windows :P

[kuwaizair.livejournal.com]

so i did this to Deviant Art, anway I've been down on myself, trying ot see myself and come to relise all the horrble things that make me me (OMG how horrble i don't want to be in love/good frineds with potheads)

then there is just confussion and the genral beating my self "I don't like to drink, i need to, so i can be socail and have frineds...maybe I do like alcholic drinks...ho! why can't i get rid of my green eggs and ham syndrom!?" maybe I do and I convins myself? maybe i'm trying to hard to kill "myself"

so what happens then....some here seem to have the other views on people. i want to be somone differnt, fearless, a floosy. I don't like drugs, then why in the back of my head is "hahah i want my opium"
or somtimes "theres the thinking that thinks without cousious thought"

not "i will eat today" like you are speeking in your head things like {ah choking down the old snake eh?} and the likes.

so i'm a bit of a neurotic mess, a hypocondriac who thinks to much.

hey how do I tell if i'm "multiple" things become acts for to long they manfisest. I laugh at the zoophiles but "god damn that is a sexy dog!" comes up.

yes...i'm a mess. i can't find the me i want to be, it should be a hot chick, looks andogious...don't know how long i've seen this chara. I make up stories to and like to think of them playing in my head. I drempt i was a guy named dark kennith once and once i was a dog. cool? does that mean anything? are they me? or other people?

could one have others that are still them? like playing a new card? facets? or "emotionalities"?

how do i know those obsucre voices aren't me? like the sick pervs or the opium thing?

Comments

[pengke.livejournal.com]

You're confusing multiplicity with facets of your personality. It's normal to simultaneously have conflicting opinions.

[szczur-system.livejournal.com]

I think you may just not want to think of yourself as liking the things you do. (Re: calling your 'other' (or yourself) a 'sick perv').

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

I'm beginning to understand why you keep thinking you "should" do certain things you don't really want to do -- often, simply in order to be popular and fit in. You've made no secret of the fact that you have some very serious health concerns, and that you live in a fairly isolated environment with few opportunities for contact with anything outside the perceived norm. I still think those are a contributing factor in that they prevent you from "being just like other people". Now you've mentioned influences in your early life, while you were impressionable, that may have reinforced the idea that you "should" be doing certain things. Television has a tendency to do that overall, in any case.

This dog image keeps coming up for you. There are plenty of people who identify with animals without being "furries" or having fetishes, or even having to think of it in terms of past lives. In fact, it is normal in many world cultures. Chinese astrology includes a Dog in its cycle. Could learning more about this be helpful to you? Don't worry about whether or not you're "doing it right", just investigate and see what you think.