Alters screenplay

[dianneordi.livejournal.com]

I don't have MPD / DID, but I've had two close friends with DID and have known several others.

I'm currently working on a screenplay which I'm hoping will cast multiplicity in a favorable light, and would love to get some input.

The log line: A college student with multiple personalities must make a choice between the boy she loves and the alters who've kept her safe since childhood.

Although there's no explicit sex or violence, I've tried to be very straightforward, so there may be some triggers.

The screenplay can be downloaded it at www.fileden.com/files/2006/11/5/350846/Alters.pdf

Comments can be directed to dianneordi at excite dot com. Use "Alters" as the subject.

Thank you!
Dianne.

Comments

[gryphons.livejournal.com]

Not going to waste the bandwidth to tell you in email, but that has got to be one of the worst, and most trite portrayals of a household I have ever read in ANY format. I had some semblance of hope in the first few pages.. but well that was effectively destroyed. Oh and by the way "multiple twelve steps" as a description.. um .. ick!! and "alter-free" yeah.. really positive light. ..Hopefully we will be free from any further examples of your writing..

Good bye!

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

I'm considering adding something to the community info (which needs to be cut down, but still) about "If you want to write a book/play/screenplay/etc."

Seriously.

[gryphons.livejournal.com]

sorry.. know we were probably a bit harsh.. but.. ick. and thanks.. that sounds like a good idea.

[dianneordi.livejournal.com]

"one of the worst, and most trite portrayals of a household I have ever read"

why? (notwithstanding that it's based on a real person and her household) what about it is bad? what about it is trite? (Worse than say Nikki and Jessica of Heroes? or Norman Bates and his mother in Psycho?)

I can also tell you didn't read the entire script, since she lives happily ever after WITH her alters.

[pengke.livejournal.com]

Wait, telling the token child-alter that he'll be with her always counts as living with them happily ever after? Damn. You know, I always thought that living with someone meant that they had to actually be there. Hey, does this mean that Leonardo Decaprio's character didn't die on the Titantic because he lived on in Rose's heart?

Seriously, you have a very negative opinion of multiples. It may be justified, depending on the behavior of the ones you know, especially if you have reason to refer to them as "claiming" as opposed to "being" multiple. Regardless, you're not doing any thing positive with this script.

If you want to make the multiple stuff better, stop thinking of Heather as the real person. Note inside conversation from outside conversation. You've chosen a format that works poorly with this type of a story because you don't have the visual element to show what is happening. It makes no sense for Heather to be incapable of distinguishing between inside people and outside people when she is interacting with them at the same time. Even if she was halucinating and could see Julia, Tyler couldn't interact with them as separate physical people and she'd notice that. Instead of having everyone fade into the background as Heather takes responsibility for her life, why shouldn't Heather realize that it's everyone else's life as much as it is her's and let everyone share like the good little children that they were taught to be in kindergarten? For that matter, they weren't working that badly together at the beginning, despite your wierd plot-enhancing blind spots; so why have the random 'being multiple is screwing up my life' period at all?

Non-multiple related problems: Your plot was weak. Your characters weren't well fleshed out, especially in the scenes that introduced them. You used too many fandom references that didn't mesh well with the rest of the story. You would probably do better to rewrite the script as an actual story then convert it into script format.

[dianneordi.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your comments and insights. I'll work on it.

[gryphons.livejournal.com]

1) yes, we read it all the way through. Having her alters as the bridesmaids and the little as the flower girl.. we read that part.. and the fact that she said "we do".. considering it comes right after her talking about being alter free for 17 days.. and a very jumbled series of scenes.

2) you're stating that niki and jessica are Good portrayals of households? and norman bates and his mother are? Wow.. what do you think of your friends who are households if that's the examples you hold up as good portrayals?

[dianneordi.livejournal.com]

Actually, i'm saying that Nikki and Jessica is a cliche.

[gryphons.livejournal.com]

now that my family has had their say.. yes, Jessica and Nikki are a cliche.. a bad one..
You have made some good changes.. like taking out the introduction about the sexual abuse and hopefully filling in the areas where it's hinted at that she decides not to integrate, and instead live a life with her family both inside and out. Those are commendable and improve the screenplay a great deal. I hope that you will continue to work on these points.
-Liam