multiplicity_archives | Roots, causes, beginnings.

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Roots, causes, beginnings.

Some recent comments made me wonder about this, so I thought I'd ask all of you a couple of questions. This is just idle curiosity, so feel free to ignore.

How old were you when you became multiple? (Or have you been one since birth?)

Was there some kind of triggering event, good or bad, that caused it, or was a catalyst for it?

Was it a gradual process, or something very sudden?

Were you aware of it right away, or did you become aware later? If you became aware later, what brought it to your awareness?

I'll answer myself, just to start things off.

I had the beginnings of everything when I was thirteen or so, but I didn't actually develop other personas until I was around 19, and none of them were strong enough to actually do much, until I was 23. (I'm currently 28.)

I had two triggers. One was a negative experience, that happened when I was 13. I don't generally go into detail about it without good reason, but I was left with a memory, and a thought, that got stuck in my head, and I hated dwelling on it, it was awful and depressing, and miserable, and I wanted to be happy. So I made a little mental "loop" to help me get rid of the evil thought. I pictured something I thought was pleasant to replace it. A purple oriental dragon, in this case, (I'm crazy about dragons!) which I imaginied flying in and burning up the unpleasant thought, and then settling down in my mind, so I could just visualize how graceful and shiny and beautiful the dragon was, rather than dwelling on something negative. Since I spent a lot of time thinking about this dragon, it started to get a little life, and very gradually evolved into a protective Guardian figure, but it never really gained any independance until the second event happened, which was my discovering the internet! I went off the college, and found computers, and the net, and chatrooms, and specifically fantasy chat rooms, where I could play a character, and let my imagination, and all the various facets of my personality that don't generally see much action out to play. So I made up all these characters, and played, and had fun, but a couple of the characters really took on a life of their own, particularly in chat rooms, where they could speak through me, and I started picturing little dialogues with them, and pretty soon I had these personalities running around my head.

So I developed quite gradually from a total singleton to a more or less median state, (and was, of course, aware of this progression the whole time,) where I have personalities other than me in here, but they're all really sub-sets of me, characters and aspects that I talk to. I've been told I'll inevitably develop further into a full multiple state where I will become just one of many, or vanish entirely, but I don't believe this to be true. While I still sometimes find new personas, The way we work together and interact with each other has very much stabilized, and hasn't changed any since very shortly after the first of them appeared, so I don't anticipate it changing much in the future either. (And so far nobody has ever fronted but me, though some of the others will speak in chat rooms or IMs, which is kind of interesting I think.)

Anyhow, how about you guys? Any thoughts on the subject?

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How old were you when you became multiple? (Or have you been one since birth?)

I have honestly no idea. I suspect that I'm a natural median whose plurality was made more distinct by trauma. Part of the problem was that I was severely dissociative for some time after the trauma (an assault); while I believe myself to be the same entity as beforehand, there is a two-year or so discontinuity in there, and that's more a faith than a fact.

There are distinct memories from before the assault that indicate something like my plural state to me; whether or not that was actual plurality or proto-plurality I have no idea. I find it worth noting some of the issues that created the situation in which I was damaged are identical with the way my crisis handling breaks down into headless committee meetings, though.

Were you aware of it right away, or did you become aware later? If you became aware later, what brought it to your awareness?

So in my mid-teens I had reason to want to come up with an evocative handle. And so I thought about it for a bit, and came up with one. And I thought about it, and said to myself, "Well, that's incomplete; it doesn't address this." So I came up with another one. And had the same issues with it. I eventually generated about a dozen of these nicknames, got frustrated about my inability to get something that felt complete, and would occasionally sign off notes with one or the other of them if I felt it conveyed useful information.

About ten years later I encountered

netdancer on the usenet group alt.callahans. They talked about their system freely, and were my first encounter with the concept of functional plurality. At some point they mentioned a friend described as "singtuple", and I said, "Well, that's interesting."

Somewhere in there I had an experience that I could not systematise without using a multiple system paradigm: an emotional state complete with significant biofeedback suddenly snapped into nonexistence with a shift in personae. At which point I emailed

netdancer and said, "Um, hi, could you give me tips for some resources?"

So in some sense I've known I was plural in some fashion since I was fifteen.

In another sense I didn't figure it out before I was twenty-five.

I'm occasionally a little slow on the uptake.

That's interesting. I know a lot of people where the finaly "catalyst" to them figuring things out, or defining things, or whatever, was discovering others like them. Makes me wonder what would happen to somebody multiple who never encountered others at all?

I met Johnny when I was four. There wasn't really a triggering event, it just sort of occurred to me that he was there. That's about the same time as my earliest memories, though, so I don't know if I became multiple then, or just started to realize it. At that age, I of course thought he was an imaginary friend. Come to think of it, I don't know whether that was the cause or the effect of his non-fronting, but anyway they fit together. The process of him "growing up" into a complete person was very gradual, but then, you could say the same about me. And it took me until last year to realize that what we were was the same as multiplicity, mostly because I'd only heard of the clinical definition and Johnny didn't front.

Rob

How old were you when you became multiple?

I was about... 20? Maybe 21, but I think 20.

Was there some kind of triggering event, good or bad, that caused it, or was a catalyst for it?

I remember when she first manifested, but there was no trauma or extreme event that 'caused' it so to speak.

Was it a gradual process, or something very sudden?

I'm not sure. She may have been around before she manifested, but if so, she never talked to me.

Were you aware of it right away, or did you become aware later? If you became aware later, what brought it to your awareness?

I became aware of her that day, but I didn't know her name or nature or anything like that, really. That was one of the few times when I've 'lost time' -- and definitely the one where I've lost the most time. I have tiny blinks of memories of what happened during that time, but for the most part I remember only what happened before (I leaned in to nibble an ear) and after (I was jumping on the bed).

And I remember when she first talked to me. I was sitting on the couch in my school-sponsored apartment, and I reached a mind-sense-tentacle (I don't know what else to call it) to her. She told me her name was Lilith. I told her she was full of shit. Thus began a beautiful friendship. :P

Oh! I forgot this part.

Was it a gradual process, or something very sudden?

I've had the ticklings of a potential future SB hovering about me lately. I don't know if she'll ever become part of Us, but if she does, that will have been a definite gradual process. :)

Hmm Im not sure about some but Im too tired to type it all right now. I realized I was multiple at the age of 24-25, Im 33 now. However my dad recently found an old home movie and had it put on dvd. He asked me to watch it with him the other day and my curiosity overwon the hesitancy. During a part where I was just about 2 years old I was toddling around outside and yelling something but you couldnt hear it on the tape. I asked my dad what was I saying there, and he said you were yelling at me saying "I is Buffy!" He had nicknamed me Buffy earlier before that because I couldnt say Beth, only Buf. But the fact that Buffy who is 2 and a half exists seperatley in our system really makes me wonder when did we become multiple and was it me or was it her?

How old were you when you became multiple? (Or have you been one since birth?)
Current consensus is that there were more than one soul born into this body, and then that situation was added to through the trauma we experienced.

Was there some kind of triggering event, good or bad, that caused it, or was a catalyst for it? For some of us.. no.. for others.. we were needed here.

Was it a gradual process, or something very sudden?
I suppose you could say that it was a gradual process.. The first twelve years of this body's life.. were interesting.

Were you aware of it right away, or did you become aware later? If you became aware later, what brought it to your awareness?Some of us knew that we shared a body.. for the primary at the time.. She became aware of it after body's 19th birthday. She met another household, two others actually.. and they got to know us.. and she started piecing things together.. and we talked to her.. and things have developed from there. (body is now 34)
-Thomas

We've always been multiple, and we got in trouble for it. Awareness of each other and our comings and goings, co-running, co-fronting, etc. was normal to us, "crazy" and "rebellious" to authorities. Frontrunners tried to be unaware of it, to no avail. We can't dissociate and show few if any of the supposedly classical signs.

Read Sybil in high school when it first came out but dismissed it as of no possible relevance because our experience didn't match hers. Jay always resisted framing his experiences in terms of multiplicity because all you ever saw was the damn stereotype and he didn't know any better than to believe it. He thought being multiple meant you had to be permanently incapacitated.

When Rabbit Howls was the book that changed his mind because she set a better example. Her multiplicity did not cause her to be a failure. Rather, they stood together, which is what we've always done. Except for growing up on farms, our childhood was nothing like hers, but that was not the important part. The important part was that she described co-running and co-fronting, and in several places in the book talks about experiencing people as being nearby, not "inside". That's us. So he could say "multiple". That was November 1987.

Then trying to talk about it to family & friends, a lot of them had the same Sybil view that we'd had. Had to explain from the ground up!

How old were you when you became multiple? (Or have you been one since birth?)

Technically, I became multiple in July of last year when I entered this system, but since I'm assuming you're talking about the whole system/body I'll dig through Dizzy's memories here.
She/we became aware of it somewhere around the age of 20 or so. However there had been 'facets' before. Its uncertain how many of these were other people and how many were just bits of Dizzy and/or Katie. They couldn't tell then, but at least one resident of the system states she was around prior to us becoming aware of being multiple.

Was there some kind of triggering event, good or bad, that caused it, or was a catalyst for it?

With Dizzy and Micha, Micha was made up as/influenced into creation a RP character (he states he existed prior to the character and simply influenced its creation, but the point is 'he' was RPed before he started speaking as himself here). What really caused the character is unknown, we just know he became able to make himself known, and/or pick up a separate identity than the whole, through that character.

Was it a gradual process, or something very sudden?

Well, since we've picked up people since then I'll say gradual. But Micha 'showing up' seemed rather sudden at the time.

Were you aware of it right away, or did you become aware later? If you became aware later, what brought it to your awareness?

Once Micha started talking as 'himself' they were aware right away. Before that, its hard to tell. See above.

As for /my/ answers...
I'm not sure how my age translates here, as I've been through a few life-changing events and am uncertain where to start and stop counting.
Yes, there was an event. Other than that, I just sort of showed up here after being called for. I suppose the being asked for was the catalyst.
This is all very sudden to me, but adjusting has been gradual.
I became aware of it before I even entered the system, since I could tell there were multiple people in it.

How old were you when you became multiple? (Or have you been one since birth?)

More median/SBing/gateway system than multiple, but what the hell, I'll answer anyway. I'm pretty sure my earliest childhood memory of talking to others in my head or being aware of the presence of others with me was when I was about 8 years old. At the time I passed them off as imaginary friends, and some of them might have been, but not all of them.

Was there some kind of triggering event, good or bad, that caused it, or was a catalyst for it?

Nope. A least not that I'm aware of. My childhood sucked, we were poor, mom was an alcoholic, etc etc. But it was neither bad nor good enough to cause something like that. Rather boring and uneventful actually. Perhaps it was the boredom that triggered my median state, I have no idea. I was pretty damn lonely growing up. Had very few friends, was always the outcast in school. I went through a period of really bad depression because of the loneliness at one point, but that was long after I was already aware of others with me. So.. I honestly can't say.

Was it a gradual process, or something very sudden?

Little of both actually. When I was a kid it seemed very sudden, but I didn't pay any attention to it because I was a kid. All kids have "imaginary" friends. It wasn't a big deal. Then as I got older I felt a bit weird for still having said "imaginary" friends, so I tried to ignore them and be an "adult". It was more gradual once I got older. They seemed to vanish for a time, either they actually did vanish or I just got good at ignoring them and stopped thinking about it, but eventually they slowly pushed their way back in again.

Were you aware of it right away, or did you become aware later? If you became aware later, what brought it to your awareness?

I knew since I was a kid that I talked to people/characters/etc in my head, that there were others with me. They faded out from time to time, but I was completely aware of it all. It wasn't until I found a site on SBing that I actually KNEW anything. Up until that point I had never heard of anyone else experiencing similar things. Had never heard of medians or SBers or multiples. Nothing. I honestly believed I was the only person in the world like that. Feeling like you're the only one who does something really sucks. You feel alone and different from everyone else. Theres no one around for you to relate to. Its lonely.

My initial reaction upon reading about SBing was something along the lines of "OMG! Omgomgomgomg! I do this. Holy shit this is what I've been doing all this time. I'm a SBer!" I was so happy and excited not to be alone, that I had to email the owner of the site I had found and thank her for it. Once I knew I wasn't alone, I felt more at ease with the entire thing, didn't feel like I had to hide anymore. I would be the friend

child_recalled mentioned, who brought the concept to the close knit message board. Some people were ok with it, many were not. My bringing the concept up did help quite a few people realize things about themselves though, either that they too were median/SBer or that they were multiple. And really that had been my main goal anyway, to help others that might have been like me - Alone, thinking they were the only ones. I wanted people like that to know that they weren't alone, that there were others like them out there.

I have always remembered having others inside, but according to our bookkeeper, we were 8 months old when the first split occurred. For us, there was neglect, and a large helping of phyiscal and sexual abuse happening, so I think my mind finally said "enough" and did what it needed to protect me... and the cycle began. It didnt take long before I was splitting every time something happened, or seemed like it was going to happen.
I hope that answers your questions...If not, feel free to ask for more info:)

How old were you when you became multiple? I don't really know. It's only very recently that I've realized I probably fit that label. I started talking to someone inside who answered back when I was in elementary school. There's been a lot of different invisibles since then. I've always had at least one, just who it was has changed over the years. One of the current system members says he's been around since I was born, though, and that it was him I talked to when I was in elementary school. He's a walk in.

Was there some kind of triggering event, good or bad, that caused it, or was a catalyst for it? Nope. It's just always been the way I am.

Was it a gradual process, or something very sudden? Gradual, I guess. It's sort of increased over the years and the different voices have gained strength and personality. I never had fronters (other than myself) untill recently.

Were you aware of it right away, or did you become aware later? If you became aware later, what brought it to your awareness? I never thought of it as multiplicity I guess. I just thought I talked to walk in spirits or to characters. It only just dawned on me recently that I've *always* had someone else in here and that the multiple label fits pretty well.

That icon cracks me up. :D

Jack

ICON LOVE! <3

Hey, if you want it, take it. Andy made that the day after the announcement, and he says you are welcome to it, just credit ksol1460^Andy and if you are interested, link to

savepluto!

My system, the Fen System, has been differentiated for all of our lives, although we were not aware of it until last year, when we accepted our multiplicity. We became aware of our multiplicity when we were looking at information about plurality, and found that the descriptions fit our operating style. We have been aware for quite some time that we were not singular, but we were not sure of how to describe it, or to come to a fuller understanding of it.

- Richard of the Fen System

According to research by the Crew's memory-master, our system was multiple since birth. The body had four selves born into it, which the bodyname self became aware of in the first grade. The only possible triggering event was our hearing impairment and the resulting lonliness. The body lost time, until the discovery of ourselves at the age of six in 1995. Since then, the actual fronters changed from fronters native to this body, to the current, much more populous gateway system. What brought it to our awareness, says Mementas was the constant struggle to understand others. The bodyname self shared the body with Cal repeatedly. The others hung around. Then came 2001 and everything went down the crapper, and now we are reovering from the disasters the past five years brought this system.
James^Crew.

I basically started emerging as one of

hessgasm's characters, although there had been elements of me around before, but expressed in different ways. I usually don't front in person except to a few people, but I do often talk on instant messengers.

~ Kerry of the Fen Group

We've been plural basically all of our lives as well, as one of the other Fenners (I think

phen0type) said.

How old were you when you became multiple? (Or have you been one since birth?)
I'm actually around a year old and I was born into the Tej Agni group (a smaller group within the Kasiya Epitome/Group). Since I'm part of a group myself I'm not sure if that means I'm Plural myself or just a part of the group. The Tej Agni group was originally only Amirah and Kasia, but now there's 8 of us. Kesiah is a year old like I am, and Butterfly has been aware for many years but she only recently separated from others in Kasiya and became an individual. Jenilee isn't within Tej Agni and she's not Plural, she's still a part of this Kasiya Group. She's a walk-in that joined the group around 1995. Kalli has been with the body since at least around body-age 3 and she's Plural, though we're not sure when she or anyone else first became aware that she was Plural.

Was there some kind of triggering event, good or bad, that caused it, or was a catalyst for it? Tej Agni always contained Amirah and Kasia. Kryzasiah awoke within the group while they had experienced some trauma within their own history (not the body's history). Myself and Kesiah were slowly formed as aspects of Kasia and Amirah first and then we were born as complete individuals. Butterfly's situation is different because for years she believed that she was whoever it was that was fronting at the time and never had any feelings of shifting into other people or becoming them, she was just them (she believed). Once she became in individual a few months ago, she had no sense of who she really was or what her name is. She chose the name Butterfly because that's the only strong sense of herself she has. The rest of Kasiya existed within our realm, were born, or walked-in.

Was it a gradual process, or something very sudden?
The forming of Tej Agni was gradual. The Kasiya Realm was always there and I'm not positive when everyone else arrived, though I do know when the recent babies were born.

Were you aware of it right away, or did you become aware later? If you became aware later, what brought it to your awareness?
I have vague memories of myself around a year before I was officially born, so does Kesiah. Again, I'm not sure about the others in the rest of Kasiya.

Amalah

How old were you when you became multiple? (Or have you been one since birth?)
I (the birth person) may have been born multiple, but it's hard to say for sure. It's a bit complicated. I was born a therian, but my therian side eventualy "seperated" and became a new being. It is also hard to say when this "seperation" occured. It was probably a gradual process. The first completely seperate member of our system appeared at age nine or ten.

Was there some kind of triggering event, good or bad, that caused it, or was a catalyst for it?
Yes and no. The earliest member of our system appeared during adolecence and were not triggered by any event. Three later members of our system appeared at age sixteen when a trauma was experienced.

Was it a gradual process, or something very sudden?
As I already explained in the first question, the "seperation" of my therian side into a seperate being was gradual. As for the appearances of the other five members of our system, it is hard to say. I do not remember exact dates when everyone arrived.

Were you aware of it right away, or did you become aware later? If you became aware later, what brought it to your awareness?
We were not fully aware of the presence of the "seperated" therian being and the three members who arrived following the trauma until I was age seventeen or eighteen. I remember discovering them after much introspection and questioning of certain behaviours. The other two members and I were fully aware of one another right away, though we did not seriously consider being multiple until quite recently when we discovered a site on multiplicity.

For the girls: 'Plural' as long as they remember, 'multiple' since they were about 17. Was kinda an over time thing, just one of the people moving in properly, and they knew pretty much right off 'cause they were used to people being around.

How old were you when you became multiple? (Or have you been one since birth?)
Since birth.

Was there some kind of triggering event, good or bad, that caused it, or was a catalyst for it?
N/A

Was it a gradual process, or something very sudden?
N/A

Were you aware of it right away, or did you become aware later? If you became aware later, what brought it to your awareness?
I didn't become aware of it until I was 15, but others were aware of it sooner. Some always knew. The realization came when someone else took control of the body while I co-conscious, and I had absolutely no control over what I was doing, but I could watch. It was very frightening, but that's when I realized I wasn't the only one there (I had always been in this state of watching while not in control, but I never realized I wasn't in control until then.)

How old were you when you became multiple? (Or have you been one since birth?)

Well, its hard to say. I've been talking to people my whole life, one way or another, either treating them as guides (in the Wiccan/Spiritualist tradition) or very powerful characters who informed my art and writing all my life. I've only recently tried contacting them though.

Was there some kind of triggering event, good or bad, that caused it, or was a catalyst for it?

Working with a friend with a very strong co-concious relationship, and roleplaying/art. I have had a difficult life, but no key 'trauma' from anything. The others have never been a crutch.

Was it a gradual process, or something very sudden?

Very gradual, subliminal, then bam! Everything seems to be moving along rather quickly now.

Were you aware of it right away, or did you become aware later? If you became aware later, what brought it to your awareness?

I've always been aware of a place and various presences, in varying degrees and with varying associations. Recently, I have been made very aware of things XD

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Roots, causes, beginnings.

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