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multiplicity_archives2005-11-23 09:30 am
ex-nanonyan.livejournal.com) wrote in multiplicity_archives2005-11-23 09:30 am
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Polyamory and Multiplicity.. wasn't one problem enough?! x.x *sobs*
When Jenny of ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
shadowechoes made her post earlier, it really struck a chord with me, and I can't shut up about it anymore.
I'm actually having some issues with the very subject of relationships and polyamory.
You see, it turns out that my mate, who thought they were singular, actually ends up being but one member of a multiple system. I should be happy that the person I'm in love with is living in a situation like me and can actually understand me, but it just scares me to death.
What if one of them wants to have a relationship with someone else?! I'm completely monogamous (as are they, for that matter) and really don't like the idea of sharing my/our body with anyone else, but to have to deal with some nights with my lover being gone (we currently live together, etc.) and knowing they're with someone else really bothers me. It feels like my girlfriend and I are caught in a situation which we never asked for and have no control over.
In Celen, we long ago created a rule that there'd be one relationship for the system at one time, generally speaking. This was way back when things were really confusing and we needed to create emergency measures to handle life itself. It just hasn't been repealed, since changing our laws requires mutual agreement and I certainly do not agree. Right now I'm able to cope with the modification to the rule that it's okay if people from our systems get into relationships with each other, though it does give me a little jealousy. Still, it's within my trust/comfort zone.
How do people deal with this? I mean, I know that my GF would be *bound* to front eventually when with the theoretical external that someone else is with, even if they don't expressly "do" anything with that person. Since they consider cuddling to be okay and not cheating (and I don't see how it is), that would really get under my skin, very fast.
I'm pretty sure I feel bad about it because of my abuse history and desire for security and control and so forth, but I still have no right to want to restrict the freedom of others. Naturally, I can't, but to be really honest I wish wish wish that I could.
How does one cope?
shadowechoes made her post earlier, it really struck a chord with me, and I can't shut up about it anymore.I'm actually having some issues with the very subject of relationships and polyamory.
You see, it turns out that my mate, who thought they were singular, actually ends up being but one member of a multiple system. I should be happy that the person I'm in love with is living in a situation like me and can actually understand me, but it just scares me to death.
What if one of them wants to have a relationship with someone else?! I'm completely monogamous (as are they, for that matter) and really don't like the idea of sharing my/our body with anyone else, but to have to deal with some nights with my lover being gone (we currently live together, etc.) and knowing they're with someone else really bothers me. It feels like my girlfriend and I are caught in a situation which we never asked for and have no control over.
In Celen, we long ago created a rule that there'd be one relationship for the system at one time, generally speaking. This was way back when things were really confusing and we needed to create emergency measures to handle life itself. It just hasn't been repealed, since changing our laws requires mutual agreement and I certainly do not agree. Right now I'm able to cope with the modification to the rule that it's okay if people from our systems get into relationships with each other, though it does give me a little jealousy. Still, it's within my trust/comfort zone.
How do people deal with this? I mean, I know that my GF would be *bound* to front eventually when with the theoretical external that someone else is with, even if they don't expressly "do" anything with that person. Since they consider cuddling to be okay and not cheating (and I don't see how it is), that would really get under my skin, very fast.
I'm pretty sure I feel bad about it because of my abuse history and desire for security and control and so forth, but I still have no right to want to restrict the freedom of others. Naturally, I can't, but to be really honest I wish wish wish that I could.
How does one cope?