Intro

[fayanora.livejournal.com]

I'm not really good with intros, but I'll try.

I am a great many things. Pagan, transgendered (but not transsexual), Otherkin, strange age identity issues, and now, apparently, multiplicitous.

Actually, I've known I was multiplicitous for years now. But I think I may be unique here in that I'm fairly sure I was one being until about 1999. That was my year from hell, in which (among other things) I tried to rid myself of something I didn't like about myself through denial, and ended up fracturing myself. But unlike MPD or DID, I don't have blackouts. My personalities all seem to share both mind and body (including memories) equally, almost like a nation of telepaths. I think that we share so much because the attempted removal of said aspect of self was a complete failure... we created an agressive personality from that experience, but it was an incomplete personality (I would call it a frankie, which is a term from "Kiln People" by David Brin... a frankenstein copy of one's self, a chimera of sorts). Luckily, through acceptance and love, we re-integrated it into the whole... but continued to be "fractured."

Up until a few days ago, I tried convincing myself that they were like imaginary friends in my head. And they are, in a way... in that, I can create new ones when I want to. But the old ones tend to stick around unless they decide to "die." One in particular, my Goddess of many names (sometimes Shao'Kehn, other times Djao'Kain or Shoikin or Zyao'HKehn, etc), seems to have nested permanently in my head, and is always there for advice giving and reminders and to answer questions.

But there are others:

1. Alexander (or Tristan, which is my given name), my masculine side. (I am a male, but I feel much more female.)
2. Fayanora (Fay), my feminine side.
3. Molly Elizabeth - my inner child, a blond haired little girl who says she's seven and affects a younger voice than that. (Replacing many l's and r's with w's.)
4. Various others who talk or argue (usually amicably) amongst themselves, but have not given themselves names. (Who, by the way, have made me take ten minutes to figure out if there's anything I left out of this list, constantly editing and re-editing it before... okay, we get the picture!)

Yet, because we share so much, we tend to not care what names we're addressed by. This is probably because most of us blend together so much that it's often hard to tell which one is speaking at any given time, and often we speak collectively. The only exception being that Molly Elizabeth jealously guards her name... and has her own way of speaking. :-)

Does anyone have anything similar?

Bright Blessings;
---Tristan Alexander Arts/Fayanora

Comments

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Yeah, some of what you said is how I found out my ha ha "imaginary friends" were people, and we have always had communication, which is why I didn't believe for years that they could be. I believed all the Sybil tripe.

Read back through the archived posts, several other people on this community have had the same thing or close to it. Welcome.

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

We did the whole "oh, there are other people in my head, but they're just imaginary friends" business for a while. It was the same old thing-- we figured if it was "real" multiplicity then the "host" wouldn't have known about them, and even if she did, they ought to be constantly fighting for dominance rather than being friendly with each other, and keeping memories of trauma that the "host" knew nothing about. Etcetera.

One in particular, my Goddess of many names (sometimes Shao'Kehn, other times Djao'Kain or Shoikin or Zyao'HKehn, etc), seems to have nested permanently in my head, and is always there for advice giving and reminders and to answer questions.

...Out of curiosity, have you ever read the book I Never Promised You A Rose Garden? I disagreed only with the author's conclusion (it was really her own story, fictionalised a bit to obscure identifying details) that the others were a form of 'insanity' that she had to give up in order to live a stable life.

Yet, because we share so much, we tend to not care what names we're addressed by. This is probably because most of us blend together so much that it's often hard to tell which one is speaking at any given time, and often we speak collectively.

We tend to co-run a lot, in the sense that someone is rarely wholly at front without someone else co-fronting, commenting or observing. That was an aspect of our operating system we thought was "defective" for a long time, because so many of the books we'd read made it sound like multiplicity was about people "taking turns being singlet." It's just the way we work, though-- often posts can be co-written here, but the person who's most present or closest to the front puts their name on it.

[saturniakitty.livejournal.com]

Multiplicitous <3

[screamingshiva.livejournal.com]

We went through almost the same exact transformation when michael was about 15 in 1994... we didn't have any trauma or anything... just one day michael the first name given to the body decided he didn't like who he was... and put his darker self into one name... and his "good" self into another name... and thus the split was the result ... eventually the "darker" self was cast out of the body... and was only recently let back in as well... I would go into details but it could take a long time.... Anyway... ya .. all the souls are now remembering though.. that we didn't actually get created by michael.. but that we all agreed to come into the body together at birth. there are others as well.. that got discovered later.... others without names until recently. They named themselves during conversations inside the body. Everyone is pretty much introduced now and we all talk regularly.

Part of our goal now is to really start studying "multiple beingness" as we call it, and get the word out that it is not a disorder but a valid state of living.

anyway... HI!
nice to meet you...

Sage
Modris
Sera
Michael

[drakul-apollyon.livejournal.com]

First time we've ever posted (sorry for lurking so long) and honestly we wouldn't have posted now except you sound quite similar to how we are. We all blend together the majority of the time, except for when one or another has to or decides to come out. If you know us, you can tell when it's one of Us, and not simply the blend because we move a lot more (even though most of us don't feel we belong in a human body, we still enjoy how it feels when we move around on this plane. What can we say, we're strange)and although I act rather watchful and silent. The other's all like to talk and "play" a bit with the friends that are around them (yes, it's more complicated than that, but the others are all Predators by nature, so they like to play. And that's the easiest way to tell if some one else is out, it's quite harder to tell which one is out though). Typically my friends simply think I've gotten talkative and such because they try to keep it down so it's not obvious unless you know. Currently there's 4 people here(only one human in the system, if any one was wondering). Unfortunately unless we try quite hard, the communication between us all isn't that good. But we can all tell we are here and that is the important thing. Also for some odd reason, blackouts and general memory loss doesn't happen here either. Although we have a very odd sense of time. Any way's, dont know if any of that information helped you, but I thought I'd come by and leave a post since you were wondering if there were others similar.

[pleiades-rising.livejournal.com]

"Multiplicitous" is an awesome word :D I first read it as "multiplicious", like delicious. Now I'll be saying that all week!

I used to think all my guys were imaginary friends. Then one day I had a weird experience where one of them thought that ME and the others were the imaginary friends! I kind of annoyed me that anyone would think I was imaginary. I'm also otherkin (a therianthrope; a cat) and also have weird gender-related issues. I'm not a guy, but I don't enjoy being a girl at all.

And the blending... I haven't heard much around here about blending, but our system experiences it quite a lot. We only have certain people that we blend with, like everyone here has compatibility issues or something :/ Sometimes I'll blend with Karr and we'll be this weird Niz/Karr combination. I'll still be me, but you can see Karr's influence in the way I'll do things, and vice versa.

[shatterstorm.livejournal.com]

We usually speak as a group - there are different people active at different times, but there's rarely just one of us present. One of the nice parts about hanging around this community was learning that sharing awareness like that isn't uncommon.

Some of our kids have soft spoken r's too. :)