And, of course, there were the reactions of people on the outside. My mother was a lovely example of this: "Why did your voice change? Why are you talking like that?? Do you have multiple personalities???" This made me think that being a multiple was an awful horrid thing, and so I was in denial about until recently.

We don't really have a core identity. I (Elmira-Arimle) had been the frontrunner (the person doing most of the day-to-day business) for about three years before we discovered our plurality. We are median -- somewhere in between multiple and single -- we are distinct people all sharing one consciousness. We can act as the consciousness, all identifying as the consciousness, pooling our resources, or we can act as the consciousness being driven by one particular member -- this is what's going on about 80% of the time. The other 20% of the time we all just identify as the consciousness, and this is very, very tiring and the source of lots of angst. Only very rarely do we have one person out and nobody else -- and it only happens with one particular sort of dysfunctional person, who is really less of a person and more of a fragment. (Or maybe I just don't want to acknowledge her because it brings up things in our past I want to pretend never happened? Perhaps.)

How did I discover there were more people inside? That's sort of a hard question (especially since it happened so recently). I found an empowered multiplicity site online (Astraea's Web, in fact) and after reading it, wondered if it might not be applicable to me, especially to this one particular part of me who I had been thinking of as my "alter ego" and who had occasionally come out and talked with people. And so I tried talking with her and, lo and behold, she talked back, and was quite pleased to be acknowledged.

Sometimes it is confusing, but it's easier to keep track of when it's you - if that makes any sense (I can keep track of my System much better than I can keep track of my girlfriend's System for example).

In a way it's like keeping track of 60 friends/classmates/coworkers or something. And the ones you see the most, you're most familiar with. For example, I don't interact with the System kids very much, so I have trouble remembering some of them. Feral however, plays with the kids inside all the time, and knows all of them and always remembers everything about them.

~Ash

How do you know who you are (if that makes any sense)... like when you are switching identities? I bet I'm making it sound more complicated than it really is. So many questions. Does everyone have their own set of memories, because you said that Feral interacts with all of the kids on the inside on a regular basis so he knows them all, but you (Ash) don't... sorry for all the questions, it's just so interesting.

Our "core identity" has always been fluid. (If any such exists, which is . . . not necessarily a good model.)

When I was about fourteen I found out about Wicca and thought of taking a craft name. I found a name that suited me, and immediately came away with the impression that yes, that was a good name, but that wasn't all that was there. So I spent a while coming up with more names until I was satisfied that I had all the names I needed. (I wasn't right about having everyone, but the aspect I missed hasn't been particularly active before the last few years.)

For the next ten years or so I tagged occasional things as associating with one of those names or another, on the occasions that one or another was speaking clearly as themselves and that information was relevant. It never occurred to me to imagine myself as anything other than singlet over the course of this time, because I'm terribly dim.

I got onto usenet about four years ago, and encountered a couple of functional plural systems, specifically

netdancer. Netdancer& (usually, I believe, ^Ken) talked about their plurality a fair amount, and that gave me something to think about.

More time went by. And I had something terribly strange happen -- I was in a state of mind that I'd always associated with a particular one of those names. Stormy is . . . really very strongly emotional, with the sort of emotional stuff that comes with a lot of adrenaline, the sort of thing that it takes a while to come down off and stop jittering. I realised I was hyperventilating, paid a moment of attention to it, and . . . shifted. It was like none of that biochemistry was there, it was something that belonged to someone else, some other body. No shut down, no jitters, no exhaustion, just *flick*.

I wrote to

netdancer and asked from some advice about what one or another of them had referred to as 'singtuples'. Got pointers to a few median and midcontinuum writeups and resources. Went from there.

Most of the time it's very clear cut - We're all individuals, and all unique. Some of Us are alike in a lot of ways, but We're all different at least somewhat. It's always easy for Us to tell who we are when there's just one person out. Just like if I asked you who you were, you could easily answer that you are Kae. If you ask me, I could easily answer that I'm Ash. Ask me tomorrow and I might easily answer Bones though. ;) Sometimes We co-front, which is basically more than one person being Out at the same time, and usually it's some sort of merge of interests. Hmm, it's hard to explain the sensation really. Say for example Feral and I are co-fronting, it'll usually be me being very silly and hyper like she is, but still mature enough to stay in control or be able to joke about adult topics. There have been times when it's hard for Us to tell who all is Out - sometimes I think it just gets all fuzzy when there are too many people co-fronting, and sometimes I think it is people joining in that We don't know yet.

As far as memories go, most people have their own memories that are added to the Collective Memory. Everyone can access the Collective Memory (although some things are restricted to some people, for example adult-topic memories are not accessable by the kids or Feral.) Some things are left out though, for several different reasons - some things are personal, some things don't want to be remembered by everyone, some things are trivial. Sometimes We share the memories, but little things are different about them, or the perspective is different (like seeing the memories in third person - where you watch yourself/your body in the memory instead of viewing the memory through your eyes).

Don't worry about asking questions, I don't mind answering ;)

~Ash

That's one thing that I find a little strange... you called me Kae... because I signed Kae and that's the name in my info and the name that I use daily... but it's not my name. Except it's almost like I have an entire 'image' or something associated with that name. My real name is Jennifer but I don't really like it (sometimes), and I am most certain that I would answer to the name Kae if I was called that outloud. I sometimes even act differently (especially lately)... it's all a little wierd.

Would you answer to an alt's name?... or would one of them come out if someone asked to speak to them directly?

Well, We've found that sometimes We have to answer to other people's names, even if We don't all like it. ;) In general, We all answer to the body name "Janna" (especially me) although some of the males in Our system are less fond of it. :P Most of Us have become accustomed to answering to "Ash" in person as well. Some of Us get more annoyed by being called the wrong name than others - this past October We went to a big campout and came out as being multiple to all of Our friends. One of my close friends told Kaylona that he was just going to call her Ash anyway, because it was easier for him, and of course she got really pissed. (Especially since he knew she wasn't me, but was just being arrogant.)

~Ash

That's really rude. I would have kicked them.

on keeping track of people:

name 20 people you know. name 60. heck, name 100. 500, if you like. it's not that hard, but it can be confusing sometimes, such as when the information on a certain person is split up amongst several people, but once you get all your ducks in a row, you know who people are. this works inside and out, for multiples and singletons. if i don't have all the filing systems open and cooperation of the people inside to help me place people inside and out, i'd forget who my school principle is and whether it's turtle or eeyore who's gone and locked themselves in their rooms again. but simply acknowledging different people and basic information about them is just another ability. one that all of us (not system-us, but everyone-reading-this-us) either already have or are working to develope.

the answer to your question, though, would be a big fat, "i don't know."

i'm not really the core (core? what core?), or even related to the original. i don't really know how the earlier version decided there was more than one of us. even before the first split i know of, there were two people here that i know of, and i don't know anything before that. and nobody else that would know is forthcoming with their answers. bah.

in any case, i don't mind answering your questions. at least when i've got answers. :) i'm not really a part of this community, though. i don't post, just lurk. ::waves to the rest of the community:: hi.

m.eve

Well, Ash said I wasn't allowed to physically harm him, but I did get him back. ;)

We had a naming ceremony later and I (half-jokingly) named him TalksLotsaShit, and it's still his nickname in our tribe. ^_^

~Kay

Nicely done.

I like your name! It's said the same as mine. ^-^

Well, the way you use core identity sounds like you either mean the real person or the main person.

If you mean the real person, we're all real. It doesn't really matter who came first or last or who might have created someone else. We're still all real people.

If you mean the main person, you've got to understand that not every system works that way. A lot of systems have a lot of different people that handle all of the day to day affairs and there isn't just one person doing everything. Even systems that aren't aware that they're multiple don't always have the same people using the body and doing things. A lot of systems went through a few years or months where one person did everything then someone else took over for a few months or years so the main person changed over time.

We can't remember a time when we weren't multiple. We talked to each other and played together as children. We did have someone that ended up running the body alone for a long time and she forgot about the rest of us. We still knew we were multiple though. She just needed to be reminded. She describes it as being like when you know about something but don't really know that you know. I don't know.

Oh, I'm supposed to give you these links.

http://www.tanuki.cx/pavilion/
http://www.kitsune.cx/blackbirds/layman/
http://www.astraeasweb.net/plural/

Ummm... first of all, I'm not a "core identity". I'm the one who's corporeal for all purposes of interacting with other people. Your question seems odd to me - it's like asking "how did you figure out/discover that you have siblings?". I don't remember either the birth of my brother-in-the-flesh or the first appearance of the 'brothers' who share my own body; in both cases, seems like they've just always been around.
.

Totally OT: you guys have the coolest icons. Is it your own art?

Unfortunately, no, We're not that talented at art. :P Almost all of Our icons are avatars from the graphical chats we go on that were drawn for Us, ones that We bought, or freebies that We had colored for Us. Our girlfriend(s) drew some of them too. Out of all Our icons, the only one drawn by any of Us Rhydan's "angry" icon which she drew herself. A couple are also portraits from Furcadia.

If there's a particular icon you have in mind, I can let you know who drew it - We've been pretty lazy about crediting Our icons on this System journal, Our private journals are more conscious about crediting things properly though.

Thanks for the compliments though :)

~Ash

She describes it as being like when you know about something but don't really know that you know.

ooh. yeah. exactly. (then once you know what you know, you just know that you can't know what you're knowing, so you end up torn between knowing what you didn't know you knew and not knowing anything at all. er, sorry. couldn't resist.)

Well, as far as I can tell we don't have a "core identity" in the sense of the person born into the body. As far as I can tell she is gone. The rest of us came later. If however you mean "person who fronts/has the body most often" then that would probably be me. I figured out the whole Multiplicity thing about 6 years ago, when chatting to someone online who was also Multiple, and realising that their experiences matched mine in many ways. I then chatted to a few more and found more similarities. Prior to that, I had taken a "new-age" kind of approach, and believed that these voices I was talking to were channelled spirits or something like that. Even now, I still think the line is very blurred. Some of us really are channelled spirits.

As for "keeping track of everyone" it's not really any different from keeping track of external friends. The ones I spend most time with are the ones I know the best.

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