girlfriend trouble

[zamisista.livejournal.com]

we are looking for girlfriend advice.

we are the little ones and we would like a girlfriend. but everyone in here doesn't agree on what we like. the big one seems to like butch women, or else she wants to just be alone and not have girlfriend trouble. we want someone kind and gentle who smells nice and wears pretty colors. then there is JD, he is a boy and he didn't really like the girlfriends the big one always choses for us. he would like a really sexy girlfriend, or as he says, a hot chick. but he is having trouble figuring out how to date someone using the body we have (which is female). he really doesn't like using this body. before he thought he had a male body, but then our last therapist said to look at our body and he saw it was female and after that he stopped liking to come out at all.

our last two girlfriends were multiple so there were different people inside for us all to get along with. but the first one had a resident who was a gambling addict and she wasn't very healthy and didn't acknowledge being multiple. our life with her was too chaotic. the second one had a really mean resident who used to be mean to little ones, so we had to get rid of her.

we haven't had a girlfriend in a year and a half and we are getting worried about how we can ever find someone who we all like. we are scared to date a singleton because we don't know how she would react to us and we don't know how one person would keep us all interested. if you are little ones in a big body, when do you introduce yourself to someone you want to date? do you let the adult member who is mostly out be the only one to talk to her at first? but then won't she just be having a relationship with the big one?

can anyone share experiences and dating tips?
thank you!!
the little ones

Comments

[gryphons.livejournal.com]

Hello,
Dating can be truly difficult.. at least so we have found.. we are fortunate, that we have several different relationships with different outside people.Having relationships with several outside bodies can be difficult, but it is the best option we have found for us.

Most of our little ones aren't that interested in romantic relationships, but we've been up front with all our current partners about being plural.Most of them knew before we developed romantic relationships, but we made sure. Usually the introduction/subject is brought up by a guardian, and then as things are discussed things develop. (though it was rather um.. different and much quicker with our girlfriends/Lady/friends, almost scarily so).

The ones who are interested in romantic relationships are able to pursue them(as long as they clear it with everyone else first), those who aren't.. do what they can to develop friendships with those whom we are involved with. (with three of our partners, it's really easy)
hope this helps.. tried to keep it short
-Amira

[kangetsuhime.livejournal.com]

If we had children who were underage, we would not let them date. Period.

If we find somebody who me and Lu like, we're lucky. We don't bother trying to find someone everybody likes, because that's more or les impossible. Unless your system and whatever partner you find are comfortable with poly relationships, some people are going to have to 'go without' if they don't like who they got.

It may be worth noting that some people (I know I would) would find it quite insulting if they thought they were dating an individual and found out they were dating several people. I would clarify that as soon as possible. We do not involve more than one of us in relationships unless it is absolutely clear, and everybody (including the partner) is absolutely ok with it.


Typically, we have Lu with her fiance, I date (more or less) who I want seperately, and anybody else in here who decides they want a partner can get stuffed. That sounds cruel, but we wouldn't tolerate anybody jeapordising our engagement and stability. We very much go by what the fiance allows, though we do suggest he try to 'grow' to accomodate us.

[shandra.livejournal.com]

The thing about dating is that if you're just looking for someone to fill a role - "girlfriend" - your chances of ending up with someone that's not quite right go up.

The best thing is just to get to know a lot of people in a non-romantic way, because then you have a lot of people to enjoy spending time with, and if one happens to be the right one you'll figure it out eventually.

I have to second comments about children dating. Every system is different of course and the term child or little can be a little fuzzy. But for me and us, if someone identifies as a child, there is a reason they think they are one, and children should not be dating adults. It's just a very big boundary issue for us.

Also we have found that people who /want/ to date system children often are just plain creepy (not always; I know of some exceptions) and they want the admiration/powerless dynamic more than a healthy, equal relationship.

What that means for you, kids, is that someone who wants to date you might not be the best person to date. Which I know is hard.

I wonder what the adults in your system are thinking about a girlfriend. I also was wondering what you want from a girlfriend and whether you can find that in other ways.

dating

[zamisista.livejournal.com]

hi everyone
we are little but we still would like a girlfriend because we like to cuddle. the big one said that we are not allowed to cuddle with our friends because one time we did cuddle a friend and then she thought she should be girlfriends with the big one. and it was a bit too much trouble. but anyway we would like a girlfriend to cuddle and to be nice to us. JD (he is the big boy) usually takes care of "you know what"... so we don't do that. just because we are little doesn't mean we don't like having a girlfriend. our last girlfriend was multiple and she had littles too!

the big one is listening in and trying to work out the best thing to do. we used to have different girlfriends at the same time but we don't do that anymore so everyone has to share or else do without. we are at the front sharing with the big one a lot nowadays so we want to share the person we/she dates.

the big one wouldn't let us date someone creepy, nor would JD.

we like the idea of getting to know different people and seeing if we really like someone specially. we can help the big one decide who to date. someone JD will like too.

little ones can be very smart you know.

the little ones
J System

Re: dating

[kangetsuhime.livejournal.com]

Your intelligence is not in question, don't worry. The question is age. People to cuddle is one thing, but when you say 'girlfriend' you are implying such things as kissing and sexual contact. That is what people will assume you want if you ask them to date you.

Lu was sexually mature and of high intelligence when she was in her very early teens. It would have been extremely innapropriate for her to have had sexual relations. Adults don't generally feel comfortable in relationships where sex is forbidden due to the other party being underage. That's a generalisation, but a fairly valid one.

If you want the adults' girlfriend to cuddle with you, that is one thing. I wasn't dating Lu's fiance, but I still got company, hugs, etc as I wished. He knew not to take it further. If you insist on dating then you blur that line.


Personally, I think the final decision is up to the adults in the system, not you. If you're not of a legal age, then while your desires are ofc very important, they are essentially your caregivers, and it's up to them to make sure that your openness, good nature, and yes indeed your intelligence, are not abused. Being in an adult body makes it very easy for partners to forget how young you are, especially if you are bright.

I know that I personally will be keeping those in here on a very tight leash until they're legal.