(no subject)

[terrenepixy.livejournal.com]

okay, so im not sure how this works, but here goes.

i found this community through saturniakitty (sorry, not so good with the l/j tags) on a fake l/j-er community, and reading through this ive become a bit confused as to my own situation.

ive always felt like there are others in my head and/or my body, ever since i was little. ive been told that i talk to someone when there's no one there, but i think that there is someone there or i don't even remember having that conversation. i also go through personality changes- i was diagnosed as bipolar, which seems to be explination enough for family and doctors, but it doesn't quite explain it all for me. ill be talking to someone and ill switch to someone else, sometimes making it a bit more confusing for people who don't know that i do that. there was even a point that i was "flickering" between three main, at which point i withdrew and became anti-social because it was easier. for a while i was explaining it to myself as manifestations of former lives and/or other beings (im pagan, so it fits with my belief system) but even that doesn't quite fit.

is there any chance that i /could/ be a multiple?

im kind of just looking for an explination. it gets difficult for me to deal with changing or flickering, and anything that makes sense might help me cope.

Comments

[terrenepixy.livejournal.com]

heh, it was that community, but i don't think it was you this time?

btw, your icon is really interesting.

[eridanusus.livejournal.com]

Another one, eh? I heard they were tryin to out all open multiples as fakers, haha. Welcome to the intarwebs.

[terrenepixy.livejournal.com]

heh. yeah. that's slightly frustrating. ive been called a faker because ive been hospitalised twice, given at least 3 different diagnoses, and misc. other problems, and i talk about them. that means im a lying fake, apparently. ^^

[eridanusus.livejournal.com]

*nod* Never, ever talk about your problems. People with real problems never do, only fakers.

[terrenepixy.livejournal.com]

oh, totally. i think the GREATEST thing ever though is when i get mad, apparently i get totally irrational and my reactions are all wrong and bad. one girl called me a fucking fake because of a myspace and told me to change it or watch my back... but when i called her a cunt, i was the irrational one. although i think it was aleria, not me, as i wasn't angry so much as amused at the discord i was causing.

[eridanusus.livejournal.com]

lolol. What did it say?

[terrenepixy.livejournal.com]

the myspace? my display name was [the angel wears black], and i guess she had used that once... my url had tinydancergirl in it, which is HER nickname, and HER song because HER girlfriend said so, and so no one but HER can use it... and i said in my about me a couple of things that sounded similar to hers, mainly that i : like edgar allen poe, eat cake frosting out of the container, and am into kink. because that doesn't explain a lot of other people as well.

[ricktboy.livejournal.com]

How dare you?! Faker! I eat cake frosting out of the can! I'm into kink! you're trying to be me!

*rolls on the floor*

I'm Rick, and Welcome.
Pack Collective (http://rickmacleod.bravehost.com/pack1.html)

[terrenepixy.livejournal.com]

*snorts* hehe. yeah. aren't the norms great? i don't understand girls that think im trying to copy them. ^__^

im noelle (at the moment anyways, although skit is around here somewhere too) and thank you for the welcome. ^_^

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

Hey! That's MY cake frosting!!! You fraud!!!

*joins in rolling about on the floor laughing*

[terrenepixy.livejournal.com]

*takes this opportunity to steal said cake frosting*

heh, mine now. ^^

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

You're just pretending to like cake frosting so people will think you're really me!!!

*waits for opportunity to steal frosting back*

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

We like Poe and we ate an entire can of coconut frosting once! OMG are you trying to steal our identity??!?!1one

[terrenepixy.livejournal.com]

OMG lyke totally! *dies* hehe. yeah. it makes no sense, huh?

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

We've been told this several times, the "if it was really bad, you don't talk about it," and "if people complain that their lives are bad, it means it can't be that bad, because people who had it really bad never tell you, you can only tell by the look in their eyes." It can never be that, say, you want to talk about it in order stop it from happening to someone else, or that you're trying to raise people's awareness of certain issues.

Re: L

[terrenepixy.livejournal.com]

heh. mostly.

Re: L

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

yeah, sarcasm-- although unfortunately people actually did say those things to us in total seriousness @_@

[terrenepixy.livejournal.com]

yeah. i hate that mentality because it's basically "oh, we don't understand so we judge"

>_

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

"if it was really bad, you don't talk about it"

Often that's true, but... y'know, if you're working on healing, sooner of later you've got to talk about it. I run up against that one a lot; there's all this stuff that happened in my teens, and even though I'm 48 years old now, it still rips me up to even think about it, let alone write about it or, worse, talk about it. I have to, though - even if I write it only for myself, I can't hold it in silence forever.

Kír's the same way, only more so because he has less trust in people, and every time he writes something 'personal' he feels like he should delete his whole journal and never write anything again. He doesn't, but that's how it feels.

It's a big fat slap in the face to EVERYONE who's ever struggled to find the courage to talk about their pain, to say "if it was real you wouldn't tell anyone." That's exactly like telling a person who admits to suicidal ideation that if they were serious they'd just do it, not talk about it.

[terrenepixy.livejournal.com]

That's exactly like telling a person who admits to suicidal ideation that if they were serious they'd just do it, not talk about it.

sadly, my dad said that to me once. i had been hospitalised twice, was finally off of my meds, and was suicidal again. i said that, and that's what he came up with. i think i threw things at him.

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. That's a cruel thing to hear from anyone, but worst to hear it from your own parent.

Someone I loved once said it to me, many years ago, and I thought it made sense. Thus I spent nine days in the Intensive Care Ward, and it would've been the morgue instead if my mother hadn't had one of her 'psychic flashes' and come home hours earlier than she was supposed to.

[terrenepixy.livejournal.com]

oh, im super-sorry about that. that person is sucky mcsuck. but at least your mum saved you. ^_^

-skit-

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

*smiles* Yeah, my mom rules. And that person was... severely screwed-up, more so even than me at the time. Anyway, it was long ago.

[terrenepixy.livejournal.com]

that's good stuff then- im hoping you're doing better now.