Losing Friends

[littlenephew.livejournal.com]

Hello. Since I am altogether new to LJ, I apologize if I've duplicated this post. I've read many of the community posts, and appreciate the thoughts expressed. Even through drifting in and out, and a general numbness, I've done my best to absorb those contributions.

The issue I'm working on presently is integration. I know I don't fully comprehend it, but I'm resisting the process in fear of losing my only friends. Those within. I know I must reconcile this, but I feel alone enough as it is, and the thought of losing my dearest ones causes me to feel empty, even just thinking about it.

I anyone can offer any insight and experience to helping me understand this, I will be most grateful. Sincerely yours.

Comments

[ex-nanonyan.livejournal.com]

I should warn that for the longest time I was anti-integration.. now I simply see it as another way of doing things, and in fact, integration and non-integration can exist within the same system. Nonetheless, I generally suggest thinking about such things deeply.

I guess I'm concerned because of that. With the way you wrote what you did, I tend to worry.

Two questions:

1. Why would you be set on doing something that you don't fully comprehend? Shouldn't you be absolutely sure about it and know all about it first?

2. Why are you planning on integrating in the first place? You said a lot about why you do not want to integrate, but nowhere do you say why you do want to integrate. I know this is a long shot, but is someone or something pressuring you to?

I hope that I can help you understand anything you want to know. I'm glad to help, I'm just a little worried too. :)

Long Shot

[littlenephew.livejournal.com]

Your reply is provoking many thoughts. But none of them answer your question. I know this: my sense of heart makes me feel good, and my sense of mind makes me feel bad. I struggle with my sense of mind, a tug of war, but my sense of heart is warm, and secure, and joyous. Integration somehow seems to be all sense of mind, which is contrary to what I think my essence is. I don't know how they can coexist. So the only someone pressuring me is myself, my sense of mind. I think it's what is necessary to be better. So, I expect you to confound me with another question I can't answer, but end up answering anyway. : ) Thank you.

Re: Long Shot

[ex-nanonyan.livejournal.com]

You're welcome! I'm glad I listened to *my* heart and wrote something that I thought would help you instead of what my mind told *me*. In this case my mind told me that I was being rude by assuming you weren't completely sure. ^^;;;

Anyway, I think it would help everyone reading this post a lot if you wrote a little bit about your system. Who's in it? What are the problems that you have with those things coexisting? If your mind has an explanation for it, then it's an issue that people in the community (maybe even me ^^;) can help with. If your mind *doesn't* have an explanation, but just says it's wrong and stuff, then the issue is probably rooted in fear.

I think the rule is: Try to make something work if you've been gifted with it, and only make it go away if it's the right thing to do or the only thing to do.

By the way, I'm going to go have a bite to eat, but I'll be online.. if you want to you can IM me or email me, the information in my Livejournal profile is accurate. ^^