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co-running

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I was just curious to know if any of the systems here feel the need to have someone be the more or less full time "front-runner". Maybe not necessarily a host or original or anything like that... but just someone stable who generally has the reins?

I know quite a few of the systems and households on the list don't really work in that way, so I suppose this is more geared for the systems that do, or people who might have an informative opinion on the subject.

Really, the reason I ask is we seem to operate on this very unstable sort of sliding scale. There are times when it seems like we're all locked out of actually FRONTING... we can do things, but it's like sharing with everyone else and no one has true control, and then there are other times when it feels like everyone EXCEPT FOR [fill in the blank] is having the problem. It's usually not the same person though.

Sometimes this feeling lasts a long time, long enough that whoever is up front starts to wonder and question the validity of our seperation as opposed to an actual mental illness or disorder that isn't a part of the dissociative spectrum (such as schizophrenia).

Other times, we're SO seperate and have such a hard time coordinating ourselves that it really feels like we're disordered.

Anyone understand what I'm getting to? Thanks. Tonight's just very stressful (which seems to be something of a precipitator of these kinds of thoughts/situations)...

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We kind of work that way - we'll have someone stay as the main frontrunner for years at a time (This is my third year, before that Shiori was the main front for 4-5 years) but other people can and do still switch off with me - I'm just who's out most of the time.

We seem to go on a shorter cycle than that. Sometimes I'll be "front-stuck" for a few weeks where everyone else gets very quiet, they don't switch off, they don't surface or talk to me and I can't seem to find them inside either.

Then suddenly they're back. Maybe triggered but not with a negative definition. Just... something draws them back out suddenly and we go back to being very... "extegrated"? Seperate.

Sometimes we feel like a Hydra, and sometimes we just feel like a flight of dragons.

There are two of us, myself and another, that handle most of the fronting. We have all come to a consensus that it is easier this way to get things done, because there will always be someone able to say "We must go to this appointment at this time" or the like. We still switch fairly frequently, but for us co-fronting is the norm, and one of the two main ones are almost always front to some degree. It is more stable for us. Otherwise I doubt we would have gotten anything done, ever.

there are only two of us in there that ever come to the front. my bf is the only one that knows about us so we switch all the time around him and a lot of the time it's REALLY hard to gain full control. but other than around my bf i'm pretty much so always in front for the past couple of months.

There are two of us who do most of the fronting here, and a third who would like to be out more, but she is somewhat limited by a physical handicap (not shared with the rest of us across the body) that creates some degree of awkwardness at times. There are a few others who occasionally come out to express themselves, but usually not for very long periods of time. For the most part, if someone wants to come out to front, unless there's a really good reason why they shouldn't, we cooperate with each other about such things.

Thanks. On a normal basis, me and two others share the most control of the front as a sort of Triumvirate. We do have a pretty large system, but only a few of us (comparatively) front at all. We front most because it's easiest for us to seem like one person.

Sometimes we have a tendency to be really flaky :) So the three of us work really well together and generally manage everything pretty well.

But this is something that isn't the "norm" for us. It's something that happens randomly. We can go for months without this sort of situation, and work as a team and do everything right, and then suddenly, (normally me) one of us will be there and everyone else falls quiet. There have been a few times where I find myself going through other people's routines myself when it happens because I get scared about it.

It's like, usually, we sit at the center of our own co-conscious, cooperatibe spectrum. Where everything is balanced and everything works just right... and then for no reason, really, we'll tip completely to one side or the other.

We had system member (who sort of didn't acknowledge our presence consciously for years and years) who took over everything and forced us all to take a literal backseat. She made all decisions as a dictator, and caused problems for us, but ran things outside OK...

She went away, though. Now, it's rare that anyone takes FULL control. We find that it's better if we work through our Interface, which keeps us on a semi-regular schedule, outside, and allows us all to interact without actually fully switching out.

We're pretty fluid about it. Going between co-front and then sole-fronting when necessary to get the work done.

We really can't choose one "front-runner." We three choose the aspects of josh's life we are good at and manage those. I think that good organization is the key to keeping a stable life. Ty runs at work, I run at social events, and josh runs at home. Then, in our free time we take turns spilling our imagination into the real world. Ty has his farfetched world destruction, I write peotry, and josh writes music that reflects asspects of Ty and myself.

It works for us.

It may also be worth pointing out that due to the underlying nature of the relationships that we each have with Christina, She always reserves the right to call out any of us with whom She wishes to interact. While it is true that She usually lets us decide for ourselves who is going to front at any given time, that's a privilege that we most definitely should not take for granted.

Our experience was that as we went on, our need to have one person spend most of the time up front diminished. Azusa remained the 'main frontrunner' for the first few years after we acknowledged each other, partly because she was a control freak; but she also changed, became much more lenient about who was in control and stopped feeling like she was the only 'trustworthy' one, and began to feel more comfortable with giving equal time to others. (Part of this was that others had proven that they were better at handling certain kinds of situations than she was.)

We do a lot of co-fronting nowadays. Usually there's at least one person looking on or serving as 'backup.' There are four of us who frontrun, and sometimes a fifth; there are others who aren't interested in coming to the front, but will sometimes look on.

We tend to find it difficult to switch at will-- people can be 'drawn out' by specific things or situations, but it's rare for us to be able to call someone forth on demand.

I don't remember anyone EVER demanding someone come forward... We're all pretty good about it, and we've been working on setting things up so it's simple and more or less "convenient" if there's a need to have someone actual FRONT instead of several of us "co-authoring" as it were.

The only thing that ever happened similarly is that Angel, before she left, used to panic at certain situations and literally run away from the front. Someone else would HAVE to deal with the situation and that was usually Lynne. Wasn't so much demanding a presence but forcing someone else to take over.

Thank you for the input. We're discovering more and more about our own system every day, and just really trying to sort things out, try and identify problems before they become too great...

Mindy is our main fronter. We usually come out when it's very late at night, when I have a D&D game with friends (she hates D&D), or when she is stressed and can't deal with certain situations. Then usually Meghan, Eve, or I come out to deal with things, depending on who is awake. Usually only one person will front, while the others hang back and watch. Only the kids co-front so that they can play with their toys together.

~Janessa

We used to be htat way and it hurt - lots of migrains.

Now, I'm the main frontrunner for necessity. Journaling might help all of you get on the same *page* :)

I'm the main front. I refer to it (being in the body) as "shit duty." which it basically is right now but hopefully will be better soonish once we're back home in Hungary and moved in with a friend. (For the past four years, we've been living with our busy body aunt in Hungary who strives to make our lives miserable. And right now we're back in Arizona visiting our emotionally abusive mother. She used to be physically abusive but she's changed a bit and we've grown up and so she's not violent anymore. but being around her is still shit duty.)

For us, it makes things easier to have a 'default setup'--instead of confusion about who should do what when, everyone else already knows that I'll be taking the reins, and I already know that I'll be taking the reins. (When, for example, waking up and getting my/our bearings.)

Thanks for the input. Because of wrist problems writing is hard on the body, but we've recently discovered that with our music off (which is mostly my vice) and all other programs closed, we can have a very good conversation that also gets written, through our keyboard.

We don't have a particular front, but we do tend to each dominate by how our life is focused - like if it's a busy time at work I tend to front, or if it's a quiet time at home Lyria tends to front.

The only times we've had to establish some kind of "definite front" is if we're around someone from our past that upsets specific people - and man, is that tiring.

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