(no subject)

[shadowsage05.livejournal.com]

....hey. I'm usually just a LJ lurker, last few months, but I saw this community today, stumbled on it actually, and had to post here, so I made a journal.

I'm 16, um, I call myself Sage. Not my real name, just what I think of myself in my head. I always thought of myself as other names, but it's been Sage the last couple of years.

Last few months have been...not good. There's this little girl, 8 or 9, brown hair, pigtails. her name is Ruby. I remember when I was a kid, I used to talk to her, imaginary friend or something. Well, 4 or 5 months ago she came back. I don't know how to explain it...like in my head but not really. It's not voices, more like a person. I don't know why I know how she looks, since she's not really a real person but...she doesn't really 'front' as it's called her (I dont really know the lingo that will) doesn't talk usually. Sometimes she does, she used to a lot when I was young I think butnow she's just there. I feel her there sorta. She talks sometimes though.

There's also Augustine. I usually don't 'feel' her, like she doesn't hang around like Ruby...she comes out sometimes though. She's like, really good. Like, she'll just clean things and make things nice and help strangers, or pray (I'm agnostic, she's christian I think). Most of the time when I do something really nice or commedable, it's her. Like, the other day she cleaned the entire kitchen for my mom, for no reason. I don't really...control her, but she takes over gently, not scary like.

Last few weeks theres...someone else I think. I can sense her but don't know who she is. She wont speak or communicate but she is there sometime, sort of scary. Like, the other day, my hand was moving and I wasn't the one doing it. Or I walked downstairs a few days ago (monday I think) and my hair was in a ponytail and I can't rember at all putting it that way, I never relly wear it in a ponytail. She seems more like me than Augustine and Ruby, but also darker then them, a bit scary. Ansd she wont say anything

The whole thing is, I don't know whats going on. I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes. I'm the main 'front' person and no one knows, I dont want them thinking I am crazy. Till I sort of saw this community I though maybe I was. Like I had DID or something. Do I?

Anyway, sorry for such a huge post...

Comments

[shadowsage05.livejournal.com]

:)

I'm still sort of surprised/happy in because now I'm thinking maybe I'm not a total nutcase. You guys sound pretty sane to me. It's nice to know your not alone.

And yeah, she is scary, though I don't know...I sort of really want to to talk or at least have her aknowlege me....I feel like she's sort of someone who'd be able to relate to me more that Augustine and Ruby...

bleh, I feel silly actually talking about this to other people. I haven't ever before really, and it's like, it makes me feel...like a 'crazy' person for talking about them.

[saturniakitty.livejournal.com]

I also have a "dark" other, Shi, who is a/the Goddess of Death. Unlike your other, she wont shut up >_< I'm not sure which would be preferable....

[shadowsage05.livejournal.com]

Going to call mine the Dark Twin, at least for now...iit feels right I guess, though for all I know she hates it...maybe she'll say something about it :)

None of mine really talk. Ruby, sometimes, rarely recently. Augustine never talks to me, just randomly takes over and does nice stuff. Dark Twin won't either, though she's starting to be here more and more I think.

I almost feel like theres something wrong with me that none of them want to talk. I should be happy that I'm not hearing voices but I'm not...

[saturniakitty.livejournal.com]

There's nothing wrong with you because they wont talk. Most of my others don't talk to me, actually. Shi is one of the two that do.

[arimle.livejournal.com]

Don't think of "talking" as necessarily hearing physical sounds with your ears. We communicate all the time amongst ourselves, but it's always through a sort of telepathy. Mostly we just experience things together.

Incidentally, I have no idea what "dark" means when it refers to members of multiple systems, although I hear it all the time. That they're eeeeeeeeevil or something, I guess. Certainly we don't have any eeeeeeeeeeevil members here (disagreeable, maybe). Even Shi sounds pretty neat. ;)

From the good old Layman's Guide:

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

"Dark ones" is a slippery term and doesn't mean the same thing to all systems. For some, dark ones are those who generally don't have the best of outlooks or intentions, and who may cause problems, or who may not follow the general rules. Other times, dark ones are just mysterious, shadowy types. They need not be hostile or present a threat, but as always, nothing can be assumed.

There are dark ones who enjoy bringing disturbances to a system, while others keep particular knowledges or skills to themselves, and just don't feel like being a part of the whole group. Some who style themselves "dark ones" are protective types in fearsome guises (vampires, werewolves etc.). Ask if you're not sure.

http://www.kitsune.cx/blackbirds/layman